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Camelot Part Two

Reply to Janine

Posted to the Roswell Slash list August 16,2000

TITLE: "Camelot", part two
AUTHOR: Janine
SUMMARY: There's more to Isabel's relationship with the 'new girl' than meets the eye.
DISCLAIMER: The characters and universe herein are the property of Melinda Metz, Jason Katims, and all the other wonderful people and companies associated with the production of "Roswell". This is a piece of fan-written fiction and no infringement upon any legal bindings they may hold is intended.

If you live in Roswell, you're familiar with the desert. Some people merely learn how to tolerate it, while others learn to hate it, and then others still, like me, come to love it. It becomes a second home. When people who have never been there think of the desert they think of it as being a barren wasteland that's devoid of life and ungodly. But they don't know, there's life in the desert, there's magic there.

It's where people lose and find themselves.

I had started to spend a lot of time out there after that last night Tess had spent over at my house. I had a special place that I had found when I was younger that I liked to go to when I needed to think, or wanted to be alone. I had told Max and Michael where it was, as a precaution, but I had never taken them there and they had never gone on their own. We all had our places like that, and we respected each other not to trespass no matter how intrigued by them we were.

I had begun to have these conflicting dreams-or maybe they were nightmares-in the days following the night Tess had spent at our house. It wasn't merely the two dreams that I was having that left me so utterly without a clue, but the fact that they were so radically different in nature. To be sure they were unsettling, however I felt that I could have dealt with them if they came one at a time, but that was not the case and as a result I felt my head being yanked in opposite directions. I was drawing and quartering myself.

One night I would see Michael and myself. We would be in a park, or maybe a backyard, and we would be holding hands. In front of us was a swing set with a child sitting on it and we'd be pushing her and turn at each other and smile. It was the picture of domestic bliss, and it shocked me because it felt familiar. It was almost as if I was getting a glimpse into the way things could be. I would wake up from these dreams unsettled. They felt forced, but also comforting and it always left me with an uneasy feeling in my stomach. Like I was being forced to want something that I didn't want or need.

And then, then one night I would dream of Tess. A meadow, a bed, a beach, a carpet, anywhere and everywhere I saw us together. There would be no sappy love songs and soft lens shots of these images like in the ones with Michael. These were all about pulsing music, throbbing beats and thundering hearts. These were all about passion. I would see her smile at me, that slightly mischievous smile with a little bit of the girl next door in it that I absolutely loved because it was so very naughty. And then I would feel her lips on mine, gently at first then more firmly. I would open my mouth to her and she would enter me and we would push ourselves together and my hands would start to roam her body. I could feel her all around me, all over me and I would deepen the kiss before wrenching my lips away from hers and moving down to the soft skin of her neck. She tasted so good that I would lose myself in her over and over again. It was all that I wanted to be with her and she always opened herself to me taking me in, holding me close.

When I would awake from these dreams I always turned around expecting her to be there. I could always feel her until the moment I opened my eyes and saw for a fact that she wasn't there. These dreams unsettled me to, but in a different way. These ones made me feel unsettled because they came to me so easily, so naturally. When I was holding her, and touching her, it felt right, and when I woke up it felt like something was missing. I didn't want to want her, but I did.

The beginning and end of Phys. Ed. became a nightmare for me after the dreams started. She would insist on changing right beside me, so close to me in fact that our skin almost touched. A few times I was certain that I could feel the heat radiating from her body. Every day, this would happen. The change room could be completely empty and still she stand beside me and peel of her clothes piece by piece. And I would watch as expanse after expanse of alabaster skin was revealed, while I pretended that I wasn't watching.

That's what I was doing one day when I was startled out of my activities by a hand on my shoulder. Her hand I noticed not so absently.

"Isabel," she said softly. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah?" My response came out sounding more like a question however.

"Sure sounds like it," she said watching me carefully.

"I was just thinking." Our eyes never left each other as I spoke to her. "What are you doing later?"

"Whatever you're about to suggest," she answered winking at me before pulling her shirt over her head.

"You shouldn't agree to things so easily," I told her as I sat down and began to tie my shoes, "I could've been offering to introduce you to the high stakes world of Columbian drug dealing."

"Is that what you were going to suggest?" she asked quirking an eyebrow.


"Then so what?" she replied saucily.

"Now I'm not so sure I want to take you," I said in a most solemn tone.

"Take me where?" Now she was interested.

"It's a surprise."

She straightened her back so that she was standing in front of me again. "I love surprises."

"Then you'll love this."

And with that we both headed out into the gym.

The sun was just beginning to set as I led Tess to my secret lair. The view was particularly spectacular at that time of the day with the pale orange glow of the fading sun casting its glare over the desert sand. I don't know what had possessed me to invite her there, only that at the time it seemed right, and that over the course of the rest of the day I wasn't able to think of a reason that I shouldn't follow through with it.

"Are you sure you know the way back?" Tess inquired as we made our way up the rocks.

"Oh, I'm sure I can find my way back," I told her smiling. "Come on, we're almost there," I continued grabbing her hand and leading her forward.

A large ledge extended from the rock face. It was shaped almost like a hand and walking out into it I always felt so small, but also secure. It was like as long as I was standing there nobody could ever hurt me. At the very edge of it, near the 'fingers' was a small pool of water with a straggly tree at its edge. The tree was wilted and brown and always looked like it was on the edge of death, but it always survived, it had been there as long as I had been going there and I was sure that it would remain after I left.

"God, it's beautiful up here," Tess exclaimed moving towards the 'fingers' and peaking through.

"So you like it?" I asked coming up behind her, stopping just short of touching her.

"I love it." I could hear the smile spreading across her face. We stood there for a moment in silence just looking out at the landscape until I noticed a small shudder run through her body. I suddenly realized that the temperature had dropped considerably since we had left the Crashdown and I noted that while I was in long sleeves Tess was only wearing a tank top. I frowned at myself; I should have thought to tell her to bring something warmer.

"Are you cold?" I asked as another shiver ran through body.

There was a momentary pause, and then she nodded her head and said, "A little bit, yeah."

"I'm such a putz, I should have told you to bring something warmer. I tend not to feel the cold and forget about it," I said as I started think about something I could do to warm her up. It would have been relatively easy if I could've used my powers, but I couldn't so I was left having to think like a human. Finally, I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around her drawing her into me. I'd always heard that body heat was the most effective way to warm someone up.

As my arms wrapped around her I heard her intake of breath and felt her stiffen in my arms.

"Sorry," I said starting to pull back. "I was just trying tooä"

"No, it's alright," she said cutting me off. "I was just surprised."

I nodded and moved back towards her wrapping my arms around her once again. I was telling her the truth when I told her I just wanted to warm her up; the truth also was that I enjoyed the feeling of her in my arms. I decided to keep that little tidbit to myself however.

"This is going to sound strange," Tess started to say.

"It couldn't be stranger than anything I've heard. Especially lately," I responded absently.

"That's good then. I guess." Her eyes never left the horizon as she spoke. "Do you think that dreams are the subconscious trying to tell the conscious something? Like, you know, maybe we don't want to admit something to ourselves even though it's true so the only place we can admit it is when we're asleep?"

The sun had gone down completely by then leaving us in the dark.

"I think," I started slowly, "that sometimes a dream is just a dream. But," and here my mind started to wander to the dreams I had been having lately, "I also think that sometimes they can be more. That sometimes maybe we need a little push to realize something and dreams can do that."

I felt her nod, but she didn't respond to me verbally.

"What's the matter? Not sleeping welläOr sleeping too well?" I teasingly asked a moment later.

"Can I take the 5th?" she asked turning to face me slightly as a chuckle ran through her body. "Maybe a bit of both," she continued despite her former comment.

"What are you dreaming about?" As I asked the question I became increasingly aware of the knot in my stomach and the dampness of my palms. I had discovered that any physical contact with her turned me into a nervous wreck, and we were pretty physical at the moment.

She was quiet for a second, then in a voice so soft I almost didn't hear her, she said, "You."

I think that my heart actually stopped beating when that word came out of her mouth. In fact I think that my entire body ceased to function entirely after she uttered that syllable.

"What kind of dreams?" I asked her removing my arms from around her waist and placing my hands on her shoulders so that I could turn her around to face me. "What kind of dreams?" I repeated when she didn't respond.

She had dropped her head down and was looking at the ground in between un when she answered me. "Romantic," was all she said. It was all she needed to say.

"Romantic?" I repeated my voice barely a whisper. I was really just repeating it to myself in a befuddled wonder, but she answered the question regardless of how I had intended it to come out.

"I can feel you. I see your hands on my body, and mine on yours. And your lips. I can feel your warmth surrounding me, and I want you," she went on her position not changing an inch.

I was numb. My hands dropped from her shoulders. I was shocked, excited, completely thrilled and terrified. She felt the same way I did. The comments, the looks, the touches, they meant the same things to her that they meant to me. She wanted me. It was all becoming so real. When I was alone, at night, thinking about her it could be put back in its place when the sun rose and nobody was the wiser. It was my little secret, and it didn't have to change anything. But it wasn't just my secret, it was her secret too, and now it was out in the open and I had to decide if I was ready to let it mean what I wanted it to mean.

"You hate me," she said taking a step back from my stupefied form.

I looked up at her wide-eyed. For the first time in life I wasn't in control of my own emotions.

"No," I said softly reaching out for her. "I justä" I stopped talking there and dropped my gaze from hers. I couldn't think of what I wanted to say. My mind wasn't working fast enough.

"I shouldn't have said anything. I should go," she said starting to retreat again.

"You don't know how to get back," I said walking towards her.

"I think maybe I'd prefer to get lost out there," she replied with a twisted smile as she continued to back up.

"Don't go," I pleaded with her. "I'm glad you told me," I said catching up to her and placing my hands on her shoulders once again. "I feeläthere's all of these things in my head, it's so confusing," I told her as my brows scrunched together. She looked at me with an odd expression, almost guiltily but said nothing. "And, I feel thingsäfor youä"

"You don't have toä"

"I know," I said cutting her off. "And I'm not. Iäoh fuck it," I finally muttered under my breath before I quickly leaned forward and brushed her lips against mine. It was the most incredible sensation. I felt as though a lightening bolt had zapped me. Her lips were so incredibly soft and sweet. It broke my heart. I never wanted to leave them.

I dropped my hands down to her waist and moved forward so that our bodies were pressed against each other. I groaned at the contact and my lips parted allowing her to enter me. I felt her hand on my neck drawing my head down pushing us together and I surrendered to her will. I was unnaturally aware of everything that was Tess, her smell, her taste, her warmth, and the feel of her skin. I felt as if I was melting into her.

"Isabel?" she breathed out softly after we parted.

"Hmmm," I responded staring at her dreamily. I was beyond coherent thought.

"I want to do that again."

I smiled and leaned back in. There was nothing I would rather do.

The next day at school I was on a complete high, I wasn't even sure that I was walking cause my feet didn't feel like they were touching the ground. Tess and I had spent hours out in the desert that night, and we hadn't even just spent the whole time making out! It had been magical, and I started to feel bad for making fun of Max and his lovey dovey declarations about love because I now felt like making a few of them myself. She was all that I could think about, and I couldn't seem to find anything wrong with that proposition.

Things couldn't have been better, at least until Max and Michael cornered-or should I say 'countered'-me at the Crashdown and all of the drama began all over again.

Max and Michael didn't trust Tess. Max and Liz were having problems. Valenti was onto us after Michael ran off and lost the orb before Topolsky disappeared. We had to check Tess out, which meant that I was picked to go over to her house and spy on her and her father so that I could get the goods then spill the beans to everyone. Then a bug was found in Michael's apartment, and then the conspiracy theories started yet again. And then after that I was forced to tell them about how the otherwise dorkily normal Mr. Harding freaked out about some box I had almost picked up, but that was interrupted by Max and Liz having some more problems. Yeah! After that everyone but me decided that it was a good idea to spy on Tess, so Liz was drafted to go on over to the Harding residence and plant a camera there so our spy games could begin. Liz then investigated the box I had been forbidden to go near earlier and revealed it to contain photos of Max, Max and you guessed it Max before she was startled by Mr. Harding and broke a vase and disturbed the camera. Next Michael was ready to charge in there, and I was confused, but then we got a cryptic message from Liz that made all discussion futile and we headed on over Tess'.

In the end we saved Liz, and I found out that Tess and Max had kissed leaving me depressed and heartbroken as we all returned to the warehouse just in time to see Tess use her powers to restore the vase Liz had broken earlier in the evening.

Sufficed to say, it was the day from hell, and once the crisis was over things only got worse.

I was a non-verbal, uncommunicative, wreck for the rest of the night. I essentially spent the entire night watching the monitor, pacing the warehouse and trying to avoid Alex who wanted to 'comfort' and reassure me. I felt like I was dying inside. My palms were sweating, my heart was racing, and my head was throbbing like someone was using it as a conga drum. It felt like my organs were slowly being ripped out one by one. I hadn't known that it was possible to be in that much pain and still survive. I had trusted her. My god, I had confided in her like no other person in my life and she had turned around and ripped me a new asshole. God it hurt so much, and there was nobody that I could go to, nobody that I could trust. I had to admit though; she had managed to fuck all of us with the professionalism of a French whore.

End of Part Two

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