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I Didn't Question It
Reply to StormyBear29 or visit her websitePosted to the RoswellSlash mailing list March 1, 2003
Title: I Didn't Question It
Rating: Strong R for Male Slash
Summary: Max needs Kyle in a way that he has never imagined and truth be told Kyle needs him just as badly.
I didn't question it when he showed up at my door in the wee hours of the morning...jerking me from my unrestful slumber...looking as if his world was about to end. I knew that look well for it was the same look that placated my own face for many years before he came to me. He didn't utter a word as he stood there before me silently...but the darkness of his eyes spoke volumes to my equally lonely heart. He didn't resist me in anyway as I took his hand and lead him to the sanctuary of my bedroom...stripping him down to his boxers as he continued to stare at me with those every expressive eyes of his. I didn't question it when I lead him to the warmth and protection of my bed...pulling him tightly into my arms as we settled under the comforter. I could literally feel my heartbreak for this man as I continued to hold him as such harrowing sounds of torturous pain erupted from his quivering lips...causing me to take him even further into the heat of my equally nude body as I attempted to stop the shivers that had enveloped him. I didn't question it when his lips sought out my own...bringing to the surface such feelings in me...feeling that till that night I never acknowledged existed.
I didn't question when I felt his hand as he laid it atop my boxer short covered penis...for it felt as natural as my own breathing as he brought to surface long hidden feelings of him. Every thing about that night felt natural and safe...felt as if it was meant to be and even now I feel that it was written in the cosmos for all eternity. We had to deal with the pain of the past in order to move on into a future together in love. I think that night was the culmination of everything horrible and painful that had happened in our short live. We had been enemies...bitter till the very end and then in a flash that all changed when he saved my very life with his healing ways. Hatred turned to fear...and fear to anger of the unknown...but eventually it blossomed into an unwavering friendship and then into a soul consuming love that will last till the ends of time.
I can now fully admit that my feelings of resentment towards him were more then just jealousy of his love of Liz and his supreme alien status...for I had been denying for years the fact that I had been in love with him for many years before hand. I never wanted to admit to anyone that I was gay...not even myself...but as he continued to make love to me that night...I knew that my life was never going to be the same again.
I didn't question it the next morning when I woke to find him gazing at me with those soulful eyes of his...as they screamed out his love and confusion at what we had shared the previous night...but as I gazed deeper into his depths I knew that from that moment forward it was going to be the two of us together as we took on the wrongs of the world...even the upsets and pains of the ones that we held dearly within our hearts. Tender kisses were shared...as we once again partook in the sharing of our bodies...fusing our heart and souls together as one yet again.
I didn't question it when we left deep within the shadows of the night for places unknown when the ones that we loved realized they could not love us in return if we were to continue with the relationship we shared because they found to be dirty and unnatural. Life was rough for us in the beginning...but we weathered it like seasoned professionals...forever bonding the love and trust that we held in each other as we began to build the kind of life that we wanted to lead. After that night we left our home for what we knew was going to be forever...Max no longer claimed the title of King...but in my heart he was always going to be king of my everything and even though he never spoke of it...I know that it made him love me even more for it.
I didn't question it when forty-five years after becoming one body... one soul...one heart for all of eternity after a partially wondrous bout of lovemaking he told me he was leaving me. He didn't have to utter the words for I knew long before that night that he was going to be leaving me soon and despite the fact that I was anguished before belief...for the sake of my love I waited for him to tell me the cursed news. I still don't know how it is that I knew...but it was something that chilled me to my very soul as the harsh reality crashed over me brutally night after night as I watched the one that I loved unlike any other...left me little by little. He died on a rainy and dark Saturday morning and even though I knew that his sands in time were quickly running away from him...the shock of it was almost my undoing when I found him cold and unmoving as I awoke from a fitful slumber.
They all came the day of his funeral...but I spoke to none of them as I mourned the loss of the man that I loved with everything that I held dear in my life. As they lowered his casket into the ground...it took every once of my severely depleted energy to not follow him into the cold and dampness for I knew that I had to be strong...knew that I had to hold what was left of my broken sanity together for promises had been made before his death and they were promises that I intended to keep until the time of my own death. He longed for me to reacquaint myself with the family and friends that we left all those years ago... he begged of me to move back to Roswell and begin life anew in the old haunts of our home town here we came together as one all those years ago.
I still love him with an all soul consuming need and I know that it will be mere days until I am joined by my love once again as I barely fight for life in the noisy quiet of my hospital room. He is near...I can feel his very essence as he comes to take me to the other side where we will truly be together as one for always and I am giddy with desired need to look upon him...to touch him...to feel his body pressed up against mine. I don't know what lies ahead for Max and myself on the other side...but I know that as long as we are together that it will be absolutely perfect in everyway as the shrill sounds of the life saving machines echo crazily around me...and then there is nothing but silence.
I can see them...can see the doctors as they try to perform life giving measures on my deceased body...but as I feel his presence behind me I look no more for the need to look upon his gloriousness it too great to bear. Tears litter my cheeks as I gaze upon the handsomeness that is my love...savoring the long forgotten heat of his touch as he wipes them from my face with the gentleness of his fingers. He doesn't speak a word...but I can hear every word of love and want he has of me as he gazes into my eyes with such love that if not already dead I know that I would die from the sheer weight of it all.
Taking my hand he leads to towards the unknown. I have no idea where we will go from here. I don't know if we will have to deal with trials and tribulations as we did in the past...and I find that I don't care for I am once again where I long to be...beside the man that I love with an unyielding passion and I know that no matter what...we will be together for always.
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