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Stupidity...My Love for You, Chapter Eleven

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Sent to the Roswell Slash Archive June 14, 2002


        Zan...

        I tried to hold them at bay as I raced down Main Street in an attempt to flee the hurt and the pain of finding him...even after the glorious day we had had...mooning over that @#%$ picture of Max Evans. I may have tried to hold them at bay...but my tears had other ideas as they bled fastly from eyes...just like the way my heart was bleeding from the sheer upset of it all. I was devastated...and more then a little angry with myself for I knew when I started this relationship with him that he had a lot of baggage...that he in fact was still in love with another man. I felt like such a fool for he had told me quite plainly that he would never stop loving my dupe and yet I pushed future...pushed ahead with the love that I felt for him...knowing deep down that eventually this night was going to happen. I was blinded by my own devastation that I didn't even see the stop sign that I had blown through...didn't see that same motorcycle cop from a previous night before until it was too late and he was pulling me over yet again.

        "We seem to be meeting time and time again" he spoke gruffly through the window of my car and he wrote down my driving information as I waited for my impending ticket. "So...where is your little helmet loving friend" I looked at him as I tried to speak...but my tears spoke alone as they as well as the sobs that I had been hiding went crashing down all over me.

        "I'm sorry" I sobbed...feeling like such as ass as he continued to stand before my window with a look of pure shock upon his face. He just stood there speechless looking at me with a look of pity and understanding as he ripped up the ticket and shoved the tiny pieces into the pocket of his leather jacket.

        "What's say we just forget about this ticket for tonight"

        "Thank...thank you. I'm just having a really bad night tonight I guess" I hiccupped...thoroughly embarrassed as I searched for something...anything to wipe my dripping nose with.

        "Here" she said as he handed me a handkerchief he had taken from another pocket. "Look...you really seem like you could use someone to talk to and I my shift ends in about twenty minutes...so if you want to talk I know this bar over on Jefferson where we could talk"

        "I own that bar" I chuckled lightly as I wiped at my nose once again.

        "Really...you own DJ's" he questioned.

        "Daniel James...you should know that since in the last week you have pulled me over twice" I attempted at a joke trying like hell to cover the embarrassment of the whole situation.

        "Yeah...your right" he laughed as a faint blush had began to spread across his face. "But if you didn't keep breaking traffic laws I wouldn't have had to pull you over...now would I. So how about it...would you like to meet me for a drink later"

        Then it was my turn to sit there with a look of sheer shock on my face for I could not believe after the horrendous night that I had had...this man was asking me out for a drink. I was speechless...and truth be told I was so angry with Kyle and myself that I even considered taking him up on his offer. But since I had been with Kyle I had changed. I was no longer that man that @#%$ anything that came on to me...I wanted more then that. I wanted to be in love and all that good stuff that went along with it. Don't get me wrong...I wanted Kyle to suffer for hurting me that way that he did...but I didn't want to hurt an innocent bystander in the process either. "Thank you for the offer officer...but I am going to have to decline. I have a plane to catch in about two hours and I really need to get home and pack" I could tell that he was trying to figure out if the words I had spoken were just a line or if they were really true and I guess that he decided that they were true for he nodded and walked back to his car...only to open the door and grab something and then make his way back to where I continued to sit.

        "The name is Isaiah Washington" he said as he handed me his business card. "My offer still stands if you want to get together for a drink when you get back from your trip" I took the card and thanked him as I causally tossed it in the ashtray of my car and drove off.

        I was exhausted...mentally and physically as I boarded that plane headed for New York. I tried to sleep...but everything that had happened that night kept invading my already screwed up mind. On more then one occasion I had to excuse my self and run to the restroom where I tried to compose myself. Poor Jimmy didn't know what the hell was wrong with me...but he later told me that he had an idea that it was somehow Kyle related. He had also informed me that he did not like Kyle from the first time that he had laid eyes on him...but I later found out that Jimmy had been harboring a huge crush on me for sometime and he looked at Kyle as serious competition.

        That week turned out to be one of the longest weeks of my life as I met with my investors...but my heart wasn't in what I should have been trying to do. For years it had been my dream to expand the bar into a club where anyone who wanted to have a good time could go...and there I was sulking and depressed over my broken heart and because of it...the investors fell through and I was even more depressed then I ever thought possible. That last night there I drank everything and anything that was alcohol based...even the complimentary mouthwash for I was in a tailspin and I didn't care what the hell I had to do to make the pain go away for even just a little while. "What the hell did he do to you" Jimmy questioned as I burst into his room and began to raid the mini-bar for mine had been completely emptied earlier by me.

        "I don't want to talk about it" I slurred as I turned from the mini-bar...capturing his chin with my hand as I squeezed his lips shut. "All I want to a damn drink...call room service and order me a bottle of bourbon" I ordered as I pushed him towards the phone as I fell back wards onto his double bed.

        "I think that you have had enough for one night" he responded as he sat down besides me. "DJ...tell me what the hell happened. I know that you acting like this has something to do with Kyle"

        "Don't...don't mention that name" I whispered as I sat up in an attempt to leave the room and be alone with my tortured thoughts of Kyle...but Jimmy had other ideas as he quickly stood up and blocked my path. "Get out of my way" I growled as I pushed past him...only to have him grab my arm and spin me around till I was once again facing him. I tried to speak...tried to release the grip that he held on my arm...but before I had a change to do anything...he was shoving his tongue down my throat. I was startled to say the least...but in my drunken state coherent thought was not an option and before I knew it we were on the bed...our bodies thrashing madly against each other's.

        Everything is still a bit fuzzy after that. I still till this day don't remember much...and due to the amount of alcohol that I consumed that night...who can blame my poor dead brain cells. All I really remember is that when I woke up the next morning Jimmy was laying besides me and we were both completely naked. "What the hell happened" I spat...regretting it immediately as a sheer bolt of pain flooded my head.

        "What do you think happened...we made love last night" he answered giddily as he placed a quick kiss upon my lips. "I have to tell you DJ I have been waiting for something like last night to happen for the last two years. I have been in love with you for so long and now that Kyle is out of the picture we can move on with our relationship" I was stunned beyond belief as he continued to blabber on endlessly about his long abided love for me and all the plans that he had for our future together. Besides the room spinning madly around me...I felt as if I was going to be sick...felt as if I had finally hit the bottom of the barrel and I had no earthly idea how to crawl out of it.

        "I...I have to get out of here" I stammered...wrapping the sheet around my waist as I jumped out of bed and headed for the door adjoining my own room.

        "DJ...look I know that this happened so fast and that you must be confused as hell as I spout off words about you and I and our future....but I have been in love with you for so long and I think that if you give me a chance you will see that I can make you happy" he spoke...a look of hopefulness so clearly written on his face. The truth was that I did understand where it was that he was coming from...more then he could even know.

        "I'm sorry Jimmy...but the only person that can make me happy in this world is Kyle. What happened last night between us was a mistake. I was drunk and I didn't know what I was doing. I was trying to forget Kyle and in the process I may have lost a great friend and for that I will always be sorry. I'm taking an earlier flight back home...your welcome to stay for a few more days if you like and I'll understand if you don't want to come back to work for me considering what happened" I watched the exact moment that his heart broke as my words had begun to sink in. He didn't say a word...all he did was nod his head in understanding and then he walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him...leaving me alone with all my thoughts and regrets.

Continue to Part Twelve

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