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Second

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Posted to the RoswellSlash mailing list May 2, 2001

Title: "Second" (1/1)
Author: Mere (machajwai@yahoo.com)
Rating: PG-13. Slash, profanity, intentionally bad grammar, other scary things.
Summary: Max. Michael. Fight. UST. The End.
Distribution: Fic-o-Rama, Guilty Pleasures, RSA, my site.
Spoilers: Up through Viva Las Vegas
Authors' Notes: Kate and Mare are wonderful, wonderful people. You don't know *how* many drafts they helped me obsess over. Also, Mare demanded this title and Kate wrote the summary. Yay, them.



        We fought, again, after Vegas. Like we always do. I don't know why, except that you don't back off when you should. And you're always yelling, and you don't listen.

        It's you who's always pushing. Always telling me that I have to do something, and then you get upset about every decision I make. You make me so angry.

        I don't know why.

        * * *

        Michael opened the door to Max's bedroom without knocking, stepped inside and closed it behind him. "Hey, Max." It was way too hot for the middle of March. His palms were sweating.

        Max looked up in surprise, dropping his pen. Glanced at the window, then back at Michael. "What are you doing?"

        "I need to talk to you."

        Max looked at the floor where the pen was slowly rolling to a stop. "This isn't a good time."

        "Yeah, it never is." Michael wiped his hands on his pants. Didn't know what to do with them afterwards, stuck them in his pockets. "It's important."

        Max sighed. "Listen. I'm not going to skip school with you tomorrow, I'm not driving you out to look at the Granilith, I'm not going on another trip. Whatever your new plan is, I'm not interested."

        Michael kicked the backpack in front of his foot, defeated. "Yeah. Whatever. I was going to apologize. Forget it." He turned to leave.

        "Hey. Wait." Max stood up. Didn't speak for a moment. Then, "I didn't mean that. I should have...I do want to talk to you, OK? It's been a long time since we - I missed...it's just that I promised Liz I'd meet her at the Crashdown in twenty minutes..." He trailed off.

        Michael's voice was flat. "Right. That's important. Aren't you still grounded?"

        "Well, we're just studying."

        Michael snorted. "Sure."

        Max swallowed, picked up his backpack. "I'll come to your apartment after, OK?"

        "If you want." Turned around and walked, barely pausing in the hallway on the way out. Not sure if he was supposed to hear the words as the door swung shut behind him.

        "We can talk."

        * * *

        I can't help that I love you, OK? YOU can't help that I -

        hell, everyone loves you. You were just born that way, with everyone falling all over you. I guess that was on -

        Probably on purpose, they made you like that. Make you all -

        And can't even hate you for it because about two minutes after I open my mouth to call you on it you look at me or I look at you and then I can see just how bad it hurts, and I don't even feel mad half the time -

        just shocked it only takes that long to blow it all to hell between us and I didn't even know how to

        begin to -

        And you just stood there frowning, this last time, every time we fight, quiet and all flipped out and I wanted to say something to you or take something back. I really did, almost did -

        was going to but you couldn't even let me do that. You kind of shoved me or whatever and I don't care at all because I know why you do that i get it I really DO but you know, sometimes I can't think about all of that and you push it too fucking far. Sometimes you're all, "Michael, I'm sorry," and it's just like, fuck you I'm sick of this, sick of everybody loves you and sick of being shit, you know

        sick of the same thing over and over for 2 lifetimes not that I remember the first, oh no only special Isabel and Tess and special you not me but you know, whatever. OK? Because - just forget it.

        i didn't mean to -

        Well fuck you

        I wouldn't have said anything if I knew you'd get that expression. It's just not worth it, you know, fuck. Never was worth it never will be. I KNEW you'd get that expression. i didn't -

        shit I just meant I was trying to say that it's not my fault and I can't help how i feel about, you know, about you and how I love you and whatever and I know that it's this way -

        I mean i know you can't feel like this that or you DON'T or whatever and you know I get it. It's fine it really is really fine because that's the way it's gotta be and the way it is and I know it's not your fault i am like i am and you can't -

        shit, man, shut up. don't -

        don't be like that just don't really please fuck don't say that don't LOOK at me like that. shut up.

        i'm serious Maxwell i dont want to hear it. you're busting it all up worse when you do that i just wanted to say that im leaving now i'm sorry I ever showed. shut up.

        you're not allowed to do that FUCK! don't say that you don't mean it i get it, ok, i know how things are i know who you are and i know how i am and don't you fucking START with me. i'm serious, man shut up. what the hell is that? that expression, that look on your face just QUIT it i said all im going to so i'm leaving.

        yeah, you know you can come by whenever.

        Don't bring Liz.

        END.

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