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Posted to the RoswellSlash mailing list October 23, 2001

Author: Nehal
Rating: PG-13
Title: Always
Notes: This story is a same sex romance/angst piece. If you are not inclined to 'homoerotic' fiction then please refrain from reading. Thanks!
Summary: Max and Michael talk of the events in my previous story, Random Kisses, Random Murmurs. This is not so much a sequel or a companion piece but an event in the long line of possible events that could have happened after that story. Also, the song is My Lover's Gone by Dido on her No Angel CD. Please tell me what you think!
Disclaimer: I am not Riker therefore Roswell is not mine
Distribution: Kingdom Of Tula/ Roswell Slash Archive (if they are interested). All others please ask!

The tune upon his lips has passed
I sing alone
While I watch the ocean
My lover's gone,
No earthly ships will ever bring him home again


        Eyes met across the dance floor.

        A drum beat wildly.

        Guitars strummed onstage.

        Bodies, slick with sweat mingled. Boiling his senses into overdrive.

        He had to get out of here. He had to leave for his own sanity.

        "I have to go"

        "Already?" The girl next to him asked, disappointed. He nodded and kissed her quickly before picking up his jacket. Clubs were not his thing. They were Maria's and he had only gone because she insisted.

        "Take the bike, I'm walking home" Dropping a set of keys onto the counter in front of her, he turned before she offered to leave with him. He didn't want to be around her at that moment, not when he felt so- He glanced at the dance floor where deep melancholic eyes immediately found his. He lost himself for a moment, before snapping back into focus.

        With an imperceptible sigh, he walked slowly out of the club.


        He watched sadly as the object of his affections walked out. There was no way he could follow him, not yet. Not while Liz still insisted to dance.

        "I missed you" She sighed into his jacket as he held her too close. The smell of her hair, the texture of the sliver of skin exposed under his hands at her back- it used to send him insane with lust.


        Now it merely reminded him of what he could never have-


        He pursed his lips.

        "I know" He brushed a tender kiss against her brow. She sighed happily, and nestled herself deeper into his embrace.

        A drum beat wildly.

        Guitars strummed onstage.

        Bodies slick with sweat mingled. Suddenly, sending his body into overdrive.

        "I have to leave"

        "But we only just got here" She frowned up at him; he gently extracted himself from her embrace.

        "Sorry" He meant that. He was sorry for all the hurt he had caused her. All the hurt he was going to cause her- the pain that flashed in her eyes at that moment-

        "I'll just sit with Maria. Bye" She kissed him quickly against the lips before disappearing into a throng of overheated bodies.

        He sighed. And running a hand through his hair, made his way quickly to the exit.


        He swung himself high, stretching his long legs until they seemed to propel him to the stars. A cooling breeze caressed his face and he smirked at the sensation. This was the place where everything began- the playground- where he first met Max and Isabel. Where he first hid from Hanks beatings. Where he first kissed a man-

        He gulped before swinging harder.

        "Where's the bike?"

        Max's sudden need to start a conversation didn't surprise him. He had felt him as soon as he entered the playground. He turned his head slightly in Max's direction.

        "I gave it to Maria. Figured she would need it to get home. Where's Liz?"

        "With Maria"

        Max sat onto a swing next to his. He had stopped swinging, and was now simply rocking back and forth, his feet planted firmly onto concrete, his eyes looking everywhere except at him.

        "Look Max, I'm not gay" He rested his head against one of the chains and closed his eyes. It had been a mistake, their kisses, touches, and professions of love were all wrong. He loved Maria, and Max- well it was obvious Max was crazy about Liz. It wouldn't work. "That thing was a mistake"

        "It was?"


        There was an accepting pause, and suddenly everything felt normal again.


        He felt shock. He shouldn't have, Michael was right, that night was a mistake. Something to be brushed under the carpet and never spoken of again, but- he chanced to look at him and his heart broke. Michael never looked so closed off before, so frozen- instinctively, he reached out, needing to touch him-to reassure himself by touching skin.

        He touched the back of his hand. The action forced Michael to look him in the eye-

        As fiery brown met melancholy hazel, something almost primeval tingled at the back of his brain. Love, lust, possession, obsession- all three emotions intermingled into something he had never felt before-

        "Michael-" The name was a whisper, a painted prayer for everything he had ever wanted- everything he had ever desired in his short life-


        That same breathy whisper, the same deep longing reflected behind that same pain of indecision-

        All his prayers were answered.

        He leaned in closer, his hand tightening around Michael's palm, until they were a kiss apart.

        "I love you. I'll always love you, no matter what" It was a promise. A solemn vow he could easily keep. "I'll always be here for you Michael. Always"

        "I know"

        He felt Michael's breath against his lips, tickling; tempting- it would have been so easy to kiss him. All he needed to do was lean in that little bit more and capture Michael's full-lipped mouth for one last soul-stirring kiss-

        But he didn't. With a sigh, he forced himself away from Michael and trembling slightly, ran a hand through his hair.

        "I should go"

        "Yeah. Maybe you should" Michael looked away then and he knew the moment was gone.

        He sighed before making his way slowly to the low wall surrounding the playground.


The tune upon his lips has passed
I sing alone
While I watch the ocean
My lover's gone,
No earthly ships will ever bring him home again

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