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She and I
Reply to JennPosted to the RoswellSlash mailing list November 25, 2000
Title: She and I
Rating: pg13 Author: Jenn
Disclaimer: If I owned 'em..I wouldn't be broke! =)
Notes: "***" represents flashbacks...for background. And some of the text in the earlier flashbacks, came from "Surprise".
Things have changed so much since high school. Granted, it's only been six months, but they've changed. We finally got past the threat of the skins. Not all of them were bad, we found out, but...even the good ones are gone now, too. That all happened before graduation, and sure, we still have threats that arise every now and then...but it's never anything major. We just try to keep positive and we call each other when anything *does* happen.
See, that's where the actual changes come in. Liz took off to Harvard. We all knew she would. Alex, I don't know if he's over me or not, but he left, too, deciding to head off to MIT. He's doing well there, I heard. Max and Michael are splitting the rent in an off-campus apartment. All of us except Liz and Alex are going to UNM. Maria, Tess and I are sharing a two bedroom house, a few miles away from the university. Yes, two bedroom...and right about now, you're probably wondering what I'm talking about. It's kind of confusing. I guess it really started with Whitaker.
***Isabel pulled Tess into an empty room in the warehouse, bolting the door shut.
"Tess. Tess, stay with me. Stay with me, Tess. Damn it. Don't die on me now. " Isabel pleaded with the nearly unconscious girl.***
Whitaker had really done a number on her, that's for sure. All I could think about was getting her out of there, but it was hard with Whitaker standing there, feeding me all of those stories. It wasn't the time for them.
***"I told you before, I don't know what you're talking about." Isabel yelled at the congresswoman for what seemed like the hundredth time.
"Well, maybe this will help jog your memory." Whitaker said, raising her hand, sending out yet another pulse of energy, tossing Tess onto a small set of concrete steps.
"Stop it! Stop hurting her!" Isabel yelled, helping Tess to her feet.***
I completely forgot about the grudge I'd been holding, the night she kidnapped Tess. Something inside of me went off. Snapped, almost. All I can really remember now, is being scared. Being scared and realizing that I just wasn't ready to lose her yet. After it was all over, and we were all safe at home, - Tess stayed with me that night - I spent the rest of the night and next day, taking care of her and making sure that she was going to be okay.
***"I can make this go away, you know..."
"I know," Tess said, "but even if you do, it'll still hurt, you just won't be able to see what's making it hurt."
"How's your head?" Isabel asked, gently dabbing at Tess's bleeding and swollen lip with a warm wash cloth.
"Kinda feels like someone tried to beat me to death." Tess smiled weakly before adding, "Never mind. That's what happened."
"How can you make jokes? If this was me in your position, I'd probably be curled up, crying myself to sleep."
"You came for me. You saved my life." Tess paused. "I don't have anything to cry about."
Isabel didn't know what to say. Instead she just leaned forward, lightly kissing Tess on the forehead. "Just get better, okay?"***
I could say that I was weirded out and repulsed and in denial over the attraction, but it wouldn't be true. I...yes, I, Isabel Evans, supposed goddess of West Roswell...have been attracted to other girls before.
Tess wasn't the first, in the sense that I found her attractive, but she *was* the first who I actually felt something for. On top of all that, she knew beforehand, about my same-sex tendencies. She was the only one that I'd ever told and she was completely cool about it. It never seemed to bother her, and at times she was rather curious and intrigued by the whole thing. I didn't mind, really, because the more curious she got, the braver she got.
***"Cold?" Isabel asked from her end of the couch, where she was curled up in a blanket.
"So cold that I can't even pay attention to this movie." Tess answered.
"Here," Isabel lifted up the cover, inviting Tess to scoot over.
"Thanks." Tess said, curling up close to Isabel and resting her head on her shoulder.
The night of graduation, my parents threw us all a big party. At the end of the night Liz, Maria, Michael, Max and Alex and a few other people were camped out throughout the house. It was getting late and I just couldn't think straight anymore, so I went to look for Tess. I had a lot on my mind and I knew that, whenever need be, I could talk to her..no questions asked. She wasn't anywhere inside, but eventually I found her sitting out in the backyard, on her blanket that she'd had in the house.
***"Can I join you?" Isabel asked, approaching the other girl. "Or is this a private party?"
"Even if it was, you'd be invited," Tess looked up, smiling. "Everybody gone?"
"The ones who weren't staying over." Isabel answered, sitting down. "How long have you been out here?"
"Long enough." she answered. "What's the matter?"
"Because I can feel it." Tess said, looking up at the sky.
"There's nothing the matter." Isabel insisted.
"Have you not noticed how much you project your feelings?" Tess asked. "The more you push them down, the more they show through. I'm surprised Max and Michael haven't noticed it before."***
At the time, I had no idea what Tess had been talking about. She explained it to me, eventually, but...not before we did some more talking.
***"I just have a lot on my mind." Isabel finally admitted.
"Like...stuff I'm trying not to think about." Isabel answered. "All I want to focus on, is getting to the Caymans."
"I know! I can't wait, and we only have one more day to get through."***
Our senior trip. It was Kyle, Max, Alex and Michael...and me, Liz, Tess and Maria. Our parents got us all reservations for five nights, in two rooms, in one of the best hotels on the Grand Cayman Island. It was a rich, little ritzy Island. Definitely my kind of place. Needless to say, it was fun and alot happened in those five days.
***"Oh hey, you're back." Isabel said to Tess as she came out of the bathroom, toweling her hair off. "Where's everybody else?"
"The guys are getting ready in there room and Liz and Maria are still down at the beach. I thought you went shopping."
"I did," Isabel answered. "But I didn't really see anything that caught my eye."
"What's the matter, Isabel?" Tess asked, sitting down next to the other girl, on their bed. "You haven't been with us since we got here..so what's going on?"
"I have so."
"Right. You act like being here is no big deal." Tess said. "I know..when we go out tonight, we're going to find you a guy."
"Ugh.." Isabel groaned. "That's really not what I need right now."
"I don't know *what* I need right now." Isabel sighed.
"What's it like?" Tess asked her after a few minutes of silence.
"What's, what, like?"
"You know...kissing another...girl."
"I wouldn't know...I've been holding myself back."
"I don't know. I'm just not in a real big hurry for everyone to find out, yet. Why? You want to try it out or something?" Isabel joked.
"Okay, so it was a bad idea." Tess stood up. "I'm gonna get in the shower."
"Whoa, wait," Isabel grabbed Tess's arm, turning her around. "Bad idea? You really wanted to...uh.."
"To kiss you?" Tess finished for her. "I don't even know why I thought about it. It was really crazy."
"How crazy?" Isabel whispered, stepping closer, so that their bodies were only inches apart.
"Really crazy..." she finally answered in a shaky breath.***
We kissed, then. It wasn't much at first, but then our hands started roaming and so did our mouths. I don't think either of us knew what we were doing then, except that what we were doing...felt right.
***"Whoa," was all Maria could bring herself to say, as she stepped into the hotel room, only to find Isabel and Tess making out.
They froze at the sound of the other girls voice. All Maria could see was Isabel's back, and she wasn't turning around.
"This is just...yeah," Maria didn't know what to say. "Okay, this is strange. New..and strange. Can someone explain this to me?"
Isabel slowly turned, biting her lip nervously. She held her arm out as if to keep Tess behind her.
"There's a really good explanation for this..." Isabel paused. "Now, if I could only figure out what it is."
"Right," Maria nodded, shutting the door and turning all of the locks. "Now, before Liz gets back, -because I *know* that no one was supposed to know about this- can either of you tell me, you know...anything?"***
The fact of the matter was, it had really only been going on for about fifteen minutes. It was the longest I'd ever let anyone kiss me. I wasn't complaining, but I wanted to the minute Maria interrupted. Yes, admittedly, it was kind of embarrassing at first, but mostly I just wanted to get back to focusing on Tess, not Maria and her demanding questions.
***"Is it socially acceptable for them to be dancing together like that?" Max asked Michael, pointing to Isabel and Tess who were in their own world.
"I don't know, Max...but I'm *not* complainin' man." Michael patted Max on the back. "They're just havin' fun, anyway."
"A lot of women dance together now days." Alex informed them.
"Yeah, man," Kyle spoke up. "If they want to have fun..then that's what they're probably doing."
"That's what you think." Maria added.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Max asked curiously.
"Nothing at all." Maria smiled, then repeated the comment to herself. "Nothing....at all."
"You two don't dance like that," Max said to Liz and Maria.
"That's because I'd rather *not* attract that kind of attention to myself." Liz said, eyeing Tess and Isabel closely. "Do they always do that?"
"They do *now*." Maria smiled.
"What do you know?" Max asked seriously.
"What do you mean, what do I know?" Maria was playing dumb.***
Maria filled me in on the whole conversation, just after it had taken place. She'd just made it look like she was dancing with us, all the while, filling me in. Max was getting nosey and all because we were just dancing together. Okay, so there was alot of touching going on...but we weren't the only people on the dance floor acting like that. I didn't know that everyone's eyes, however, *were* on us.
We were having fun..we didn't care. There was almost nineteen years of pent up sexual frustration being released on that dance floor and I wasn't about to choose *then* to start caring about what Max or anyone else thought about it.
We left the club early, Tess and I, saying that we were worn out, from all the dancing. Everyone else decided they were hungry, even though it was one in the morning, so we went our separate ways. The minute we made it back to our room, Tess was all over me. I was surprised at first, but after that slight hesitation we fell into sync and onto the bed. Time seemed to slow down and not because we were taking our time or because we 'doing things right'. We were having fun. We were being experimental. Testing each others limits...finding out what the other liked and didn't like, in between talking, laughing and kissing.
***"Not again." Maria sighed, hearing giggling sounds, coming from their room. Just before she pushed the door open, she made sure to hit the door a couple times. "We're coming *in*."
"What's going on?" Liz asked, ignorant to the situation.
"Nothing." Maria covered. "Just...letting them know we're here..in case they're like, changing..or something."
"Um.....okay." Liz followed Maria into the room.***
The rest of the week wasn't as bad as I'd been expecting. I made the best of it by spending as much time alone, with Tess, as I could.
After we got back from our vacation. Things were alot better. I wasn't so confused anymore about what it was I wanted, because it was her. I wanted Tess. Maria was the only one in our group that new anything about us. We kept it from everyone else with no problem at all. Not because we were dead set on keeping it secret, but more-so because none of the others wanted to admit what they knew was going on. No one ever really talked about. They still don't. No one asked questions, and we didn't bring it up. We just gradually got more comfortable with being open around the others. They eventually got used to us being together.
Mom and dad were far from happy. I think I really disappointed my mom, but she's come a long way over the past few months. Dad, he still has trouble dealing with the whole situation, so we play it cool whenever they're around.
Liz was the most uncomfortable around us, so she gradually stopped going out with 'the girls'. Maria was the best...the most willing to go places and hang out with us. I think our friendships were actually stronger after all of that. Which leads me to where we're at now. The three of us were all at Maria's house one day and by the end of the night we had decided that we were going to find us a decent, livable, place and move in together. It only made sense, since we were all going to be attending the same school...so living closer to the campus would make it that much easier.
"Isabel," Tess's voice broke Isabel's moment of silent reflection. "I looked all over the house for you."
"Here I am," Isabel smiled at Tess, even though it was dark in their room, and she couldn't see it.
"I was just...getting ready to go to bed." Tess closed the distance between them, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend, settling comfortably into Isabel's arms. "Coming?"
"Only for you..." Isabel said sweetly.
"I try.." Isabel leaned down catching Tess's lips with her own.
"Not again...Don't you guys ever quit?" Maria laughed as she walked past their bedroom, headed towards her own. "Keep it down tonight, please, you two. I have a test tomorrow!"
"Night Maria.." Tess and Isabel yelled after their friend.
"Now...where were we?" Tess pulled Isabel's neck down to taunt her with her mouth.
"Taking the show to our bed?" Isabel guessed.
"Oh yeah..." Tess mumbled before moving her mouth back to Isabel's.
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