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Stupidity...My Love for You, Chapter Thirteen

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Sent to the Roswell Slash Archive June 14, 2002


        Zan...

        I had never been so depressed I my life as I was when came back from that trip to New York. Not only had I lost the only man that I had every fully loved...but I had slept with another man in a drunken stupor as I tried to get over the pain of Kyle's actions. I don't know why I was expecting any thing more then I got...which was nothing once I returned to California. I was pissed at Kyle...I was hurt and just plain devastated and yet I expected that when I got home that there would have been many messages on my machine begging me to come back to him...that there would be any sort of attempt on his part to try and get me back...but I should have known better. There was nothing...not one single message...not one attempt to even see when I was coming back into town and I was devastated beyond belief. I would have taken him back in a second if only he had made some sort of attempt...no questions asked for all that I wanted was to be back in his arms...but I knew that wasn't going to happen so I did the only thing that I knew how to do as I ran to my car and retrieved the little card with the phone number written across it.

        "Hello...Washington" I heard him speak gruffly across the phone line.

        "Hey...Isaiah...it's Daniel James. I just got back into town and was wondering if that invitation for a drink was still in effect"

        "Boy...I didn't expect to ever hear from you" he chuckled happily and it caused my heart to plummet into my stomach for I knew that I was only using him to get back at Kyle...but I didn't care. I didn't want to be alone and I was willing to find companionship wherever I could fine it.

        "Yeah...well...how could I not call you. I mean...you did save me from spending time in traffic court...it is the least that I owe you" I flirted shamelessly. "So...how about that drink"

        "Your on"

        "Great...I can't wait" I responded fakely. "Why don't you meet me at DJ's around eight then" At that point I needed a drink more then I needed to breath.

        Eight o'clock came quickly and before I knew it he was standing in the doorway of my bar...scanning the crowd in search of me. He had a huge smile across his face once he did find me as he made his way through the crowds of people to where I was sitting. "Hey..." I heard him speak as he sat down quickly in the chair besides me.

        "Hey..." I replied quickly...finding that I was at a loss for words.

        He however was not at a loss for anything as he quickly took control of the conversation and before the evening was out I was laughing so hard that I could barely stand from my sides hurting so much. "Stop...please stop" I cried out in surrender after another burst of laughter rippled through me due another hilarious story from him. "My sides cant take anymore...please have mercy on me"

        "Ok...ok..." he chuckled besides me. "But...only if you dance with me"

        My laughter quickly faded as he stood besides me with his hand out stretched awaiting me to take it. I could only stare at it at first as images of the love of my life invaded my mind...but then I quickly got my wits about me as I pushed all thoughts of Kyle away and placed my hand within his. I allowed him to lead me onto the dance floor...allowed him to pull me tightly against his burly body and I even allowed him to kiss me during the middle of our dance as I pretended that it was Kyle and not this perfect stranger that I was kissing. I really don't remember what happened next. I mean one minute we were kissing on the dance floor and then I next we were in my apartment all over each other. It was all going to fast and I felt like my head was going to explode from the craziness of it all as he pinned me against the wall and once again attacked my mouth with his as he hands wandered down towards the waistband of my leather pants.

        "No..." I whispered faintly as I pushed him away from me. "I...I can't do this. I'm sorry...I just can't"

        At first he just stood there and stared at me...and I could tell that he was trying to control his temper for I could see his anger so clearly in his eyes. However that look of anger didn't last long as I slide down the wall to the floor below and bawled like a baby for the second time since I had met that man. "Damn...he really has his hooks into you doesn't he" I heard him say as he slide down the wall and sat besides me...placing his arm around my shoulders. "Yes...I am so sorry for doing this to you" I cried as he yet again handed me a handkerchief from his jeans pocket. "It's just that I...I love him and...I..."

        "Hey...its ok" was his reply as he continued to sit besides me. "Do you want to talk about it" I could only stare at this man stunned...because despite the way that I had used him...he still wanted to be there for me. "Don't worry DJ...we have all been there before. My last boyfriend dumped me after eight years of being together. I was devastated and did the same thing that you did with me. I was lonely and hurt and he came into my life when I needed someone most. He became my friend and then he became my lover...and if that happens with us that is wonderful...but if it doesn't then I will know that I was here for someone when they really needed me"

        "Thank you" I sobbed as I placed my head in my hands and allowed what were to be many tears to flow from my broken heart.

        For the next week Isaiah and I began a pattern. Every morning he would call me to make sure that I was ok...and then again at lunch and then he would meet me for drinks at the bar after his shift. We were developing a wondrous friendship...one where we shared a few kisses here and there along with some innocent handholding. We never went any further then the hand holding stage...and I was so happy that he didn't try to push me any further then I was willing to go. I was beginning to develop feelings for Isaiah...but these feelings leaned more towards gratitude then anything else. I still missed Kyle...still loved him with all my heart and soul...but I was hoping that spending time with Isaiah would help to change all that...even though deep down I knew that I would always love Kyle with all my heart and soul.

        Along the way I learned that he and I shared a common passion. It was a passion of mine that had consumed my very being from the first time I laid eyes on a beautiful chromed Harley Davidson motorcycle. It was one of the more exciting experiences of my life...besides the whole beings from another planet aspect of my life and almost losing my life because of it. I had swiped my first hog at sixteen on a dare from Rath and had owned one every since. There is nothing like riding a motorcycle...the feel of the air as it whips across your face as you speed along the highways and byways with your hog securely between your legs and the open road at your feet. He and I had discussed on numerous occasions about taking a road trip to Las Vegas for some fun in the city of sin and even though Kyle was still laying heavily upon my mind...I decided that a road trip with me...Isaiah and my hog was just what I needed to clear up my love deprived head. The date was set...and I had to admit that I was a little more then excited as I searched frantically for my keys to the Harley. I hadn't ridden my bike in a few months and I knew that it needed some fine-tuning before we headed out as I continued my search. I knew that the last time I had taken the bike out was with Kyle...but for the life of me I had no clue as to where I left the damned keys...and then it hit my like a ton a bricks...causing my heart to catch in my throat for I knew exactly where they were and what I was going to have to deal with to get them back...but in truth I had no idea...no @#%$ idea at all.

        I could literally feel my heart as it beat furiously within my chest...could feel the blood as it pulsed through my veins as I stood out side the door of the man that I was still head over heels in love with. I knew that in truth I could have made a new key with my alien powers and it would have worked just as well as the real one...but I was desperate to see him...to look upon his beautiful face if even for just the briefest of moments. I missed him so desperately that I would have used just about any excuse to see him and that one was about as good as any as I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. I held that same breath as I heard him walk hard across the floor...throwing open the door and instead of seeing the face that I had longed to see from the moment I had left that same apartment well over two weeks...I instead came face to face with one almost identical to my own.

        For what felt like hours...but was in reality only a few minutes we stood before each other neither able to move...much less be coherent enough to even speak as we continued to stand there stunned. It may have taken me a bit of time...but eventually I got my wits about me as I pushed past him and entered what appeared to be him and Kyle's apartment. I could not believe the utter anger and resentment that consumed me as he grabbed me by the arm and attempted to thwart my advancement into the one place that for a short period of time I thought of as my own. I didn't know if Max knew about Kyle and I...and I didn't care as I turned to him and blasted him hard across the tiny apartment with my powers. "Get your @#%$ hands off of me" I screamed as I walked past his stunned figure and entered the bedroom that we once shared. I knew where I keys where...for they were in the same drawer that I had placed them in one night after Kyle and I had taken a relaxing drive into the mountains. However...Max had other ideas about me entering the once love next of Kyle and myself as he sent a blast of energy my way...sending me careening into the nearby wall. "What the hell are you doing here" he screamed crazily as he threw himself atop my still startled body. "If you think that he wants you back you better think again you mother @#%$. He is mine...you got me...mine" his screams continued as I began to feel the blunt blows of his fists as he began to punch me with all that he was worth.

        I tried to control my utter rage...but it was impossible as it flooded my very soul as I took hold of his neck and began to squeeze watching the very life leave our similar eyes. "Rot in hell you son of a bitch" I spoke through clenched teeth as spittle flew crazily across his blue tinged face. "You have @#%$ with his head so much that he can't see that you are using him...that you are slowly going to continue to take from him until you leave nothing but a hollow shell. I should @#%$ kill you...but he loves you and I would never do anything to hurt Kyle the way that you constantly do" I screamed madly as with one final thrust I sent him crashing on top of the bed as he fought to bring life living breath into his starved lungs. Quickly I pulled myself off the floor as I grabbed the keys out of the drawer and bounded for the door.

        "You...you really love him" I heard him squeak out as he struggled to bring himself into a sitting position. Turning I faced the true king of Antar...staring deep into his eyes. "I won't deny that" I spat through clenched teeth yet again. "That...however does not matter because he loves you. He wants to be with you...but he doesn't deserve to be treated the way that you have treated him in the past" I was trying to control my anger as well as my tears as I continued to stare at this man with so much hate written on his face that I already knew that this fight was far from over...but I was more then ready for anything that he decided to throw my way. I was so in love with Kyle that I was willing to hand him over to Max...not that he didn't just hand himself over...but I was willing to leave him be with the man that he truly wanted to be with...if only to ensue his happiness.

        "You don't know @#%$ about what Kyle and I share...about our relationship"

        "I know that you lied to him for years...I know that you broke his heart into a thousand pieces when you cheated on him. I know that you just let him leave Roswell and didn't try to get in contact with his for a whole year...and then the only reason that you did was that you found out about me. I know that you are lucky enough to have a second chance with this man. Love him...cherish him and treat him with the love that he deserves. Kyle is the kind of man that I have been searching for my whole life...but he...but he...loves you" I could feel my heart break for what felt like the millionth time as I uttered those words...for my heart knew that they were true...that infact what Kyle and I had shared was in deed over for good. "Just don't @#%$ this up" I said half heartedly as I turned to leave that room...that apartment that held so many wondrous memories for me.

        My muscles were tense and taunt as I awaited the retaliation that I knew was to come...and just as I expected I felt him as he lunged off the bed and dummy tackled me to the hard floor. Punches were thrown...blood was spilt as fists come into contact with tender skin and I found that I longed for it. I longed to beat the @#%$ out of Max Evans...a beating so severe that no amount of healing aliens powers was going to help him. I wanted him to hurt physically as I was hurting internally and I was more then willing to take a pounding as well as long as it meant that he suffered at my hands for just a while longer. I didn't know what happened next...but one minute I had him pinned below me as I continued to inflict severe damage to my identical twin and then the next I was being jerked off of his badly beaten and bloodied body by an unseen force.

        Throwing up my shield of protection from the force I quickly opened my extremely swollen eyes and came face to face with Rath...or what appeared to be a cleaner version of Rath. He tried to speak to me...but Max had other ideas as he jerked himself off the floor and came barreling towards me...screaming like a banshee intent on inflicting the same kind of hurt that I had just inflicted on him. I turned to face the madman...readying myself for his blows...but they never came as Michael sent a blast of white light in the direction of Max...sending him flying across the entire length of the apartment where he landed with a severe crash...knocking him fully unconscious. I looked from Michael to Max and then back to Michael...but before he had a chance to utter a single word I bolted out the door without a second glance.

        I was livid...I was stunned and I was flooded with so much nervous energy that I knew that if I didn't expel it I was going to explode into oblivion as I sped crazily down the highway towards my house...healing the wounds that littered the outside of body and wishing like hell that I could heal the ones inside. I needed to do something...anything to get rid of all that consumed me as I quickly exited the interstate and headed for the one place I knew that I could blow off that excess steam in a healthy manner. The ringing of my cell phoned jerked me out of my @#%$ up thoughts and I jerked it open...screaming madly across the line.

Continue to Part Fourteen

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