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I Want You
Reply to Jenn Elise or visit her websiteRevised version added to the Roswell Slash Archive April 2, 2001
I looked at her sitting there. There was something different about her attitude, something more subdued. She was sad, she had lost everyone who cared for her. Grant was dead, and Alex was off proving he didn't need her. And he didn't, I needed her. And I was sad for her.. I felt the tears pushing through my eyes. Quickly I turned away not wanting anyone to see the effect she had on me, the power even the smallest breath she took had over me. Every movement from her sent me over the edge.
Isabel had always been the prettiest girl I've known. Even when we were little you could tell that she would be a heartbreaker. And she was, she really truly was. Looking at her took my breath away. But she was the most popular girl in school, or at least she was until her stupid brother told me about their secret.
I had caused her pain. It was all my fault. I couldn't tell her how I felt, I couldn't find the right words. And every time I saw pain in her eyes it was like it was mine. It resonated through me, echoing off the walls of my soul, absorbed by my bleeding heart. I couldn't stand seeing her in pain. She was too wonderful to be alone. She was too beautiful a person to have to sit in bed each night and cry...like I did.
I don't understand how she could be so perfect. Everyone I knew wanted to be like Isabel, everyone wished that they were her. But if they knew what I knew, if they knew who she was, they would think differently. But never would I. I want to be her, be with her. Every time I see her eyes cloud over and her smile start to look plastic I want to go give her reason to be happy. I want to kiss away her tears and hold onto her forever. She belonged to me, or rather I belonged to her. I was captivated by that plastic smile, her cruelty fascinated me.
Isabel didn't laugh anymore. I did that to her too. She was like the sun that had set, there was no more light dancing in her eyes, no more smiles. But I could make her smile, I knew I could, if she gave me the chance. She had failed miserably with men. And I knew that feeling. Max was my soulmate, he was supposed to be everything I wanted. But he was everything I grew to hate. I wasn't his anymore, I never was. I was Isabel's, only hers.
I walked over to her, a smile on my face, a smile I had just for her. And she smiled back. I felt my pulse flutter and heat burn at my core. If only she knew, if only I could make it all better for her. I would serve her as more than a waitress. She could be my master and I, her slave. I took her order back to the kitchen, wishing that I could give her more than a hamburger and fries. She deserved more than greasy fast food. I could give her the food she needed, the food she craved.
I came back with the food, humming softly to myself. I could see her listening, watching my lips as I whispered the words.
I want to suck on your lips
I want to melt in your arms
I want to call you up sometime
I want you so badly tonight
I heard her breath catch and when I looked at her face there was something different there, something haunting. It was the look I had everyday for her. She was returning it like my mirror image. I heard her whisper something, something so soft it was only for the gods and the winds to hear. But I could read it off of her full lips. "I want you," she had said. 'I want you too,' I thought. "I want you," I said aloud. And she smiled at me. A smile I hadn't seen from her in months. I had made her happy and that was the best feeling in the world.
Someday she would know how much that smile meant to me. Someday I would tell her. But I just placed her order in front of her and slipped back toward the kitchen. I felt her eyes follow me across the dining room, caressing me, sending shivers through my skin.
And then the door swung open behind me. I spun around and she was standing there. There were tears shining in her beautiful eyes and I went to her and hugged her, close. She leaned into me and weeped. And I weeped with her, for her. I gave her strength, returned to her the strength she had given to me.
Looking at her life before I had come into her life, I could see why her nickname was the "Ice Princess." I couldn't have done it. Little me could not have endured the weight of a secret such as hers. But now I did. It was hers and mine. The rest of them knew, but they didn't know the feeling of the weight. I was the one who caused this, I was the reason others knew.
Now she was a hollow shell of who she once was and I longed to fill her, longed to return her to the happy person she once pretended to be. I longed to stop her tears.
I brushed her cheeks with the back of my hand and rubbed her back in circles with my other. "Thank you," she whispered softly in my ear. "Thank you." And I knew she was thanking me for more than comforting her. I knew she was thanking me for being with her, for keeping her secret, for understanding her. and maybe one day she would understand me. Maybe she already did. And that's what I was going to find out.
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