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Nothing Personal

Reply to Kristin

Posted to the Roswell Slash list December 2, 2000

Title: Nothing Personal
Author: Kristin (
Disclaimer: "Roswell", its characters, and its concept belong to its creator, the WB, and a bunch of other people. No copyright infringement intended. Not for profit.
Distribution: RareSlash archive, Roswell Slash Archive. All others email me for permission.
Fandom: Roswell
Pairing: Zan/Rath, NC-17
Spoilers: The "Dupes" episodes
Summary: Rath thinks back on Zan.
Warning: Naughty language. This is Rath here, not Michael... *g*

I miss him sometimes.

Don't ask me the fuck why. Motherfucker never did shit for us. Big leader. Oh yeah Zan, you're the big dog. Huh? How come you're dead then? How the *fuck* are you dead and not me? Guess you're not such a hot-shot king after all...

But shit. Sometimes, like right now, I miss that bastard like hell. His eyes were so fucking *pretty*, shiny like quarters. And he'd look at you like he was flaying your skin off layer by layer-with a *look*-but then kiss you so damn sweetly. His kisses always tasted of honey, chocolate, and pepper. Just the way I liked it.

We fucked once. It was just a few days before he met his "accident" with a big ass truck, but we were cool. Lonnie was real quiet then, still thinking. You don't want Lonnie quiet. Bad shit happens when she's got nothing to say... But I guess he was too busy thinking to notice. Always watching me, like some cracked out addict.

It was like 3am and I was sleeping deep, so I didn't know it was him at first; just felt a mouth working on my neck. Scared the hell out of me, opening my eyes to see him with the strangest expression on his face. He looked all tender and shit. Soft. And then he kissed me. It wasn't like usual though, a quick explore and retreat. It was like Zan was trying to *eat* me, make me his. Don't get me wrong-it was good. It was fucking great! But I didn't know what the fuck to do with this Zan. So I just laid there and took it... Ain't that the story of my life?

He just spread out all over me in the dark, burning into me with those lips of his. Practically gave my chest a fucking *bath* 'til I was all shivering and needing his mouth somewhere else. But I knew he wouldn't do it. Zan was the fucking KING. Kings don't go around giving their second-in-commands blowjobs. At least... that's what I thought...

Then it was like heaven. His mouth fits so perfect around my dick-you have no idea. It's like... hot and wet and so good I was gonna scream. But that would wake Lonnie, and I didn't want to get her thinking about what was up with him. Cuz I didn't *want* him to die damnit! I didn't. Everything just got so screwed up...

But I was staying nice and quiet as the most beautiful, powerful person I'd ever seen-my secret fucking *idol*-was working me just right. His tongue was pure poetry, and I think I'll remember him just like that. That's the memory I want of him for the rest of my life. Pretty lips tight around my cock, that strange ass look in his eyes, and eery hollow silence. Epic.

He was so strangely *passive*, that's the freaky thing. Never in a million years would I have had the fucking guts to reach down and plant my fists tight in his hair, ram my cock down his throat... but something about that moment... I COULD. And maybe that's where everything went wrong. Maybe that's why he ended up chasing a ball straight into oncoming traffic. I wasn't scared anymore. He became real to me.

I nearly bit my lip off when I came; pretty hard not to moan when you're seeing not stars but a whole fucking solar system erupting before your eyes. And he just sat up and wiped his mouth. Staring at me with the sweetest smile. I was lying there almost numb, but it felt kinda nice when he brushed the hair off my forehead. Different, but nice. Lonnie doesn't do shit like that for me. I don't even know if I want her too... But Zan just looked at me for a bit and then laid back down, curled into my side like a fucking cat. I was *worn out*, so I never asked him with the hell was going on.

And he never said shit about it the next day.

So that's it. That's how the story goes. He's dead, man. And this ain't *never* gonna be some shitty fairytale. Cuz maybe you can suck me off like nobody's business, but I wanna go *home* Zan. I couldn't let nothing stand in my way. Had to find us a king that would take care of business. Had to at least *try* to get away from this fucking filth, this pathetic excuse for a world. Zan was in our way and we never take prisoners... no matter how good it feels to wake up to them in the morning.

But sometimes late at night I look into Lonnie's empty eyes and dream of warmth. And I miss him... just a little.



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