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The End of the Continuity, 5/10

Reply to Nicole Anell or visit her website

Added to the Roswell Slash Archive June 25, 2001

The End Of The Continuity
Chapter: 5
By: Nicole Anell
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: parody
Disclaimer: See part one.

**Max returns to Future Tess, who has witnessed the last exchange and is staring at him with her mouth wide open. Max whimpers and then bursts into hysterical sobs, wiping his nose on his sleeve. Future Tess hands him a tissue.**

MAX: You... you're not disappearing. It didn't work.


MAX: What now? How do I keep us from making sex... having love... I'm getting them all mixed up now! (*bursts into tears again*)

FUTURE TESS: Maybe you could try treating me like you've been treating Liz and Isabel.

MAX: But I thought I was!

FUTURE TESS: You have to try harder. You have to let yourself change.... at least stop crying for a minute.

MAX: (*clams up*) Okay, I've got an idea. (*he picks up a cell phone and dials Tess's number... he speaks into the phone*) You're an alien slut trashy ho bag and I hate you with the fire of a thousand suns! You whore! I..... Oh... hi, Sheriff Valenti.... no- I- er- is Tess home?

**Future Tess rolls her eyes. Max uses his alien powers to put the cell phone in Speaker Mode.**

VALENTI ON PHONE: Tess, pick up! Max wants to verbally assault you!

**Present Tess gets on the phone and William Sadler lies down to rest his vocal chords from the truly exhausting screen time he's had.**

TESS ON PHONE: Hey! What's up?

MAX: Hey! I wanted to tell you that if I was the last man on Earth and you were the last woman and we had to make love to save the species, I still wouldn't. In fact, I would kill you and use you as a source of food! And then I hope you would rot in HELL! You... um... retarded cunt with ugly hair!!!!

**Future Tess gives Max a big thumbs-up sign**

TESS ON PHONE: Whatever you say, Max.

MAX: (*confused*) Uh... I say you suck! (*he looks up at Future Tess all "wha-?" and she shrugs*)

TESS ON PHONE: Okay. Whatever you think is probably right. See you at school.

MAX: (*dumbfounded*) Yeah... see ya. (*hangs up*)


MAX: I think I'm in love.

FUTURE TESS: No! No, no, no! Max, 20 minutes before I came here, Liz managed to form an entire murder conspiracy theory on tapping fingers! TAPPING! FINGERS! And she was RIGHT! Now you HAVE to do something to stop this crap, Max!

MAX: I give up. What could I do that would make you turn away from me?

**They ponder this question straight into a commercial break.**

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