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Reply to Trixie or visit her websitePosted to the RoswellSlash mailing list July 20, 2001
Title: The Hereafter
Disclaimer: Jason owns all;)
Rating: NC 17
Summary: What if Liz and Isabel had been having an affair for months? How would Isabel feel after "Departure"?
Dedication: to everyone whom I infected with the Liz and Isabel bug;) Love you guys!
Cate: UC smut
Distribution: My site, Guilty Pleasures, Roswell Slash Archive, Beyond Dreams- anyone else please ask!
The sun touches Liz's hair as she stands behind Max. I want to touch the strands that are shining in the light, but I swallow and concentrate on watching Kyle out of the corner of my eye. He's feeling bad, I know. Tess was like his sister, and betrayal is hard. Of course I know this. I'm Vilandra, and I was shitty to my brother as the story goes. I wonder- is it harder to be the one that tells the lies, or the one who is lied to?
As Liz's fingers lightly touch Max's, I realize I was lied to. She is going to go back to him and I'm going to be alone. Even more alone than I was when Alex died. At least then I could sit by a grave and dance under the mocking stars with his ghost. I had *something* left of him. If Liz goes back to Max I know... I'll lose her for good. He'll gulp her down and let her run through his blood like fine grapey wine. She'll be his nourishment, and he'll spit her out- and I'll suffer.
If only I could just reach across and tug her away from him. I'd dig my nails into the soft skin of her inner elbow and hiss in her ear and whisper that I love her, and hope that she tells me she loves me too. I'm not sure she would though. She'd just turn to me with those wide pie-plate eyes and murmur, "Can we please talk about this later, Isabel?" Because she doesn't like messy scenes and sweaty kisses. She wants the sweetness of my brother and his false promises. I know him, and he might think he's in love with her, but he really wants something more. Something not of this earth. He is settling- with Liz. She is his "enough." She is my everything- so shouldn't I be the one that wins? Maybe. Maybe not.
I go for a walk in the desert later on. It's starting to get cold and my arms pucker with goose bumps. On nights like this I have the urge to go up to Alex's grave and cover it with a blanket. Stupid isn't it? To think he could be feeling this air- this surge of biting wind? But I still think - "he'll be cold" and want to do something to mother him. I don't worry about Liz, which I should find strange, but I don't. She's a crusader, my Liz. She can take care of herself. That's what many people don't recognize about her- that inner steel she's honed to perfection.
On the drive back I watched Michael and Maria as they glowed in each other's arms. His eyes were tender and hers were shining and hot. They wanted to be alone, it was obvious and I felt slightly sick- as if I'd eaten something that disagreed with me. It isn't their relationship I object to- although god knows Maria annoys the hell out of me, it's his choice. He chose her- above all others. Above Max and me. And I wonder... why didn't I have the guts to choose what I wanted? I told Max through floods of sobs, with my throat aching- that I wanted to stay, and he talked me into going on that foolish quest with his smooth voice and careful hands. I wanted to scream at him that Liz needed me- even though I knew that was a lie- and that I had to stay.
But of course I didn't. But Michael did. He stood there and admitted Maria was his homehe had the strength to do that. He spoke his heart and left us all for someone human. I couldn't- I couldn't tell Max that I love his "soulmate", so I bit my lip until I felt the trickle of blood against my teeth and stared at the walls of the Granolith until I was sure I wasn't going to throw up. When she walked into the chamber, for a moment I honestly thought she had come to stop *me* from going. It wasn't until the words registered- "Max... she killed Alex. Tess killed Alex"- that I realized there would be no fairy tale happy endings. I looked at the blonde curls of the girl next to us and could feel nothing but pity. She wanted something so badly that she murdered for it.
Would I murder for Liz?
I can't answer that.
It's too frightening.
Liz comes to me as I knew she would. She's scared, sort of confused, and wary. Her doe eyes glance briefly into mine as she kneels before me and holds my face, whispering that she loves me, that Max is making this hard- and what are we going to do?
I tell her I can't answer that and kiss her soft lips. She bites down and draws blood. She tastes like regret and sweat and sugar. She tastes like the desert. She's so beautiful my belly aches. Her jean jacket comes off under my fingers and I take her lithe body into my arms. Sometimes I gather her up but I still feel like she's taking me.
I want to take control. I wish I could hurt her. My split mouth drips beads of salty blood as I push her down, arcing my fingers over her arms, holding her in place. She has a small smile playing on her lips and I hate that smile. It's triumphant. Kissing her with my teeth and swollen rage, I let my fingers slam into her wetness and feel the heat enclose the digits. "I hate you," I murmur softly, and she laughs, arching up underneath me, her back a wand-slim band of muscle and sleek skin.
"You don't hate me," she says quietly, and moans as a tremor ripples her insides. "You still love me... right Isabel?"
"I don't want to..." I groan helplessly, and she kisses my brow.
"But you do," she confirms and smiles again.
I have no answer for her. She knows the truth.
Late into the night I lie still and listen to Max breathe in the next room. He sounds peaceful for once, and I know he thinks he has his life ironed out for the better. He thinks all his problems are solved right now. Tess is gone and he doesn't have to worry about his son for the present. He has Liz in his arms again, and he imagines we're all ecstatic about that. About the joyous Max and Liz reunion.
My eyes are damp. Running with tears. If he came in, he'd think I was weeping over Alex, and I see no reason to disillusion him. He doesn't know Liz has been my lover since that night in Las Vegas. After I left that random guy's room, I went back to our suite and found her getting ready. She was naked, and I was hungry and we fell into each other's arms like butter goes through a knife. That sweet. That sure. It was a few stolen moments of sloppy kisses and desperate hands- both of us shaking with a need we'd denied for so long.
Afterwards I watched her dance with my brother and chatted with Alex and felt absolutely nothing. Except desire. I could see the curve of her back and the side of her breast and I wanted nothing more than to rip her away from Max's arms and spread her legs with my hands and tongue right there. But I didn't. I have control. It didn't hurt then to see her with him. All I wanted from her was her heat, her mouth, her fresh simple beauty.
But now... now I twist under the sheets and I think of her smile and her hard laughter. Of the way she screamed at us for killing Alex. Of the tap of her feet when she walks around the Crashdown giving orders. Her ability to never give up- how determined she was to solve the mystery. One night I called her my Nancy Drew... and she didn't get angry. She just looked lost and lay in my embrace murmuring that she just wanted to find out what happened to him. I felt a little jealous, and said nothing more.
Now I love her, and I'm being lied to. She's going to go back with Max. Slip into the desert noise with him- find a kind of peace after these torrid months with me. I expected nothing less. I guess this is my repayment. For being such a traitorous bitch in our past lives. Vilandra betrayed everyone she loved for one single man.
Would I betray everyone I loved for one single girl?
I don't want to answer that.
Because I know I would.
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