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Darkness Illuminated

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Sent to the Roswell Slash Archive January 22, 2001

Disclaimer: Not Mine. They belong to Jason Katims and the WB
Description: Maria reflects on how her life has changed.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: After A Thousand Shades of Light
Author: Shadowgrl
Authors Note: This is the companion piece to A Thousand Shades of Light, which can be found at

It's strange how life twists and turns on you when you least expect it. Although I should have learned my lesson by now, I still find myself constantly amazed at how changes can suddenly rock a person's existence and make them feel on top of the world. Or, in my case, at the bottom of the pile.

At least that's how I used to feel. Like there was a cosmic game going on around me and I was somehow set up to constantly lose at it. I felt like I was cursed. Her arrival changed all that. Or it would have if I hadn't been so scared. I could have had happiness a lot earlier if I had just had the courage. But I didn't. So I had to wait. I had to lose all of my friends over it. But it was worth it. Even now the happiness I had was worth it.

But you're probably wondering what I am talking about aren't you? I'm a little surprised you don't know already. But I'll fill you in. I have nothing to lose anymore.

It all started when she came to town. Right away she moved in on Isabel. Isabel liked her but Max and Michael didn't trust her. That meant Liz didn't trust her. Alex didn't like her because she barged in on his "lunch date" with Isabel and took Isabel's attention away from him. No one bothered to ask what I thought. If they had I would have told them. But they didn't. And I knew what they expected. So, as per the norm, I hid my real feelings. We thought she was just a normal girl. We thought wrong. She was the fourth. The one Max, Michael, and Isabel had been looking for all their lives. They had found her. Well, actually she found them. I thought they would be happy. I was wrong.

They were afraid of her. And because they didn't like that feeling they turned it into loathing. They refused to listen to anything she told them. But the biggest battle she had on her hands was "Destiny". Even though I was with Michael, kind of, and certainly had no desire to see him hook up with Isabel I felt badly for Tess. She came here thinking Max was waiting for her; that he would love her. She got a rude awakening. It was about 5'4 with shoulder length brown hair, olive skin, and brown eyes. She answered to the name of Liz Parker.

So for the entire time Tess was with us we all treated her like she was worthless. And she took it. I never understood why. But I guess I don't have much room to criticize. I wasn't exactly the poster child for a healthy relationship with my on again, off again boyfriend. I guess we had that in common. We were both suckers for Czechoslovakians who wouldn't love us. That all changed a little while ago though. Let me explain.

You see we had an enemy. A strong enemy. And he wanted us dead. Enemies always do for some reason. Guess that's why they call them enemies. But then again; there's the saying keep your enemies close but your friends closer. I can give first hand testimony to that one.

His name was Nicholas and he worked for someone named Khivar. Khivar had sent Nicholas to kill Max, Michael, Isabel and Tess and by extension, anyone who got in the way or knew their secret. Which was basically me, Liz, Alex, Kyle, and the sheriff. So Nicholas came up with this plan. He built this machine that made all the humans in Roswell disappear.

Of course you don't remember hearing about it. There wasn't anyone in Roswell to report it. Except for Liz and me. And we weren't about to say anything.

Anyway, Liz and I were out of town. When we came back the streets were deserted of people. Plenty of cars and abandoned strollers though. I remember that distinctly. Liz and I ran to the Crashdown to find the others and see if they were okay. Along the way we had our suspicions confirmed that it was Nicholas' people, the Skins, who had done this. Everyone but Tess was there when we got to the Crashdown. Well, everyone but Alex who had disappeared. At the time we didn't even think about Kyle and the sheriff. They were fairly new to the group at that point. We hadn't put them in our mental image of "the Roswell alien club" yet.

No one seemed to notice Tess wasn't there until she came in. She could have been dead and none of them would have realized it. After a bit of a scuffle with one of Nicholas' minions we decided to go to the UFO museum where Max worked. It would be safer for us there. We all made it there safely except for Isabel. She went somewhere on her own. Max went after her but he wasn't able to find her.

Now pay attention because this is where everything comes into play.

The others had wandered about the museum doing their own little things. They left Tess and me alone up front. I was angry at the time. Angry that Tess let them treat her like that; angry that I let them treat her like that. I felt weak and out of control. I continued pacing back and forth; I could feel her watching me. She was always doing that. I knew because I was always watching back. She never caught me though. She told me so.

I walked past a display and there was a woman in it. I barely even noticed it; probably wouldn't have cared except when I walked back she was no longer there. I knew even as I started to turn around that it would be too late for me. So I screamed Tess' name hoping to give her enough time to defend herself. Instead she defended me. She dusted the Skin with a karate kick. It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. And that includes what Max did for Liz last year. She was so fluid and graceful; I wanted to be able to move like that. She then dropped to her knees and put her hand on my thigh. My mind went blank at that moment. Her touch; it set me on fire but at the same time this incredible feeling of calm came over me. I am not a calm person. Anyone who knows me will tell you that. I am constantly sniffing cypress oil and taking herbs to make me calm. But at that moment, it was like this total clarity.

But the others running in broke the moment. After that Max decided he, Michael and Tess would go to the school for a showdown. I know it sounds lame but he was the leader. We all listened to him. Except Kyle. He faced him down and said he knew where Nicholas' weapon was and that he, Liz and I would go deactivate it. Well, Max wasn't happy but Kyle made it pretty clear that was how it was gonna be. So that's how it was.

To make a long story short, we found the weapon. Along the way Liz disappeared. Kyle went a few minutes later leaving me alone. I disappeared too, but not before I short-circuited the weapon. Liz, Kyle and I all reappeared at the same time. We ran around screaming and hugging each other. That was the last time Liz ever hugged me.

Tess had saved my life. Now I decided to take control of it. I was tired of being weak, tired of being used. I thought about it for a few days and made a decision. I broke up with Michael. He was shocked. I laughed at him. I couldn't help it. I guess he really had expected me to wait around forever. He thought I was leaving him for Brody. He couldn't have been further from the truth.

I went to her straight after I left Michael's. When she answered the door I could tell she was surprised to see me but she let me in anyway. Luckily, Kyle and the sheriff weren't home. I told her I had never gotten to thank her for saving my life and she tried to say it wasn't needed. I cut her off in mid-sentence by simply pressing my mouth to hers. She was stunned but I knew she wouldn't say no. When she had touched me that day at the museum I had gotten a flash. My first one. I saw how she felt about me and I knew she wouldn't turn me away. So I proceeded to thank her for saving me, not from the Skin, but from myself and my own misguided need to punish myself.

That day we spent the entire time exploring each other. We learned each others bodies yes, but we also learned of our souls and hearts, our minds came together. It was amazing.

In retrospect I see this is my fault. We were happy in our own world. No one had bothered to see what was going on. We were safe. But I was tired of hiding. We were already hiding from Nicholas, why should we hide from our friends? I asked Tess if we could tell them about us. She was afraid; afraid they would turn me against her. I reassured her as best I could. She finally agreed but we decided to take one more day for ourselves before we did. We went shopping that day. We tried on goofy clothes and bought outlandish things we would never wear. We blasted the stereo until the walls shook. We made love and lay in a puddle of sunlight. We had dinner and made love in the moonlight. We were happy.

We held a meeting to tell them. We told them all at the same time. We thought it went well. I see now that we were fooled. Liz, Max, Michael, Isabel, and Alex they didn't take it very well. We thought they did but they lied. Tess was right. They thought she was controlling me; using her mind warping ability on me. They didn't understand we completed each other. So they planned. They planned to rip us apart.

They were subtle. We were both so thrilled they weren't upset that we didn't even see it. They tried any number of things to get Tess to admit she was controlling me or me to ask for help in escaping her but we were clueless. We had no idea what they thought. They finally accepted that I wasn't going to ask for help and Tess wasn't going to admit anything. So they had a meeting.

None of them wanted to go home and be the Royal Four. There was another set; let them be the royalty. They wanted to stay here with their parents, their friends and lovers. They made a decision that day. If Tess wasn't going to give me up and let me go back to Michael "my soulmate" then they would have to remove her. And they did. They killed her.

Liz called me and asked me to come over. I kissed Tess goodbye and wrote her a quick note as she lay sleeping in the moonlight. The darkness illuminated her golden hair and the porcelain beauty of her skin. I quietly slipped out the door not knowing that the moment I left was the moment they attacked.

They were each other's alibi. They never suspected I would think it was them. After all we had Nicholas to worry about. And I wouldn't have. But Michael always was clumsy. He left it behind you see. The one picture we had ever had taken together. There were only two copies of that picture. I had torn mine up. That left his. It must have fallen out of his pocket. He was probably looking at it before they went in and didn't notice it slipped out of his pocket.

When I came home the front door was open. I went in a little worried but not too much. Tess was strong I knew she could handle herself. I walked into the bedroom and was greeted with the sight of my love. She lay on the bed nude. Her throat had been slit and they had cut her body up. I stumbled to the front door and collapsed. That was when I saw the picture. I couldn't believe it was there so I picked it up. I had my second flash of my life then. I saw Michael, Max, and Isabel outside, saw them watch me leave. I saw them go in the house and I heard the one short scream Tess got out.

And that is why I am here. To tell you my story. To give you what you want. Because they betrayed their own race and me all because they couldn't believe that anyone other than Max and Liz could be soulmates. So the answer to your question is Yes Agent Stevens. Max Evans, Isabel Evans, and Michael Guerin are aliens from another planet. As is Liz Parker who may once have been human but has now proven beyond a shade of doubt that she is one no longer.

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