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Stupidity...My Love for You, Chapter Nine

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Sent to the Roswell Slash Archive June 14, 2002


        Conclusion...

        Zan...

        Dinner was actually a very nice experience as he actually held up one end of the conversation for a change. He chatted on endlessly about life in Roswell and everything that he had witnessed or been dragged through due to his clan of alien friends. By the end of our dinner I felt as if I knew each and every one of them personally. It was obvious that he loved his friends very deeply and would do anything to ensure their happiness...and I also knew how devastated he was when he had to leave them. As much as he talked about his friends...not once did he ever mention Max and what it was exactly that he had done to turn him into this person that was so afraid to comment to a relationship...and just why it was that despite whatever it was that he had done...why he wasn't willing to even try and get over his feelings for him. I was dying to know the whole truth and yet I knew that I couldn't push him to tell me...that he would have to tell me in his own time...and I prayed that it was soon and I made a vow that once I did find out that I would do everything in my power to ensure that I did whatever I could to make sure that he never felt that way again.

        Out of all his friends...Most importantly I hoped to one day meet Michael for it was obvious to me that he was someone that was very special in Kyle's life as he spoke of countless times where Michael had been his partner in crime. "You're very lucky to have a friend like that" I spoke...envious that Kyle had the one thing that I had never had with Rath...a true friendship.

        "Don't I know it" he quipped as he got up and began to clear our dishes. "Mike and I have been thorough some tough times in the past...but he has been there for me time and time again and I for him. I don't know what I would have done if he hadn't always been there for me. He was the one that forced me to move out here and start a new life and even though I knew he hated the fact that I would be half way across the country...he knew that it was better for me to leave Roswell then stay there and continue in the direction that my life was going"

        "Remind me to thank him for that" I chuckled as I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him towards me as I placed a loving kiss upon his lips.

        "I will" he blushed as he ran his fingers though my hair as I went in for another round. "Will you stay with me tonight"

        I didn't have to answer him...for there was no way that I was leaving this man alone that night. I wanted to be with him so bad that I had found it almost impossible not to rip his clothes off and ravage his body right there on the kitchen floor. Interlocking our fingers...I tugged him in the direction that I assumed was his bedroom since it was the only other room in the tiny apartment. No words were spoken as we silently undressed each other as we laid down together for our impending lovemaking. Everything was as it should have been...I was with the man that even though I knew it was against my better judgment I was falling more in love with more then I could have ever thought possible. I let him take the lead as he moved atop me and began to kiss me with so much passion that I just knew that I had to be glowing. Closing my eyes...I allowed the sensations that were coursing throughout my veins to take me to a place that I had wanted to visit with him from the moment I had met him. I knew at that very moment in time as his hands and his mouth tenderly explored every inch of my flushed body that there was no going back...that I either had to have of this man wholly...or not at all. I knew that I had told him that I would take what I could get but the idea of not having him in my life...in my bed was enough to send me into a complete bout of madness. I never wanted this night to end...never wanted to have to share him with another...especially my dupe and although I knew that he wasn't ready to take that next step with me...but with my determination alone I thought was enough for the two of us.

        "I need you" he groaned need fully against my ear as he began to rub our two throbbing cocks against each other in an attempt to ease some of the building pressure. "Please...I need you so much Zan" Nodding my head in complete understanding...I flipped easily onto my stomach allowing him entrance into the place that I wanted to feel him buried deep inside of.

        "Now Kyle..." I moaned as he ran his fingers along the crack of my ass before he placed his penis against my puckered hole. My breath stuck in my chest as he slowly eased himself in a bit as a time as I adjusted to the sheer size of him. "Oh god...you feel so good" I called out as he sheathed himself fully inside me...causing my own dick to throb painfully from negligence as it lay against the coolness of the sheets. Sensing my need of release as well as his own...he with nimble hands moved me into a kneeling position where he placed my hands quickly on the headboard and with expert hands took my painfully erect dick and began a slow and steady motion that together sent us both over the edge in a matter of minutes.

        Afterwards we lay in content silence as we tried to regain some semblance of reality as I held him tightly against my body. "Zan...I heard him whisper as he pulled out of my embrace and gazed deep into my eyes. "I want to tell you about Max and I. What we used to have...everything that has happened to me since I met him"

        I knew that telling me about Max was going to be tough for him...so I didn't say a word as he pulled fully out of my embrace. I watched as he sat back against the wall...pulling his knees to his chest ands began telling his tale from the first night they had come together...until the final day when he had no choice but to leave or die slowly at the hands of a man that claimed to love him fully...and yet hurt him each and every chance he could. I had tears in my eyes as he finished his story of heartbreak and sadness for I could not for the life of me comprehend how it was that someone could even fathom to hurt a man like Kyle. I had been waiting for the likes of him for as long as I could remember and there was nothing that I wouldn't do to ensure his happiness...to ensure that he would always be with me and me alone.

        "Oh Kyle...I am so sorry that he hurt you the way that he did...but he is a fool for not seeing how wonderful you are" I gushed as I moved to sit besides him as I gathered him quickly into my arms. "I know that I told you that we should take it slow...but I love you Kyle. I love you so much and I want you to know that I would never hurt you in any way. I know that you are afraid to love me and I understand that...really I do...but know that I love you and I will do everything I can to make sure that you never hurt again" He didn't speak the words that I longed to hear...instead he just clung to me and cried like I have never heard anyone cry before and I didn't care. I was happy that my words touched him...glad that he was man enough to cry in front of me and allow me to comfort the pain that saturated his broken heart.

        I guess that we both fell asleep from the sheer exhaustion of it all for when I finally did open my eyes the room was surrounded in total darkness. Kyle was still snuggled within the safety of my arms and I had to suppress a giggle of happiness as I laid him down in an attempt to make him more comfortable and he literally hunted for my embrace as he remained asleep...a smile of contentment covering his face after he found his intended target. "I love you" I whispered against the softness of his hair as I moved him closer against me...once again allowing slumber to transcend over me.

        Kyle...

        I woke up the next morning snuggled warmly in his arms and felt something that I had never felt while I was with Max...content. There I laid in the arms of a man that shared the same DNA with the man I once thought of as the love of my life...and yet there were as different as night and day and even though I had given up Buddhism years ago...I sent out a silent prayer of thanks for allowing me to see that I could be content with someone other then Max.

        "Morning Dimples" I heard him murmur sleepily as he rolled over on his stomach pinning me below his body as he nestled his face in the crevice of my neck before drifting back off to sleep. I continued to lay there content as I listened to the soft breathing noises that escaped from his lips...his warm breath whispered gently against the side of my neck...lulling me back into a peaceful state of slumber right along with him.

        "HOLY @#%$" Zan's screams of panic echoed throughout the small bedroom hours later...as they jerked me from my dreams.

        "What...what is it" I asked panicked as I watched through sleep filled eyes as he ran crazed around the room searching for his discarded clothing from the night before.

        "I'm sorry Dimples...but I have to go. I was supposed to be at a meeting with some potential clients twenty minutes ago.

        "What time is it" I questioned my fears calmed as I rolled over and snuggled into the softness of the pillows.

        "Nine twenty five"

        "Nine twenty five...holy @#%$. I was supposed to be at work an hour and twenty five minutes ago" I cried out as I jumped out of the bed and ran for my closet searching for something...anything to throw on so I could race to work and get my assed chewed out by the boss for being so late. "Look what being with you has done to me" I laughed as we both ran for the door half dressed as we slammed head on into each other...knocking the two of us to the floor. I don't think we ever laughed so hard as we did that morning...and it seemed that the harder that we tried to stop it would only get louder and harder. "You know since we are already late...it really shouldn't matter if we are a few more minutes late...right" I groaned lustfully...as I threw myself on top of his laughter induced body...cutting them off as I covered his lips with my own. It is really needless to say...but an hour later we both did finally make it to the places that we were supposed to be...both with huge smiles plastered across our faces.

        After that Zan and I fell into a routine...and I had to admit that I was beginning to feel something for him...and even though in my head I knew it was love...my heart was still not willing to accept it. I was still afraid to utter those three simple words...words that he would speak so easily without the slightest bit of hesitation. I knew that he longed to hear me tell him just how much I loved him...knew that it hurt him when in place of such a simple phrase he received a kiss or a hug. I always hated the small gap of silence after he spoke those words as he waited for my response...his eyes filled with such hope that it almost brought me to tears each and ever time...and then hope would turn into disappointment...and then he would mask his hurt and pretend that it didn't matter...but I knew differently and yet I said nothing.

        We spent every waking moment together...and a lot of unwaking moments as he had basically moved into that tiny apartment of mine. I was happy...I was with a man that for a change worshipped the very ground that I walked on and would do anything to ensure my happiness...but there were still times that I thought about the other. I tried to block him completely from my mind and my heart...but it was as if he held a force on me. I still continued to look at his picture almost nightly as memories of our relationship continued to haunt my very confused and tortured mind. Otherwise life was grand...as far as I knew Zan never knew of my nightly ritual and as far as I was concerned he was never going to. Yes...life was great...it was as if lady luck was shining in my corner for once...and then day things got so far out of control that to this day I still don't know what really happened...all I knew was that he was gone and this time I knew he wasn't coming back.

        The day started out as any other as we rushed about our tiny kitchen in preparation of a day full of fun and excitement. Zan had received a pair of tickets to a new amusement park that was opening the next town over and had surprised me with them one night after we had finished eating dinner. I was so excited at the prospect of spending the whole day with him as our times together had been getting harder and harder to schedule. Zan was in the process of opening a new bar/club and I was in the middle of mid-terms so time was limited...so when this opportunity presented itself...we both jumped at the chance. As promised the day was full of fun and excitement. It had been so long since I had been to an amusment park of any kind and the fact that I was able to share it with Zan made it all the more wonderful. We did it all...rode the rides...watched the shows...and even had a little nookie fun behind one of the concessions as Zan became extremely jealous when a really good looking man gave me the eye as we waited for our food to be served at that very same concession. I had to admit that I liked Zan being jealous...it made me feel wanted...made me feel loved and let me tell you there is nothing like feeling wanted and loved by someone that you know loves you to your very core.

        I hated to see that day end...but as with all good things I knew that it must as we made our way arm and arm out into the parking lot. I was exhausted as I laid my head upon his shoulder...happy and content with how the day had turned out. "I had a really good time today...thank you" I whispered against his ear as he pulled me tighter into his embrace.

        "Your welcome" was his response as he kissed me lightly on my forehead before we reached our car. "Come on lets get you home sleepyhead" he chuckled lightly as he held open the passenger door for me as I stepped in...quickly reclaiming my place of comfort as he slide into his seat and adjusted his seat belt. Within moments I was sound asleep as the events of our happy day replayed over and over in my mind.

        Zan...

        Together we walked arm in arm into his apartment that was for all intents and purposes my apartment as well. I was exhausted...but it was the kind of exhausted that you cherish for it is the type of exhaustion that transpires from one hell of a glorious day spent with the one that you love more then you will ever love anyone else. "Did you have a good time today" I questioned him as we both snuggled on his couch already knowing the answer but still wanting to hear it again. There was nothing that was more important at that time then ensuring his happiness. He was the man that I loved...the man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with...and I think that deep down I thought that if I kept him as happy as possible then one day he would utter those three little words that had been dying to hear from the first time I met him.

        "I had a really great time" he whispered lovingly against my neck...sending tingles of pleasure shooting down my spine. "Thank you Zan...thank you for everything"

        "Hey...what's a bit of fun for my best guy" I joked...as I laid my head against the back of the couch as I pulled him tighter against my body.

        "No...not just for today" He spoke as he pulled out of my embrace and placed his hand along the contours of my face...moving it until I was looking him dead in his eyes. "Thank you for everything...for putting up with me despite the fact that I fought you every step of the way...for always letting me know just how much you love me...even though...even though..."

        "Even though you haven't been able to repeat those words back to me" I finished for him...my heart pounding so hard in my chest that I knew that he had hear it. I knew that we were about to make a breakthrough and I prayed like hell it was those few simple words that would mean the world to me to hear if even just once.

        "Yes..." he responded...looking down at his feet. He had a look on his face that I could not quite read...but then it was gone as he looked back into my eyes and spoke not the words that I longed to hear...but ones so close that they alone sent me into a tailspin. "I just want you to know that you make me happy and I am so happy that you decided to give me another chance. I care for you Zan...please don't ever doubt that I care for you very deeply...because I do"

        "I know" I whispered...trying like hell to fight the tears that I knew were glistening in my eyes. "I love you Kyle...and I know that one day you will utter those words that I want to hear...but for now these few words you just spoke mean more to me that you can ever imagine...thank you" It may not seem like a lot to you...but at the time...knowing the frame of mind that he was in...it was more then enough to satisfy me. Those words proved to me that he did in fact have feelings for me...that he didn't just look at me as someone to bide his time with until someone...or a certain someone came along. "Lets go to bed" I murmured as I pulled myself off the couch...intertwining my fingers with his own as we made our way to our love nest. That night was one of the greatest nights of my life. I was still reeling from the wonderful day that he had had...but that night our relationship took a turn into a completely different direction and I just knew that it was going to be a matter of time before I had this man agreeing to commitment. That night was magical...it wasn't just sex...it was the whole making love to the only person that you ever wanted to give of yourself wholly too...and that night was just what I had been waiting for my whole life...and then it all went to hell in a hand basket in a matter of hours.

        "I love you" I purred against his ear as I held him in my arms. I found that I couldn't stop touching him...that I wanted to feel every inch of his glorious body as I quickly dissolved his unneeded clothing for I wanted to take my time to enjoy my exploration of his glorious body.

        "I know..." he whispered as he arced his neck forward allowing me better access as I swathed it with my tongue during the beginning stages of my exploration. I could smell the lingering remains of the cologne he had splashed on earlier that morning and to say that it had driven my wild was an understatement as I attacked his neckline with even more vigor...causing a moan of lust to spring fourth from his swollen lips.

        "You are so beautiful" I moaned against his lips as I captured them yet again under my own...my hands working their way over the softness of his back. Reluctantly I pulled my mouth away from his supple lips as I worked my way once again down his throat towards his rippled chest. He had the body of a god...a fuckingly fantastically good-looking roman greco god and for once in my life I thanked the good lord above for bringing something good into my life. My hands continued to wander over the suppleness of his skin as I scraped a finger over his hardened nipple. I couldn't stop the smile that covered my face at the sharp intake of breath that I heard from him as I quickly replaced my hand with my more then eager mouth.

        "Zan...please don't stop" he moaned as I moved my way south as my hands ran over his gorgeous ass. The man had an ass that you could bounce a quarter off of and I never really knew what that meant but as I planted a playful smack upon it...it became crystal clear. Standing behind him I continued my exploration as I nipped and sucked my way down his finely corded backside until I was kneeling as if in admiration of his well defined ass. Without a moments hesitation I grasped his hips firmly within my fiery hands as I playfully bit him on his rounded lobe. I was only teasing him...but when he let out a moan of total want as he reached down and entangled his fingers within my hair as he guided me towards his forbidden hole...I had no choice but to give the man what he wanted. Separating his cheeks...I laved my tongue in the one place that I knew my straining dick was going to be visiting soon. I know that this may sound gross to you...but with Kyle it felt perfectly normal as I continued my ministrations...causing another animalistic groan to flow across his lips.

        Poor Kyle...I knew what I was doing to him was about to drive him nuts as he grabbed his pulsing dick and began to jerk off quite viciously...but I wanted that honor alone. "Not so fast Dimples" I chuckled lustfully as I slide through his legs...his huge manhood springing invitingly before my moistened lips. "This is mine...and only mine" Again I planted my hands firmly upon his luscious ass as I took him fully in my hot mouth.

        "@#%$ YEAH" he screamed out as he latched his hands once again upon my head as he shoved his dick so far down my throat that I couldn't help but gag. However I quickly recovered as I quickened the pace that I knew he needed...relaxing my throat muscles in the process for complete deep throat action. I loved the way that he fit perfectly in my mouth...loved the way that it was me that was causing the slew of dirty words to echo loudly throughout the tiny room. I knew he was close as the grip that he held on my head grew painfully tighter...but I didn't care. I was all about pleasing that man and no amount of pain was going to detour me from my mission.

        "Come for me Dimples" I growled against him as I once again allowed him to deep throat me. I didn't have to wait long as he began to @#%$ my mouth with such vigor that I almost lost control my self when he finally did reach his release...screaming out my name in totally ecstasy.

Continue to Part Ten

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