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Stupidity...My Love for You, Chapter Ten

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Sent to the Roswell Slash Archive June 14, 2002


        "OMFG...ZAAAAN" I had screamed out as another mind-altering orgasms over took my shuddering body. I didn't know what it was about that man...but every time that he touched me he had such an effect on unlike anything I ever felt with Max. Falling to my knees...he didn't give me much time to gather my gasping breath as he attached his semen coated lips to my own. It was once of the most intense kisses that we had ever had and I found that I never wanted it to end...not ever. I realized at that very moment that my feelings for Zan had in fact changed...that although I did care for him a great was not the correct word to express the true depths of my feelings for him. I was in love with a man that I swore that I would never allow myself to fall in love with...and yet there it was. "Zan..." I moaned against those same lips that had given me the greatest of pleasures not moments before as I broke our scorching lip lock intent on speaking those words that he had been longing to hear from the first time we had made love all those months ago. "Zan...I...I..."

        The ringing on the doorbell quickly ended all thoughts of proclaiming my love of that man. "Ignore it" he whispered as he once again took my lips beneath his. However the person...or persons as it turned out to be had other ideas as in their impatience they began to lean on the buzzer with renewed determination. "@#%$ me" he groaned out in frustration as he fell back against the floor. I couldn't stop the grin that plastered itself on my face at his choice of words as he laid there with a look of pure molten lust radiating from his eyes.

        "Of that I have all intentions" I countered as I laid myself fully atop him with all intents of ignoring what I assumed was either a bible thumper or someone that wanted to sell me something. All thoughts of my uninvited guest quickly vanished as I forcefully ripped the cotton shirt that he was wearing down the middle...exposing his exquisite chest and stomach. Tweaking his more then sensitive pierced nipples between my fingers caused him to jerk upward as he sucked in much needed air through clenched teeth. "Do you like it when I do that" I questioned as I tightened the hold that I held on them by twisting them as tenderly as possible.

        "Yes..." he cried out through those same clenched teeth. I had to admit that those few words caused a flurry of excitement to run through me at all the possibilities that we could enter in our sex life. I knew that Zan had been around the block a time or two for he had been brutally honest about it one night as we got to talking about our past sexual experiences. I had to admit that I was nothing more then a @#%$ armature when it came to sex since I had only been with one other man in my lifetime. He had told me that he had tried just about everything possible and that he liked to experiment when it came to sex...and that night I was more then eager to start my own experiments.

        "Do you want to me to do it again" I teased as I blew lightly against his inflamed nubs as I flicked my tongue along the heated dumbbells that protruded from his tender spots. "Do you want me to do it again...Zan"

        "Again..." he growled as he arched upwards in an attempt to affix my lips to his neglected nipples...but I had other ideas as I raked my fingernails roughly down his chest and over his sensitive I stopped right above his pelvic area. He was wiggling so much underneath me as I continued to straddle him that I thought I was going to blow another load from the friction of it all. "Kyle...please...don't tease. I want to @#%$" he spoke lustfully as he quickly turned the tables on me as he pinned me below his pulsing penis. I didn't have a chance to react...and in truth I really had nothing to say as he slammed his hardened dick so far up my ass that I could have sworn I had seen stars. I could feel the sweat as if poured off his body...covering my fully over heated one as he continued to pound into me unmercifully. I knew he was ready as he quickened his pace as he exploded into me filling me with his juices.

        "How is it that we always seem to never make it to the bed lately" I giggled as I laid my head upon his heaving chest as we continued to lay on the floor after our last bout of lovemaking.

        "The floors closer" he laughed as he wrapped his arms tighter around my shoulder...placing a quick kiss upon my tussled head of hair. "You know I can never wait to make love to you Dimples" his laughter mixed with my own for we both knew that his words were true and to the point. Our relationship had had gotten better and most times we could barely keep our hands off of each other. Time and time again we would end up making love on the floor of my room...the kitchen...even the bathroom floor was non virginal...but that was one of the reasons that I loved that man...since I never knew what or where we were going to end up screwing like bunnies next. "Damn...I am running late" he cried out as he placed a quick kiss on my lips and slipped out from under me...running in the direction of the bathroom.

        "Late for what" I questioned to his retreating figure...but he hadn't heard me as he closed the door behind him. I heard the water from the shower beat down onto the surface of the tub as he sang some undetectable song in an off key tone. I couldn't help but forget what I had entered the bathroom for as I gawked at his distorted figure through the glass of the shower door. Even distorted you couldn't help but admire the buffness that was Zan. We were both very muscular men...but Zan was more finely sculptured and I was as usual rendered speechless as I continued to gape at him.

        " can either stare at my naked ass for the next ten minutes or you can get in here and let me make love to you one last time before I leave for my trip. I had found my voice quickly as I thrust open the shower door and stood before him thoroughly confused as to what the hell he was talking about.

        "Trip...leave..." I stammered as he jerked me into the stall where we had shared many a sexual encounters in the past months as he pinned me against the wall and attempted to kiss me. "Zan...stop. What the hell are you talking about going on a trip. You never told..."

        "I did tell you...the other night when you were pouting over the fact that I had disturbed you while you were talking to Michael on the phone. wouldn't talk to me for an hour and then when I tried to leave you were all over me"

        I could remember that night quite vividly as Mike was about to tell me something about Max and Liz and before he had a chance to spill it Zan had walked in and grabbed the phone from my hands...telling Mike that he had something to tell me and that I would call him back later. I was livid and as Zan had stated would not speak to him for well over an hour as he chatted on about some @#%$ about work...and then it hit me. He had told me about this trip...but I hadn't heard it due to the fact that I was too busy stewing over what I perceived as rudeness and of course the fact that I was still hung up on Max had nothing to do with it. Back then I was still filled with some hope that Max would leave Liz and come for me...and then stupidity reared its ugly head again. I knew that he must have told me...but I was angry. Angry at the fact that he was leaving me alone and even angrier as the events of that night replayed in my head.

        "Your @#%$ crazy" I ranted as I pulled briskly away from him. I threw open the door...causing it to slam loudly against the tiled wall as the glass shattered all over the floor. "Just @#%$ great" I yelled hysterically as I grabbed a towel off the back of the toilet and ran from the steamed room. I could hear him as he called after me...but I chose to ignore him as I began fumbling through my dresser for some clean clothes.

        "Kyle...what the hell is your problem" I heard him speak brusquely behind me. "I told you that I was leaving today...that was why I planned this whole day for us so we..."

        "I knew that there was a reason for this..." I countered accusingly as I turned to face him...madness unlike anything that I had every felt before coursing wildly through me. "So that was you plan...take me out for a glorious day" I mocked as I continued to let the madness over take me. "@#%$ me senseless and then leave my ass. I should have know that I couldn't trust you...that you were using me for..."

        "Don't do this Kyle...please" he begged as he stepped forward as he attempted to take me in his arms.

        "Don't do what..." I pushed him away as the sounds of my hands upon his bare skin echoed loudly around us. I watched as he jerked backwards...watched as he almost fell to the floor as he lost his footing...only to catch himself on a nearby nightstand. "Call it like it is...and just how long will you be gone...and with whom will you be with since we all know that it sure as hell isn't going to be me"

        "Kyle...I'm not going with anyone but Jimmy from the bar. You know that we have been trying to open another bar in L.A. and I have to meet with the investors in New York. I'll only be gone for a week"

        "'ve been @#%$ Jimmy on the side too huh" I questioned as the madness continued to roll off of me in waves of craziness. "Get your @#%$ together and get the @#%$ out of my house and don't' you dare @#%$ come back"

        "Kyle...where is this coming from" he questioned me sadly. I could see the hurt so plainly in his eyes...but it only served to egg me on. "Your being know that I love're the only man that I will ever love"

        "Well isn't that love me and have Jimmy as your @#%$ buddy when ever you want. Well...tell you what run off to New York with Jimmy and @#%$ him till you die"

        "I don't know where the @#%$ this is coming from...but I will tell you this...get over it and get over it quick Kyle...because if I walk out of her tonight and you are still acting like this...I won't be @#%$ coming back"

        "Don't let the door hit you in the ass of your way out" I rebutted as I grabbed his shirt off the floor at my feet and tossed it roughly at him. I didn't really know where that anger was coming from...all I knew at that time was that I wanted him gone and I wanted Max more then I had ever wanted him before. I watched as he turned from me and walked into the bathroom...slamming the door furiously behind him. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes as I ran for the one thing that meant more to me at that point in only true possession of picture of Max. I held my tears at bay as I continued to look at the picture of the man that had made me the happiest and the saddest in the short few years that I had know him. I was in my own little world as I traced his outline with my finger as images of what was my life with Max flooded my confused mind. I was so into my own little Max world that I didn't hear him come up behind me...only heard an ungodly animalistic growl as it angrily reached my ears...felt the only real thing I had of Max as it was jerked violently from my clutches and incinerated before my very eyes.

        "FIX IT...YOU MOTHER @#%$" I screamed out as I tried to dive for what was left of my last token of affection from the one that I still loved despite everything he had done to me...only to have my advances thwarted as he slammed me painfully against the wall. I tried to break out of his grip...but he was far more powerful then I was as he yet again slammed me into the broadness of the wall. I watched through dazed eyes as he attempted to speak...watched as his lips tried to form words that would just not come. As if in slow motion...I watched as the arm that didn't have me pinned to the wall formed into a fist...watched as that very fist came barreling towards my unprotected face...watched as it whizzed past my face and struck the wall directly besides me. I felt the cool air as it rushed past my startled face...felt my head jerk abruptly as his fist made the connection with the wall besides me...felt a sharp sting in my ass as I fell quickly to the floor below as he without a second glance in my direction stormed out of the door and out of my life yet again. It was like a similar scene with Max...the one where he left me sitting dumbfounded on the floor as my heart broke into a million pieces.

        He was gone...he had run out of my life and all I could so was sit on the floor and bawl like a spoiled rotten child. I was devastated and general I was one @#%$ up person. I had no idea what to do...what to think...but what I did know that it was my entire fault. I was the one that had caused this...and as always it was due to my stupidity. I loved Zan for I had already come to that conclusion as I was about to tell him so...and yet when things didn't go my way I did what I always did...I focused all my attention back towards Max. I didn't think that that night could have gotten any worse...but oh was I very wrong.

Continue to Part Eleven

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