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Stupidity...My Love for You, Chapter Four

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Sent to the Roswell Slash Archive June 14, 2002


        Zan...

        I knew I was different from the moment that I exited the pod...not just alien different...but sexually different. I knew that Ava was my intended mate...knew that as I got older that I should have wanted to @#%$ her brains out each and every time the opportunity presented itself...but I was more interested in @#%$ Rath then I was Ava. I was truthful about my sexuality from the get go...and I didn't care who knew about it. I was gay...I am gay and there is nothing wrong with being gay and if anyone has a problem with it...give me five minutes in a dark alley and I will convince you otherwise. It sickened Rath and Lonnie...but Ava seemed to understand and even though I knew it hurt her to hear Rath and Lonnie @#%$ like bunnies just about every night she remained my loyalist friend right up until my untimely death. Yes...you heard me correctly...my death. I was killed...or at least to my @#%$ psycho sister and mo-hawked freak of a lover I was dead. They wanted me dead...and even tried to follow through with their plans for my impending death. However...I was quicker...I was smarter and with the help of Ava and her mind warping abilities...to them at least I am dead.

        After that night Ava and I went our separate ways...I missed her so much when I left...but I couldn't stay in New York...not with those two still crawling the streets and so I high-tailed it to California. I was a seventeen-year-old...gay...alien king reject...and California proved to be the perfect place for me to blend in with all the other nuts trying to start life anew. I took on a new persona...a whole new identity and yet I found that I felt more at home with the new me...then I ever did with the old one. Life was great...I was living the American dream...working at a job that I loved...partying my ass off on the weekends and @#%$ whom ever the hell I wanted to. I was more open with my sexuality then I ever was in New York...and I was willing to try just about everything at least once. I was happy...or so I eluded myself for I had just never realized how truly unhappy I was with my chosen lifestyle until he walked into that bar that night. As I laid my eyes upon him for the very first time...I knew right then and there that he was the one. He was the one that I would be willing to give up everything and anything to ensure that he would be mine...and only mine.

        Of course our first meeting was not the picture perfect encounter that I would have liked it to be...but it was a hell of a lot better then asking him what his sign was to break the ice...or if I could buy him a drink. It was like something out of those corny romantic movies where the man spots the girls from across the crowded dance floor and they fall in love instantly...well something like that at least...because in this case it was me falling head over heels in lust with the most gorgeous man that I had ever laid eyes on. I watched as if in slow motion as he made his way to the bar and ordered a drink...watched as man after man hit on him...watched as a he would smile politely with each offer as he turned them down one by one. I had to control the urge to bash each and every one of their heads in as they continued to hit upon the man that I wanted to @#%$ at that very moment more then I wanted to breath and yet I could not make my feet move me in the direction that I needed to go.

        I had up to that point never been afraid to pounce upon any intended prey...but with Kyle...I knew that he was different and I found that so was I . Panic began to fill me as I continued to watch him continuously thwart the advances of each horny man...and finally apparently fed up with the swarming sharks all around him be slid off the stool he had been perched on and headed for the entrance. Taking a deep breath...I forced my leavened feet to move in the direction of his retreating figure...intent on only one thing...bringing this man back to my place and doing the nastiest...naughtiest things imaginable to his beautifully muscled body. At that point I had control of my motor skills as I rushed towards the front door with one goal in mind...stopping him from leaving that bar at all cost and I did...for a minute at least...and then he was gone.

        "MAX...I knew that you would come for me. I just knew it" he screamed out in pure jubilation as he drew me tightly within his magnificent arms. Instantly I was in heaven as he snaked his hand through my spiked hair...jerking my more then eager mouth to his own. I knew that he thought I was someone else as he plunged his tongue so far down my throat that I just knew he could feel my tonsils...knew that it was this someone else that he thought I was that was causing his dick to poke my own raging hard on tortuously through the tightness of my leather pants and yet I didn't care for all that mattered was having his tongue continue to pillage my mouth. Disappointment coursed through me as he swiftly detached his hot mouth from my own at the realization that I was not the one that he had been hoping for. OMG...your...your not Max" he stammered as he pulled back from me...almost falling to the hard floor in his hastiness.

        "No your right Dimples" I grinned...licking the remaining taste of him from my lips as I stared into the bluest eyes that I had ever seen. "I may not be Max...but I sure as hell wish that I was. Names Daniel James...but my friends call me DJ...just in case your interested"

        "No...no...it isn't possible" his stammering continued as he sustained the lock he had on my apparently familiar face. "You...you look so much like him" I watched as he closed his eyes and shook his head as if in an attempt to clear the apparition that he saw before him and had to cringe at the look of pure terror when he opened them once again and saw the same apparition still standing before him. I tried to speak to him...tried to say anything to calm his visibly frazzled nerves in order to make him stay for I knew that there was a distinct possibility that if he walked out of that door at that time that I would never see him again. Nothing worked as he bolted like a frightened rabbit out of the bar and out of my life...but thankfully fate had other ideas. I have never been one to believe in fate and all the bullshit associated with it...but after meeting Kyle and the fact that despite having only known him for a total of ten minutes...we had a direct link...it was a @#%$ up link...but it was a link none the less.

        Kyle...

        I had been living in California for almost a year...almost a year with no Max in my life and I was lonely. I was so lonely that I couldn't breath most nights as I sat in my tiny apartment alone mooning over the love that I had for him. I had moved to California to move past all the pain and hurt that he had caused me...to forget about how much he meant to me...but that never happened. He was all that I could think about...all that inhabited my mind night and day and I lived my dreary existence day after agonizing day. I knew in my mind that Max would never come to California to proclaim his undying love for me...would never come and sweep me off my feet as he lead me into the sunset and our new life together and yet my heart he had other ideas. In my heart Max would come to realize that we did in fact belong together forever and he would come galloping back into my life like a knight in shining armor and take me away from my miserable life without him...but since Max had no clue as to where I hell I was there was no way that was ever going to happen.

        I didn't know what to do...didn't know what to think as I stood before an almost identical clone of the man that I had left in Roswell New Mexico almost a year to the day. I was shocked...and stunned and more then a little petrified as I continued to gawk at the man so similar to Max and yet there were such obvious differences. He was rougher looking...physically larger and I could tell that he was aggressive...but not in a bad way. Does that make sense...probably not...just know this...I knew in those first few moments after meeting him that even though I didn't know who the hell this man was...that this was not going to be the last time that I saw him...that in fact he would ensure that it wasn't going to be the last time that I saw him. I could read it so plainly in his eyes...I was his prey and he was determined to capture me. I however had other ideas...for I was not about to allow myself to fall into the same trap that I had fallen into with Max. "You got a name" he asked me in a strange accent that I could not quite make out...grinning that same grin of Max's that would always win me over no matter what. I didn't know what to do as I continued to stand there...and finally as I got my wits about me I did the one thing that Max had taught me well...I bolted.

        I bolted out of that bar as fast as my legs could carry me. Away from the man that not moments before was squeezing my nuts so hard that I just knew that there had to be a bruise...but most importantly away from the other man with just his looks alone frightened me to my very core. I didn't know who he was...but I knew damned well that he was somehow linked to Max and I was determined to stay as far away from him and his resemblance to the man that still held my battered and bloody heart in his non-loving hands. Upon reaching my apartment...I rummaged through my wallet searching for the only blurry...crinkled...picture of Max and I in existence.

        Tears raced down my face as I gazed upon the picture I knew like the back of my hand...for it was the only proof that my relationship with Max as @#%$ up as it was...was in fact real. I still don't know why Max allowed me to take it since everything else that would link him to me was always destroyed at his hands...but this picture he allowed me to keep. It was taken one night after an extremely exhausting night of lovemaking. I was in lover's bliss...he for once had put me above Liz and came over to my house quite early in the evening. I was besides myself with happiness...and it turned out to be the best evening that Max and I ever had in the four years that we were together. I found out later that the evening prior Max and Liz had in fact made love for the first time and his guilt was more then he could bare and that one glorious night was his way of alleviating some of his guilt. Anyway...it was the only real thing that I had of Max...and I didn't plan to ever part with it. Placing a tiny kiss upon the faded picture of my love...I placed it once again into the safety of my wallet as I tried to forget about the horrendous evening and attempted to sleep.

        I knew that sleep was going to be futile...so after two hours of tossing and turning I finally got up and despite the fact that it was well into the early morning hours and I knew that Michael would be sleeping...I had to speak to him. I had the feeling that he would know something about the Max clone who for the life of me I could not get out of my mind...and I became determined...despite what I vowed earlier to find out just who or what he was. Just as I expected Michael picked up the phone highly pissed at whoever it was on the other end for disturbing his sleep. "Who the @#%$ is this" he yelled groggily into the receiver...causing me to jerk the phone away from my ear from all his crassness.

        "Mike...it's Kyle" I spoke once he had finally stopped his rantings.

        "Kyle...are you ok" he asked concerned. I could tell that he was fully awake by then and I must admit the concern I heard in his voice brought me once again to tears. "Kyle...are you there? What...what is it" I didn't know how to start that conversation...how do you ask your best friend if he knew anything about an apparent clone of the future king of Antar without scaring the @#%$ out of him and sending him into a total tizzy. "Kyle...would you @#%$ speak to me"

        "I...who...I..." I stammered still trying like hell to find the words to describe whom I had met. "Who is Daniel James and why does he look so much like Max" I finally blurted out...as nervousness began to creep in at the silence that I now received on the other end of the line.

        "Daniel James...who the @#%$ is Daniel James" I heard him repeat. "Looks like Max...I swear to hell Valenti if you have been drinking again I will personally fly out to California and kick your stupid ass" he roared through the line in reference to a brief period when I first moved to California where Mr. Alcohol became my nightly friend. I would call Michael in a drunken stupor belly aching over my love for Max and his lack of love for me.

        "Michael...you need to listen to me. I have not been drinking...ok...I went to a bar and had two beers...but I am not drunk...and even if I was drunk seeing his face would have sobered me up in a heartbeat...but..."

        "You went to a bar" he questioned...more intent on hearing about my first outing in a year then meeting Max's twin. "About @#%$ time man...did you meet anyone. Wait...don't tell me...I am just glad that you finally got your ass out of that apartment and had yourself some fun..."

        "Would you shut the @#%$ up for two seconds and listen to what the hell I am trying to say" I screamed...cutting him off in mid sentence. "Yes...I went to a bar tonight and yes I did meet someone...someone that could be the identical twin of your leader. They are identical in everyway...except for very obvious differences...now what I need to know is...who the @#%$ in Daniel James"

        "I have no clue who Daniel James is" was his reply...causing my frustration factor to rise to the outer limits. "Wait...what are the obvious difference" he asked and I could have sworn that I heard fear creeping into his voice.

        "Longer spiked hair...loads of tattoos and piercings and lots of facial hair. So much like Max...and yet so different. I swear to god Mike if I didn't know that Max was still living in Roswell...I would have sworn it was him and I...I kissed..."

        "Did he speak with a New York accent" he questioned loudly and that time I could make out the fear in his voice quite clearly.

        "No...I don't think so. Wait...yes...yes he did...why"

        "Kyle...stay the @#%$ away from him"

        "What...why"

        "Look I can't be for certain...I mean they said that he was dead...but hell with Lonnie and Rath you never knew what the hell was truth and what was fiction. Just stay the hell away from him...he could be dangerous"

        "Lonnie...Rath...who the hell are Lonnie and Rath" fearful at what his response would be for at that point in time I was completely clueless as to what the hell is was talking about.

        "You didn't meet Daniel James tonight...you met Zan"

        "Zan...I don't understand...who the hell is Zan" For the next hour Michael explained just who Lonnie...Rath and Zan were...and by the time he finished I was more then a little pissed. "Why the hell wasn't I told about this" I questioned angrily. "You would think that something as important as duplicates of you...Max and Isabel would have been something that you would have told me about"

        "Look Valenti...at the time we all thought that you had slept with Liz and none of us was too thrilled with you...and afterwards it just never came up...it just wasn't that important"

        "It just never came up" I repeated mockingly back at him. "Not that important. Well...let me ask you this Michael...do you think that it is important now" I yelled into the phone...slamming the receiver back into the cradle as I tossed it furiously across the room. I didn't really know why I was so pissed at Michael...now that I think about it I don't think that I really was...I was just angry. I was angry at the whole world for allowing aliens to walk among us...angry at Max for breaking my heart into a million pieces...but most importantly I was angry with myself for becoming a man that was so bitter that I wanted to make anyone...and in that case Zan suffer for the pain that constantly penetrated my heart due to the one that I loved just as much as I had before I left Roswell.

Continue to Part Five

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