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Stupidity...My Love for You, Chapter Six

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Sent to the Roswell Slash Archive June 14, 2002


        Zan...

        He saw it all...I knew that he had just by the way that he ran for the door like a crazed man. He threw me so hard from his body that I didn't' have time to react as my head slammed forcefully into the coffee table beside me. I should have been pissed...should have chased after his cute ass...but I knew that it wasn't going to be the last time that I saw him. Why your wondering...was it because of the fact that I was a great lover and he would no doubt be back for more...well there was that...but the main reason was because of the little brown leather wallet that I found before me as I lay there frustrated...which in turn turned my frustration into great joy...for I knew right there that it alone would hold some of the answers to my unanswered questions. I didn't even bother to get dressed as I pulled myself off the hard floor where moments before I had made love the man that had no clue what he was about to get himself into and threw myself onto the couch and opened the tiny billfold. Kyle was a pretty normal guy I found out rather quickly for in his wallet he had the normal things that most men have...a California drivers license with a very sexy picture on it...twenty three dollars in cash...two major credit cards...and some receipts from a pizza joint. Nothing major right...but as I probed deeper into the confines of the worn leather I found the one thing that I was hoping to find most...a picture of him.

        I could only stare at the man that looked so much like me and yet so different. He was clean cut...so what I would have expected Kyle to fall in love with. I had to admit that they did make a cute couple and that thought alone caused a bolt of jealously to rage through me that I almost incinerated the very picture I held in my hand from the sheer madness of it all. He was absolutely radiate...it may have been taken with a crappy digital camera...but you could make out the pure love that he felt for the man laying on the bed besides him. I could tell that it was Kyle that was holding the camera as he snuggled tenderly within the arms of his lover. I didn't want to let my mind wander there...but I suspected that it had been taken mere moments after a bout of love making...causing another bolt to utter jealously to surge through me. The look on my dupes face was so pensive...so unreadable...and I would have bet money that it was a look that adhered to his face on a permanent basis. I could not read his face the way that I could read Kyle's. With Kyle you could read so openly the love that he held for Max...with Max you could make out nothing and I actually felt bad for the guy...for a brief second at least.

        Kyle was no longer his...he had had his chance to be with this absolutely perfect man and had let him slip right through his fingers...his loss and my gain was all I kept thinking as I traced the outline of my lover gently with my finger. I was going to do whatever I had to do to make Kyle see that he was special...that he was worthy of having someone love him unconditionally...and most importantly that it was going to be I that was going to love him that way. "Be prepared Kyle Valenti" I spoke aloud the name that I had read off of his driver's license as I placed the picture back where I found it and closed the billfold. "You have no idea what you are in for" Closing my eyes I allowed slumber to over take me as images of his perfectness invaded my dreams...causing a smile to cross my lips from the sheer happiness of it all.

        Kyle...

        I felt guilty...yes I felt guilty. It had been almost a year and I felt like I had betrayed Max in the worst possible of ways...by sleeping with not only another man...but with his duplicate. Till this day I still don't know why I felt guilty...but it was the way that I felt each and every time that Zan and I slept together...and yes we slept together on more then one occasion. Just as I expected he would not take no for an answer...and no matter what I did or said to him he would not take the hint and leave me alone...and now and only now can I can fully admit that I am grateful that did didn't allow me to push him away.

        Two days after our night together he showed up at my door with Pizza from my favorite pizza parlor and a six pack of cold beer. I opened the door and was more then a little stunned to find him grinning madly on my doorstep as he pushed his way past me...but not before placing a loving kiss upon my startled lips. "How the hell did you find out where I lived" I asked him crossly as I slammed the door behind me and turned to face him.

        "I have my ways Dimples" was his response as he placed the pizza on the dining room table and headed into the kitchen with the beer in his hands. "Besides...you left this on my floor as you rushed out of my apartment the other night" I grabbed the wallet out of his hands and tossed it angrily on the shelf beside me. "Man...I've missed you and that hot body of yours" he said with more then a little lust in his voice as he made his way over to where I continued to stand as he gathered me up in his arms and planted his lips deeply upon my own. He didn't give me time to respond...and again I was rendered senseless as his tongue expertly maneuvered its way towards its intended target.

        "Get out...just leave me alone" I stated half-heartedly as he broke the searing lip lock he had just held on me...leaving me panting for much needed air. I could see the amusement in his eyes as he laid his forehead against my own and stared into my eyes.

        "I won't ever leave you alone again...because you shouldn't be left alone. You should have someone love you all the time...and I am just the man for the job" I heard him whisper...causing my heart to almost burst from my chest as it continued to fight for air...but also from the words that I had always longed to hear...but only from another man. "Now...I don't know about you...but I am starving. What do you say we dig into that hot pizza I brought and then later I can dig into you" he chuckled...placing another quick kiss upon my lips as he ran his hands down my back...giving my ass an affectionate squeeze.

        I watched as he made his way back into the kitchen...heard him whistle happily as he rummaged though my cabinets in search for needed dinnerware. I was stupefied as to what it was that this man saw in me...why he wanted to be with me when there was clearly something tremendously wrong with me since the only man that I would ever love didn't want to be with me. Yes...I was so brainwashed...so stupid in my thinking that actually for a while there I thought that there was indeed something wrong with me and not with the true person with the problem. However...I had to admit that it was nice to be with someone for a change...nice to feel wanted and although I knew that I would never love him...I quickly made the decision to allow Zan to be with me...but only because I was so sick and tired of being alone.

        For the next hour he chatted cheerfully about his day...told me about how his beer distributor had screwed up his order and sent it to some retirement home in L.A...and that he had decided to go ahead and allow them to keep it. "I know it ain't much...but who am I to deny even the elderly a bit of happiness" he chuckled easily as he removed our empty dishes from the table and brought them into the kitchen...placing them in the dishwasher. When he was finished he grabbed two beers from the fridge and made his way to where I was sitting. Taking my hand...he intertwined his fingers within my own as he lead me into the living room were he sat comfortably on my worn couch...pulling me closely beside him. "I guess that I should shut up and allow you a chance to speak. So...how was you day today"

        I could only look at him dumbfounded for he truly wanted to hear about my day...wanted to know about me and what I had been up to. Whenever I was with Max...without fail each and every time we were together the conversation always converted to him and only him. Never did he want to know how I was doing...or if anything exciting...or even if anything non-exciting had happened to me. It was hard at first...but after awhile I got used to it and stopped trying to talk to him about anything except him and what pertained to his life. But here sat this man that actually wanted to hear about me and my day...and I just knew that he would listen to each and every word...and because of that I was rendered totally speechless. "Cat got your..." I heard him chuckle...but I cut him off before he had the chance to finish his sentence as I quickly did the only thing that I could think of at the time...I kissed the @#%$ out of him.

Continue to Part Seven

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