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Stupidity...My Love for You, Chapter One
Reply to StormyBear29 or visit her websiteSent to the Roswell Slash Archive June 14, 2002
Title: Stupidity...My love for you
Couple: Kyle/Max Kyle/Zan
Rating: Strong R/NC-17
Summary: Kyle has been in love with Max for as long as he can remember...but being the super jock stud of Roswell High he never let it be known...that was until the night that Max brought him back from death due to a stray bullet. Wanna know what happens next...and just how Zan comes into the picture...well read on below. :p
"Your crushing me Dimples" I hear him chuckle as I continue to cling to him for dear life...fearful that he may once again disappear from my life and leave me alone and miserable. I know that he really doesn't mind that I am squeezing the very breath out of his lungs...for he is holding me just as tightly as I am holding him. We have been though hell and back the two of us...each has suffered severely as the hands of the ones that we once loved more them life itself...and yet we lived to tell the tale...lived to find love in the most of unexpected of places...in each other. I love him...love him more then I have ever loved anyone in my entire life. If I was to believe that true soul mates existed...then he would be my pick hands down. Yes...I love him and yet I almost lost him due to my cowardess and stupidity...due to my stubbornness to see what was so plainly before my very eyes the whole time. He...unlike me knew from the moment that we met that we were meant to be together and he was even man enough to state so right after our first night together. He knew and had stated quite clearly that he would do just about anything to ensure that I became his and his alone...but I had to push the envelope...and I quickly found that just about anything doesn't always mean for certain.
I know...I know your dying to know who the hell we are...why he calls me dimples...and how it is that I am now head over heels in love with a reject hybrid king of another planet...well don't worry I will reveal all to you in time...but first we must start from the beginning...
First you must know that in the summer of 2000 I was shot and killed by a stray bullet intended for one Max Evans. I felt the bullet penetrate my skin...felt it slash through my internal organs...felt it literally snatch the very life from my barely breathing body...and then he saved me. It was that night that the true depth of my feelings for Max Evans was revealed...it was that night that forever changed what I used to know of as the norm...for it was the night that Max learned of my long harbored love for him.
I had been in love with Max for as long as I can remember. At first I used to ignore the sensations that coursed crazily through my body each and every time that I saw him...tried to follow what was perceived as normal for an all American high school super jock by dating the opposite sex. Since I was young I found that I was different...found that I was more attracted to the guys playing on the court beside me...then the cheerleaders rallying for us on the sidelines...but fear and shame forced me to remain under an assumed identity...the identity of Kyle Valenti...teenage stud puppy. I must have dated ninety percent of West Roswell Highs female population in the four years that I attended...and yet not once did I sleep with a single one of them. It was easy to put up the façade that I had...and even if they said that we didn't...I was a stud and to the population of WRH I was a god and my words was golden.
During the middle of my junior I became aware of Liz Parker...school nerd...book worm and well known virgin. She was my ticket to a bit of peace for I knew that I would never have to worry about getting into her pants and that was just fine with me. We dated for almost eight months before Max and his alien powers blasted their way into our lives...and nothing...not a damn thing was ever the same again. Turns out he was hiding to...hiding a similar secret that he was not willing to share with anyone...and then I died and everything else in both of our lives changed in a nano-second.
I didn't know about Max's uncanny alien healing powers until that fateful night he saved me and I was grateful...and it was during my untimely healing that he was also able to see into my very soul and it was there that he learned of my unwavering love of him. I was clueless to the fact that he knew for a short while and the truth is I didn't even care...due in large part to the fact that I was barely able to process the fact that there were in fact aliens walking among us and the one person that I had been lusting over for so many years was the king of them all. Even though Liz and I were no longer dating we had remained good friends and right before I high tailed it out of Roswell for a few weeks for football camp and to clear my muddled head she spilled it all. She told me everything about Max...Michael and Isabel...causing me to freak out even more then imaginable. Praise Buddha I found something while I was there to ease my troubled mind and spirit for thanks to a guy I met from a neighboring school I found the teachings of Buddha. His teachings were exactly what I needed to help me through my time of confusion...not only referring to the whole aliens are among us aspect...but also for my continuing love of Max Evans despite the fact that he was...different.
I came back into town with a new lease on life and I had decided that I was going to be who I wanted to be. No more hiding behind the façade of Kyle Valenti super jock...no more denying who I really was...and most importantly no more ignoring the fact that the love that I felt for Max was real. No matter what the cost I was going to show him just how much I loved him...even if it meant hurting Liz in the process. I had hidden my love of him for too long and even though the chances of getting killed by his alien powers if he didn't reciprocate my feelings were great...I was going to take the chance and lay my love for him out there on the line. I had a plan...this huge elaborate scheme to lure Max into my lair and seduce him. Yeah...it was a great plan...perfect right down to the littlest detail...but Max he had other ideas I found out as he showed up on my doorstep my first night back into town...and neither of our lives had been the same since.
"Max...what are you doing here" I asked...my heart hammering spasmodically in my chest at the clearly apprehensive love of my life standing nervously on my front porch.
"I...I just need to talk to you for a few minutes. Can...can I come in" he asked...stammering as he shifted from foot to foot as if in some sort of pee pee dance that young children do when they really have to go to the restroom.
"Sure...yeah...um...right" I stammered...fighting for the right words as I opened the door wider and allowed him to brush past me...the scent of his cologne sending me out into the stratosphere from the sheer closeness of his body. Closing the door anxiously behind me I turned to face him so we could begin our little chat...but there was no time for ideal chit chat as I came face to face with the man that I had mooned over for years and before any words could be spoken...he lips were crushing brutally against my own. To say I was stunned was an understatement...but my shock quickly vanished as I realized that Max Evans...man of my dreams...man whose year book picture I had jacked off to on more then one occasion was kissing me with such passion that it literally took my breath away. It was amazing the way that our mouths fit together as we continued to explore every nook and cranny of each others caverns...somehow ending up on the couch in my living room...completely nude and doing things to each other that I had only fantasized about in my wettest...wildest dreams.
Afterwards...after we had finished doing what it was that we had been doing...he sat at the end of the couch as he pulled on his quickly discarded clothing...and yet he said not a word. I was still trying to comprehend what it was that had just happened...for I knew that it had to be another frenzied wet dream and I would wake up any second and he and what we has just shared would be gone once again. "No one can know about what just happened" I heard him whisper hoarsely as he broke the deafening silence that surrounded us...and in the process shattered my perfect sex dream for now I knew this was on fact not a dream...that I had in fact just had had sex with him and now he was going to tell me he never wanted to see me again...or something worse. I didn't say a word...how could I since my heart was literally breaking in half and those pieces were forcing their way up into my constricted throat. "Kyle..." he questioned concerned as he now turned to face me fully...a look that I could not quite decipher on his handsome face.
"I know" I choked out finally able to swallow my shattered heart as I avoided eye contact at all cost. "Don't worry Evans your secrets are safe with me. Tonight was a mistake...I understand that and..." Getting up from the couch I continued to avoid those beautiful hazel eyes...unable to finish my sentence as I made my way across the room pretending to look out the window for I didn't want him to see the tears quickly forming in my eyes. "You should go" I heard him get up off the couch...heard him walk across the squeaky floorboards of the wooden floor...felt the warmth of his hands as he placed them upon my bare arms as he turned me around to face him. I was still speechless as he gently cupped my face within the warmth of his glorious hands...wiping the escaping tears from my eyes. It was the simplest of gestures and yet it meant more to me at that time then you can ever imagine.
"I never said that what just happened between us was a mistake. It's just...it's just" he paused for a moment as he tried to find the exact words for I could tell that he was just as confused as I was. "It's just complicated. Kyle...I come with a lot of baggage and if we were to continue with this we would have to keep it in secret. No one could ever know about us...too many people would be hurt and lord knows that I have hurt enough people in the last few years to last a lifetime. I just can't bare to hurt anyone else...but I do know that I want to be with you...want to try and make a go of this...if...if you do" he stammered a faint blush covered his chiseled face. "We just have to talk before we go any further. I have so much to share with you and I want you to know everything about me and what I am"
I know now what I should have said...know that I should have told him to get his alien ass the @#%$ out of my house and take his secret love for me and shove it where the sun don't shine...but I was weak with my love for him. I loved him so much back then...or maybe I was just too lonely to say no...but either way I told him that I was willing to be his lover and hide in the shadows waiting for him to come to me whenever time presented itself. Till this very day we have never had that talk that he had promised...but when it came to Max he never kept any of the promises he made to me anyway. Besides...there was never any time for talking when it came to Max and I anyway. Our time was so short and so precious that having the talk was never a priority...at least not to him. As I think back now I see that Max was living the American dream. He had a beautiful girl who loved him with all her heart and soul...a girl who he could proudly display for the entire world to see whenever they went out. They were the perfect couple in theory...the beautiful couple that everyone envied whenever they saw them in public and then he had me. I was the one that he @#%$ like there was no tomorrow when ever he had a whim to be with me. I was also one of those that envied what they had for it was what I wanted more then anything in my life at that time. I wanted to be the one that Max displayed as his trophy...wanted to be the one that everyone envied...wanted to take Liz's place and be part of that beautiful couple...and I knew that it was never going to happen and yet I clung to the hope that one day it might just had happened.
I now know that Max was using me...I knew back then too...but I was to blinded by my love for him to notice...or even care much. I loved him so much that each time he hurt me...I made excuses for him...which in turn made it easier for me to forgive him time and time again. Most times when we weren't together and I allowed myself to think about the situation that I was in with Max I would allow myself to accept the truth for I knew that he was using me for sex and sympathy when ever life was to rough for him to handle and yet I allowed this to continue for four long and heart wrenching years. Four years of being kept in the shadows...unable to share in the special moments that couples are lucky enough to share with each other.
It was Liz and not me that enjoyed the perks of being Max's great love each and every holiday...was Liz that received the bouquets of flowers...the boxes of candy and the romantic evenings out among the other lovers of Roswell New Mexico as I sat at home heart broken and depressed...hoping and praying that he would come to me deep into the night and give me a sliver of what he had given her. As hard as it was for me to always be put second above Liz...I would always try to celebrate the holidays anyway for I wanted them to be special for him...wanted to feel special by him. Valentines Day...Christmas...Easter...all of them I would always have a secret surprise waiting for him when he would come...if he would come. I knew that I would never have the luxury of celebrating these holidays with him in the open but it was my hope to celebrate them with him in private and not once if he even bothered to show up...did he ever appreciate the lengths that I went to...or even try to reciprocate it. For the first year that we were together I basically kept the greeting card industry in business...cards...balloons...candy...stuffed animals...you name it...if it stated just how much my love for him meant to me...then I had to purchase it. Each and every time that I gave him my little token of affection...he would thank me and then using his powers he would turn it into dust...stating that he could not have any evidence that might link the two of us together. The first night that he did this I was devastated...and it must have been at least two hours later before I could stop the tears that continually ran from my eyes...and yet again I made another excuse for him and pushed aside my hurt and pain in order to ensure his continued happiness. It didn't matter that I was hurting...all that mattered was that he was content...that he wasn't going to leave me.
Each time after he would grace me with his presence I would ask him if he was also sleeping with Liz and time and time again he would give me the same answer. "No...I am not sleeping with Liz. You are the only one that I want to make love to...the only one that I want to be with like this" and like the stupid idiot that I was when it came to him...I believed each and every word he spoke. I believed each and every word until one time when he came to me in the early morning hours clearly upset about something. I could tell it was something serious...as he clung to me as if his world was coming to an end. "Max...baby...what is it" I asked...frightened like hell to hear his response. He didn't say anything at first as I continued to hold him...placing small loving kisses on his forehead in an attempt to sooth him. "Please Max you're scaring me. Please tell me what is the matter"
"Liz...is pregnant" he said...his sobs now echoing throughout the too silent room.
Continue to Part Two
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