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I Could Have Been

Reply to Jenn Elise or visit her website

Added to the Roswell Slash Archive June 12, 2001

Rating: PG-13
Summary: Liz has left Isabel alone again...
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell or any of its characters and I am not affiliated with the show or Melinda Metz in any way
Distribution: Please do not post this fic anywhere without emailing the author first

        You're simple that's why I liked you. And you admired me, who wouldn't like that? But I admired you too. I admired how you could give your heart so freely, and hide how much it hurt to have it thrown back. I admired how smart you were, and how you convinced yourself that's all you really needed. I admired how you broke but never bought, bit but never really tasted. I admired how detached you were. It helped me be who I am, how I am.

        Every time I was going to give up I saw you, how you lived and it was all easier. Most people would think it's because I felt superior, but I know it was you who held me superior, told me I was. And I held you on a pedestal. You called me beautiful, you touched my hair. You were the one who kissed my lips, the one who led me to betray.

        I followed your every whim. I let you manipulate me. I let you, don't you remember? Or was it all a lie, a laugh. I was never superior, I let you take the top, but you always owned the top, you didn't need me to give it to you. You didn't need me to give you anything.

        But I needed you. when my lips found yours I told myself it was comfort food for all the loss you had put me through. I told myself it was payback. But the snake in the garden struck again. You took my secret, you took my lover, you took my love, you took my soul.

        You chose him. and that's what killed me. I've had him, you don't want that. Yes, my dear, I've had him too. No one can resist temptation. And I'm the queen temptress. He's not my brother, not my lover, he's just another lost soul. So was it really you who had me or do I still possess some kind of charm?

        I doubt it. You always saw through it all. You saw through my masks, you saw the ugliness of my insides, how black I am through and through.

        But I was willing to let the world see it all for a lifetime of you in return. And you had to ruin it. You had to take him back when all you'll ever need is right here with me.

        And someday you'll see that. Someday you'll realize I could have been good for you. I could have been your lover, could have been your friend. I could have been your passion, your drive. I could have been your life. Just like you were mine. And now it's too late.

        Good bye, love. Goodbye, bitch. Good riddance. I could have been yours. Fuck, I was, I am. Have me.

        Isabel Evans

        The End

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