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Random Kisses, Random Action
Reply to Nehal or visit her websitePosted to the RoswellSlash mailing list June 14, 2001
Title: Random Kisses, Random Actions
Disclaimer: Nothing even remotely Roswellian is mine!
Summary: This is set at no particular point in time. It is a POV piece with both Max and Michael POVs and deals with the aftermath of a kiss. I wanted to get into the frame of mind of writing slash and I hope I have kept the two in character. However that is up for you to decide!:)
Slow, sweet, spicy-
It was everything I expected it to be and no I am not ashamed.
If anything I feel liberated.
I no longer need to hide behind a veil of confusion. I know who I am, what I want, what I need-
I need him.
When we touched I saw stars. His hands, rough in their masculinity yet gentle in the unique way that is just his, seared my skin. His lips-
God his lips-
I want to surround myself with him, his essence forever. I want his kisses; I need his arms holding me. Tightly, as though worlds would die if we parted.
He makes me feel alive.
When we are together I feel needed, when he touched me I felt as though the stars would fall from their stations in the night sky and rain down onto the desert, surrounding us with their sickly silver glow. I felt-
I felt complete.
It was a wonderful feeling.
Stars rush past my eyes as gold silver flashes of agony. They tear into my soul, exposing its essence to the universe while I spin alone letting it happen.
He kissed me.
He kissed me and I let him. I let him and I enjoyed it, I enjoyed it so much that I-
I touched him.
My hands are now defiled and I want to burn them. I want the skin to peel exposing pink flesh to a salty sky. I want to howl in agony as the elements bore into my flesh reclaiming what has been forever tainted.
I want to die but I can't. I can't because I love her too much.
If I truly loved her would I have touched him?
I don't know and this confusion makes me spin harder. I want this child's toy to spin so fast that I take off. I want to fly far into the sky before plummeting to the ground breaking into a thousand fragments that no unearthly King could ever put back together again.
I betrayed her. Or did I betray him by loving her in the first place?
Perhaps I am betraying myself by not knowing what I want. That has to be it; it must all be my fault. I am always to blame, why not now?
He kissed me.
He kissed me and I let him...
I spent my entire life chasing shadows.
I can see it all so clearly now. My entire existence right from the very beginning has been a shambles. Right from the moment of conception- but now that no longer matters. I am born again.
With his kisses I can start again. With his touch my life is redefined-
I am no longer the same King I was before. I don't have to be.
I can be whatever I choose-
I choose to be free.
At dawn the desert sun weeps slowly into the sky. Tender and slow as though into a lover's embrace. I stare mesmerised.
When did my life become so complicated?
There was time all I had to worry about were secrets and lies. Now the entire universe has shifted under my feet and I have no idea where to turn. There are no clues here; no subtle pieces of evidence that I can scrutinise in order to find an answer. There is no answer, or if there is I am much too stupid to figure it out.
I am lost.
I lost myself in his arms; in his lips and even though I know it is wrong I need to go back. As much as I love her, as much as I need her to define who I am and what I will become, as much as I want to bury myself into her heat-
Only he can help me find my way back.
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