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Eternal III: Fairy Tale Endings

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Posted to the RareSlash mailing list September 17, 2002

Title: Eternal III: Fairy Tale Endings
Author/pseudonym: Caroline Crane
Fandom: The Forsaken
Pairing: Sean/Nick
Rating: NC17
Status: new
Archive: yes to list archives
E-mail address for feedback:
Series/Sequel: part 3 of 3.
Other websites:
Notes: Some of you were maybe expecting more angst from this installment. I was too, truthfully, but it didn't work out that way. So if that disappoints anyone I apologize.
Summary: Sean's a determined guy.
Warnings: Spoilers for pretty much the whole movie

        It's funny, back when Nick and I were still on the trail of his Forsaken I was counting the minutes until I never had to see the inside of that fucking Charger again. After he was gone I would have given anything just to look over at the passenger seat and see him sitting there, sleeping against the window or trying not to cough so I wouldn't worry that he was getting too sick to go on. I used to worry about that a lot, about how much more of the open road he could take before his body just quit on him. Joke's on me, I guess, because it turned out he could take a lot more than I gave him credit for. He was fast enough to slip right out from under my nose and leave me sitting at that truck stop for hours, trying to convince myself he was gonna change his mind and come back.

        I finally left when the waitress started looking at me like she felt sorry for me; I don't know if she could tell what was going on between me and Nick, but judging by the way she kept shaking her head when she thought I wasn't looking I must have looked pretty bad. I thought about going after him, but he'd chosen the perfect spot to ditch me. We'd stopped at a truck stop right on the junction of the interstate, and there were two state highways stretching out in either direction away from the interstate. He could have gone anywhere, caught a ride south toward Little Rock or maybe north to Nebraska, knowing I'd never be able to track him. Even if I somehow picked the right road there was no way of knowing who he'd hitched a ride with, and the chances of actually finding him were worse than they were the first time.

        At least that first time he wanted to be found. He'd left me on purpose this time, and if he didn't want to be found it wouldn't be anywhere near as easy. I'd done it once, though, and I could do it again. I had a lot more to go on this time, anyway, I knew where vampires and almost-vampires went to feed or to hide from the daylight or even just to be with their own kind. I didn't know which city he'd choose, but I'd look through every hive in every city in the fucking country if I had to.

        That's what I did, too; nearly got myself killed a couple times, but I'd gotten pretty good at judging their movements and defending myself. Maybe it was from hanging out with Nick for so long, or maybe it was because I was one of them for a few days. I couldn't explain it if I wanted to, it was just like I could sense what they were thinking before they even thought it. So it wasn't too hard to keep the virus out of my system while I searched for Nick, and eventually I figured out that I could track him almost the same way that we tracked his Forsaken.

        It wasn't as easy, but once I got to know some of the kids that had the virus but hadn't turned yet I started running into people that had seen him. It was dumb luck that put me on his trail in the first place, I mean I didn't even know if I was going in the right direction. Mostly I guess I just aimed the Charger back west, figuring that if I hit L.A. without any word about him that I'd give up. I mean fuck him, right? He's the one that left, he's the one that decided I wasn't strong enough to deal with the possibility of him turning. I tried to tell myself that for a long time, all the way to Portland I told myself the only reason I was looking for him was so I could dust him and put us both out of our misery.

        Then I ran into a girl in a club in Portland that had a reputation for being vampire-friendly. At first glance it was just one of those Goth clubs, and I figured it was just a bunch of posers and wannabes. I was about to give up when I caught sight of this girl that looked just like Megan. I mean we're talking spitting image, and for a second I freaked. The last I heard Megan was in Phoenix living a normal, vampire-free life, so seeing her in a club in Portland that was supposedly crawling with bloodsuckers kind of threw me. When I finally caught up with the girl she didn't look as much like Megan as she had at first, and I started to tell her I was sorry and walk away. Then I saw the bite on her arm and I realized the club was for real, or at least that she was the real thing.

        I don't know what made me think she knew something about Nick, maybe it was just because I hadn't seen anybody in awhile that knew where I was coming from. Or maybe the fact that she looked a little like Megan made me think I could trust her. The point is I found myself describing Nick to her, and when I was done she started talking about a guy named Nick that had passed through town a week or so ahead of me. I knew we were more or less headed in the same direction, but until I met that girl I didn't know where he was going. Then she told me he mentioned something about L.A. and I knew. I knew what he was doing, and in a second I forgot everything I'd ever told myself about wishing I'd never laid eyes on him.

        Once I made it back to L.A. I got a room and started asking around at the clubs for any place that might be vampire-friendly. It was weird at first to realize that I knew how to ask those kinds of questions, but after the stuff I'd seen over the past year there wasn't much that stayed weird for long. L.A.'s a big place full of all kinds of freaks, but the list of places that sounded like they were for real wasn't that long. I didn't bother with the clubs I knew would be full of posers, starting with the smaller places in abandoned warehouses and neighborhoods even the cops were scared to go into. I knew Nick well enough to know he'd keep as low a profile as possible, and those places were the best choice for flying under everybody's radar.

        For a long time I thought maybe he expected me to follow him, maybe he was leaving clues behind to make it easier for me. I figured maybe he just wanted to know that it was my choice, that if I caught up with him again and told him I wanted to stay with him he wouldn't have to feel guilty about it. As soon as I found out he was headed to L.A. I figured it out, though; he thought I'd just go home, give up on him and go back to my life. He thought I'd be back in L.A. by now and he'd headed out here so he'd be close to me. Maybe he'd even been looking for me, trying to track me down so he could see for himself that I was getting on with my life. The only problem was that I didn't have a life without him, not anymore. I'd already made the choice back when I sold everything I owned and went after him the first time, it wasn't like I was gonna take it back just because he got nervous.

        Okay, so there was the whole vampire thing too. And yeah, that was a little hard to swallow, but underneath all that he was still Nick. I had to believe that, because it was the only thing keeping me going while I scoured every club in L.A. looking for him. I was starting to think maybe he'd left town again when I finally got word of an abandoned building in the valley where a bunch of weird things had happened. The usual disappearances and stuff, but the homeless people wouldn't go anywhere near that place after dark and that was good enough for me.

        I waited until broad daylight to head over there, because the last thing I needed was to end up as somebody else's dinner when I was so close to finally finding him. When I got there the place was boarded up just like I expected, and there was this weird vibe about it. Kinda dark and ominous, like the house in your neighborhood when you were a kid that none of the kids would go near. So yeah, I could understand why not even the local bums wanted to be there after dark, because even though they didn't know there were vampires inside they could feel *something*.

        It struck me as I was walking up the cracked pavement to the front door that this was like the scene in a bad horror movie where I'd be yelling at the main character to use his brain for a second and get the fuck out of there before he got sliced and diced by the killer waiting inside. Only I knew exactly what was waiting inside, and this wasn't a movie. It was my life - the life I was choosing, and all I could think about was finding Nick and convincing him that this was what we both wanted.

        The front door was still boarded up, and the plywood over the doorframe was solid. From the looks of it they'd reinforced it from the inside, probably to make sure nobody tore it off at the wrong time of day and fried the whole hive. It seemed weird that they'd sleep so close to the main entrance like that, but judging by the condition of the building from the outside I was guessing they didn't have much choice. I made my way around the side of the house, ignoring the door that led to the cellar. I really didn't want to go in by the basement unless I didn't have another choice, not when I knew anybody that heard me come in could kill me before my eyes even adjusted to the light inside the house.

        I was almost out of options when I finally saw it: a window at the back of the house with a loose piece of plywood over it. I could tell it had been positioned so it would look as airtight as the rest of the boards, but it was resting at enough of an angle to let me know that somebody had moved it recently. I didn't let myself think about what I was doing while I pushed the board up far enough to look inside, because if I started thinking about it I'd talk myself right out of it. I mean I was going in there for the one reason everybody else in town avoided the place, which was probably enough to get me committed all on its own. The fact that I was going in there to find the guy I loved and beg him to kill was a lot easier to go through with it if I didn't think too hard about it.

        The window was covered in those heavy blackout curtains, and I pushed them aside just enough to make sure I wasn't gonna land on anything live when I hoisted myself through the window. The last thing I needed was to surprise a vampire out of a nap and piss them off; I wanted to be one of them, but I didn't really want to feed any of them. Anyway it was a very real possibility that if one of them got a hold of me before I found Nick that I wouldn't live long enough to get infected, and that would pretty much ruin my big plan to spend the rest of eternity with Nick.

        It made me laugh to think like that, but that was exactly what I was doing. I'd already given up everything for him; my family, my life, my career, so I might as well give up my soul too, right? I wasn't sure if that was exactly the way it worked, but it didn't matter. The point was I wanted to be with him and I knew he wanted to be with me too. If he didn't he wouldn't have gone to L.A. He wouldn't have ditched me in that truck stop in the first place, he would have just made me his first meal and saved himself the trouble of having to catch a ride.

        Once I was sure the coast was clear I hoisted myself over the windowsill and slid through the curtains, letting in as little light as possible as I pulled the plywood back over the window. When I was in I leaned back against the window and tried to breathe as quietly as possible while I waited for my eyes to adjust. Everything sounded way too loud: my heartbeat, my breathing, even my clothes made too much noise when I shifted against the windowsill.

        It wasn't pitch black inside the house or anything; there were a few candles to give the place a Goth feel and I couldn't help smiling at the attempt at ambience. I mean I shouldn't have been surprised, most of these kids were probably living on the streets when they were turned and they probably considered the place home. So it made sense that they'd make a few attempts at making it seem less like an abandoned building and more like a safe place to sleep, but even though they'd tried to make it livable it was still pretty depressing.

        When I looked up I saw why they were all sleeping on the main floor; I could see right through the floorboards on the second floor, and I had a feeling if anybody over 50 pounds tried to walk up there they'd come right through the ceiling. It explained why the city had condemned the building, but it made for a pretty crowded house. I was standing in the middle of what probably used to be a dining room; there was a door that led to the kitchen a few feet away from me, and another door that had to lead to the living room. That was the front of the house, and I was guessing where a lot of them slept. There were a few kids asleep in the room I was in, but I guess because of the window that led in and out of the house they were a little nervous about sleeping in there.

        Once I thought I could move without tripping over anybody I headed for the living room, holding my breath while I threaded my way through the bodies sprawled out on the floor. A few of them had blankets and there were even a couple thin, dirty mattresses with three or four people crammed onto them, but some of them were sleeping on the bare floor. When they were asleep they just looked like normal kids, and it was hard not to feel sorry for them. Maybe if they'd had somebody to look out for them they wouldn't be here now, caught between human and something that most people didn't even believe in. But they were all monsters as far as the rest of the world was concerned, and the few that hadn't turned yet were well on their way.

        For a second I thought about turning around and climbing back out that window, looking up one of my old friends and crashing for a few days until I could figure out how to get out of town again. I thought about going to Florida, or maybe to someplace Nick and I had never been together. Someplace that wouldn't remind me of him, where I could try to bury the memories of his mouth against mine or the way he looked at me when he thought I wasn't paying attention. I almost turned around and let myself out of the house again, but when I caught sight of dirty blond hair out of the corner of my eye I froze.

        I knew it was him before I even looked, and somewhere in the middle of all the feelings that flooded me I remember thanking God that I didn't have to go down to the basement. Like God had anything to do with that place, like He cared about somebody that was crazy enough to throw away his life the way I was about to. I couldn't feel bad about it, though, I couldn't even regret it when I turned and saw his face.

        In his sleep he looked exactly the way I remembered him, long eyelashes curling against his cheek and his hair sticking up at all kinds of crazy angles. His jacket was bunched up under his head as a pillow, and his arms were wrapped tight around his chest. It was warm in the house, early summer in southern California meant pretty much anywhere you went was bound to be hot. He looked like he was freezing, though, and all I wanted to do was wrap myself around him and warm him up.

        I was supposed to be pissed at him, to give him hell for ditching me and making me work so hard to track him down again. Looking at him curled up on a dirty floor surrounded by all those other kids I couldn't be mad at him, I couldn't hate him for trying to protect me from this. It wasn't what I wanted, not for him or for me, but I knew I'd never be able to go back to my life after seeing him like this.

        I was careful climbing over the others to get to him, squeezing myself into the few inches of space between him and some girl. I squatted down next to him and reached out, ignoring the way my fingers trembled as I ran a hand through his hair. Back when we were still sharing trashy motel rooms I used to do that sometimes when I woke up before he did, and he always just mumbled my name and buried his head a little further into the pillow. This time when I did it his eyes snapped open, and before I even knew what was happening he had his hand around my throat. The look in his eyes...I hadn't seen that look in a long time, not even when I was risking my life in the underground clubs trying to find him.

        "Nick, it's me," I whispered, willing myself not to struggle against his grip. I knew that would just make it worse, and anyway if he wanted to kill me there wasn't a lot I could do to stop him. I just had to hope that he was still the Nick I'd fallen for all those months ago, and that he'd at least be a little happy to see me.

        I could tell the exact moment he woke up enough to recognize me; his grip slackened but his hand didn't leave my throat, his fingers stroking against my skin as he relaxed. For a long moment he looked down at the floor between us and I could tell he was trying to hold himself together, although whether he was trying not to kill me or trying not to cry I didn't know. At that point I wasn't even sure if I cared, all I knew was that I'd found him and it didn't matter what happened now.

        He looked up again when one of the others mumbled something and turned over, letting go of me and pushing himself off the floor with a grace I wouldn't have believed if I hadn't seen with my own eyes. He pulled me up by the arm and steered me in the direction of the dining room, past more sleeping vampires into the kitchen. I opened my mouth to ask him what we were doing but before I got the words out he was pushing me into a walk-in pantry, pulling the door shut behind him and leaning against it. The smell of blood wasn't so strong in there, but it was just as filthy as the rest of the house and I didn't even want to know what some of the stains on the floor were.

        "Are you out of your fucking mind?" he hissed when he finally looked at me again. "Jesus, Sean, if any of them catches a whiff of human there's no way I could hold them all off. You'd be dead. Do you get it? Not just infected, we're talking totally drained."

        "You think I don't know that? Jesus, Nick, what do you think I've been doing since you ditched me? I've been through every club between here and St. Louis looking for you. I've seen the feeders and I've seen the stupid fucking kids that just hand themselves over as human sacrifices because they think it's all some big game. I've killed more bloodsuckers than I can count, so many I can't even remember their faces anymore."

        "Is that why you're here? You wanna kill me and put me out of my misery for old time's sake? Go for it, man. I want you to."

        He spread his arms out to either side of him, and just for a second I could tell that he really did want me to kill him. Maybe he didn't even know how bad he wanted it, but the desperation in his eyes hurt more than his leaving ever did. "I'm not gonna kill you, Nick."

        "Then what the fuck are you doing here?"

        "You know why I'm here," I said, sounding a lot more confident than I felt. I mean it was Nick and I'd been thinking about pretty much nothing but this moment since he left me almost two months ago, but it wasn't just Nick anymore. He was more now, the virus was part of him instead of just a disease and even though he looked the same I could see the changes already. I'm not sure where I found the courage to move, but I guess after two months of searching for him I didn't have much else to lose. I stopped less than a foot in front of him and reached up to rest my hand on the side of his neck. "It's my choice, Nick. You don't get to decide for me."

        "What, so you get to decide and I have to go along with it?" He looked like he wanted to laugh, but instead he just shook his head. His skin moved under my hand, warmer than I'd expected it to be and so alive that for a second it was easy to believe there was still time to save him. Then I looked up at him again and I saw the little trickle of blood leaking out of the corner of his mouth, and I knew it was me doing that to him. He could smell my blood, still human and warm and part of him was fighting hard to talk him into just taking me. That was what I wanted, but I still had to take a deep breath before I leaned forward and licked the blood off the corner of his mouth.

        His whole body shivered against the door when my mouth landed on his, but he didn't move. He was still standing there with his arms spread out like some kind of twisted religious statue, his fingers digging into the cheap plaster walls. He didn't kiss me back, but he didn't try to get away either so I decided to take that as a good sign. When I pulled back my mouth was filled with the coppery tang of fresh blood, like I'd swallowed a whole pint instead of just a few drops.

        "I get to decide," I finally answered.

        For a long time he didn't say anything. He just stood there staring at me, challenging me maybe or possibly hoping if he just pretended I wasn't there I'd go away. I knew part of him wanted me to find him, though, he had to or he wouldn't have come to L.A. So I just stared back at him, not touching or moving or even breathing for fear that if I blinked he'd disappear. Any second now I could wake up from another one of those dreams where I find him just in time to watch him get fried in the sunlight or sometimes staked, which I knew now wasn't the way it worked but I still dreamed it.

        "Sean, just go. Get out of here." But he didn't sound like he meant it; in fact he sounded like it was the hardest thing he'd ever had to say, like it took everything left in him just to force the words out.

        I was tempted to say something lame like 'you can't make me' just to see if I could get him to laugh, but I remembered before I said it why he probably wasn't in the mood for laughing. What I was asking him was huge, I hadn't even said the words yet but I knew he knew why I was there. He knew he wasn't getting rid of me, either, but if he had to try just for his own peace of mind then I couldn't take that away from him. "Where am I gonna go, Nick? You think I can just go back to my life like none of this ever happened, get my job back, pretend you never existed? Do you think it's that easy?"

        "Yeah. Yeah, I do. You've got your whole life, Sean. Just forget me and go."

        "Go what? Live it? Come on, Nick. I couldn't just forget you when you left me in that hospital in Texas, and I sure as hell can't forget you now. I love you."

        He winced when I said it, like the words stung. I knew he already knew how I felt about him, just like I knew how he felt about me. But maybe hearing them out loud made it too real, too hard to ignore. Maybe he could lie to himself before I tracked him down, tell himself I'd forget him in time and move on with my life. But there was no way that could happen, no matter how much part of me wanted it to.

        I didn't even see him move before I felt his hand in my hair, gripping tight at the back of my skull and pulling me forward. It hurt, and it took everything in me not to struggle against his grip, but somehow I managed to push down the fear and the anger and just go slack against him. "This isn't a fucking movie, Sean," he said, his voice moving the air around my cheek. "There's no happy ending, no white knight like in the fairy tales. The bad guy doesn't lose this time, and nobody gets the girl."

        "I don't want the girl," I said. My voice was trembling but I ignored it, hoping he'd be too pissed at me to hear it. "I want you."

        For a second his expression softened and I really saw him for the first time - my Nick, not some cheap horror movie monster version of the apocalypse - but before I even had time to blink it was gone and he jerked my head back so hard I felt tears sting my eyes. "Is this what you want?" he asked, pushing himself off the door far enough to open his mouth against my throat. And I knew he could feel my whole body shaking against him, part of me begging to push him away even though I knew I couldn't get out of his grip unless he let me. There was another part of me that did want it, though, more than anything I'd ever wanted before. Part of me still remembered the seduction of the bloodlust, and I wanted to feel it with Nick this time.

        I felt the press of teeth against my neck, not as blunt as a human's but not sharp enough to slice right through my skin without a little more pressure. I couldn't stop myself from tensing as I waited for it, but a second later moist heat replaced the press of teeth. It took me a few seconds to realize that Nick was kissing my neck, and I pressed back against his hand and tried to turn my head enough to find his mouth. His grip on my hair never loosened but he let me kiss him again, opening his mouth against mine and tasting the tang of his blood still on my tongue. Way too soon he tensed against me and pulled away, leaving me gasping and clenching his shirt in my fists.

        "You can't have me," he said, and I realized for the first time that he wasn't even breathing hard. "I'm already dead, Sean."

        "No," I said, shaking my head like that was gonna erase the truth behind his words. "No, you're not. Just different. But you're still you. The part of you that wants me is still there, otherwise you would have killed me already."

        "Sean, gotta get out of here. I can't do it. I can't."

        "Yeah, you can," I said, uncurling one of my fists from his shirt to run my thumb over his lips. "Do you love me?"

        "Fuck. Sean..."

        I looked away for a second when he hesitated, steeling myself for the possibility that I might have been wrong. Maybe I was just the easiest target, the nearest warm body. I knew he liked me, otherwise he would have told me to get lost a long time ago. But love - I got the feeling that it was a pretty big deal for Nick, and even turning into a bloodsucker wouldn't be enough to erase that. If he didn't love me he might not want me around for the rest of eternity, but as pathetic as it was I would have let him turn me even if he said no.

        His hand left my hair to slide under my chin, gripping hard enough to force me to look up at him again. "If I didn't I wouldn't have left. Don't you get that? I was trying to give you your life back."

        "It's too late," I said, but it was hard to hear my own voice over the sound of my heart pounding against my ears. Part of me was still back on 'he loves me', running over and over in my head like some insane mantra. I wasn't sure how long it would take for that to sink in enough for me to think again, but I had a feeling it would be awhile. "This is my life now."

        "It doesn't have to be like this," he said, and my heart clenched in my chest when I saw his resolve start to slip. "I mean you don't have to become this...thing. You don't, Sean. We've fucked for months without infecting you, we know it won't happen."

        "So...what? We get an apartment and put up blackout curtains? I work while you sleep, and then you spend your nights out hunting for dinner? It wouldn't work, Nick. You know it wouldn't. It's all or nothing."

        "I can't," he said again, and I got the feeling from the way he was looking at me that at least part of him meant it. There was another part of him that wanted to, though, and if I could just get to that part I knew he'd give in.

        "I can get somebody else to do it. Then you wouldn't have any choice."

        "No." The word came out of his throat in a weird half-growl, and even though I'd never admit it, it kind of turned me on. I mean Nick was usually pretty laid-back so actual growling was something new for him anyway, but the possessive way he said it was what made my dick twitch. I might have gone through with it if he'd forced me to, found somebody like Megan that hadn't completely turned yet and gotten them to bite me. Maybe that's what I should have done before I found him, but if it turned out he didn't want me I would have spent a fuck of a long time regretting that decision.

        "Alright then," I said, working hard to make my grin look convincing. "Looks like it's up to you."

        When he looked at me I almost felt bad for forcing it on him, and for just a second I thought about taking it back. I thought about trying it his way, pretending I had a normal life by day and going home at night to fuck my vampire boyfriend. Just the thought of him coming home with the taste of some stranger's blood on his tongue was enough to make me forget that idea, though, and I pushed the last of my doubts as far back as they would go and took a step back.

        He leaned back against the door when I pulled out of his grip and watched while I pulled my shirt over my head, but as soon as it hit the floor he grabbed me and spun my around to pin me against the door. I didn't even notice the impact of the wood hitting my back, I was too lost in the feeling of his mouth on mine and his hands moving over my skin. It had been way too long since the last time we did this, that night he thought would be our last together. I had no clue until after that it was supposed to be the last time, and for a long time I was more pissed at him for that than because he left. But I could feel how much he'd missed it, and when I pushed at his shirt he let go of me long enough to let it fall down his arms and hit the floor.

        I tugged that dingy wifebeater of his over his head next, pulling my mouth off his long enough to get it off him. When it hit the floor he just looked at me for a long time, like he was trying to figure out if he was just dreaming or if I'd really found him. I kept asking myself that same question, but as long as it felt real I wasn't about to try to talk myself out of believing it. I slid my hand around the back of his neck and pulled him forward again, tasting blood on his mouth when I slid my tongue past his lips. I wondered if it still hurt, the hunger; it hurt like nothing I could have ever imagined when I was infected that first time, but I guess he'd had a little time to get used to it. He'd been slowly dying for two years, after all, and his Forsaken was still out there killing all the time.

        His hands slid between us to unbutton my jeans, and I leaned back against the door and let him pull my zipper down and push my jeans down to my thighs. My arms went around his waist to pull him closer, my whole body thrusting into his when I felt his dick digging into the hollow of my pelvis. I wanted him as much as I ever had, maybe even more because I hadn't been with anybody since he left. It was more that just wanting him, though; I wanted to feel that connection again, to feel him inside me and know he felt it too.

        "This is gonna hurt." He breathed the words against my ear and I managed a jerky nod in response, beyond caring about pain. It didn't matter how much it hurt, I wanted to feel his teeth sink into me and know he wanted me as much as I wanted him. "No," he said when he felt me nod, pulling back long enough to look at me. "I mean if you want me to fuck you it's gonna hurt. It's not like there's any lube lying around this dump."

        I wanted to laugh when it sank in that he was thinking about whether or not I enjoyed it. That was so much like him, though, worrying about me when he was the one with the weight of the whole fucking world on his shoulders. I couldn't look him in the eyes and laugh, he wouldn't get why I was laughing and I didn't want to have to explain it. I was just glad to have him back, to know that no matter what he was now, underneath it he was still Nick. Instead of answering I kicked my jeans off the rest of the way and then reached for his pants, shoving them down his legs along with his boxers and dropping to my knees. I felt a hand stroke my hair as I took hold of his cock and ran my tongue over that spot just below the head, grinning when his fingers tightened in my hair again.

        When he loosened his grip a little I closed my mouth around the head and took him as far into my mouth as I could, taking a couple minutes just to get used to the weight of him against my tongue again. Every time I'd sucked him off before he'd always made me wait until he put a condom on, terrified that if I accidentally swallowed or didn't pull off in time that I'd get infected again. And I knew why he worried, because I remembered the first time and how the drugs didn't really work on me. So I put up with the taste of latex and eventually I even started to get used to it, but tasting Nick for the first time was such a rush that I almost forgot to stop before he came.

        The sound of him moaning low in his throat brought me back to reality, and I ignored the disappointed groan when I pulled my mouth off him and stood up again. He caught my arms as soon as I stood up, dragging me forward for another hard kiss before he let go and let me turn around. I braced my hands against the door and closed my eyes, swallowing a sigh when I felt the tip of his cock press against me. I didn't even know how much I'd missed this, just feeling his hands on me and his mouth moving on my neck as he slid inside.

        His mouth...on my neck. When that thought sank in I opened my eyes again, but I didn't feel the press of teeth this time. It was just his mouth moving on my skin, just like he used to do in all those seedy motel rooms we'd stayed in. When he was all the way inside me he paused, pressing another kiss to the side of my neck. I twisted my head a little to try to look at his face, to see if I could tell what he was thinking by his expression. All I could see was dirty blond hair, though, and when he slammed back into me again I gave up trying and closed my eyes.

        I didn't know how this whole vampire thing worked - I mean I'd been infected, yeah, and I'd felt the virus trying to take over my body. But all I knew about life after you turned was what I'd seen in those crappy B movies I used to cut trailers for, and I had no clue what to expect. I mean for all I knew Nick really was dead, and his heart was just beating out of habit. It didn't seem like he had to work that hard to breathe anymore, anyway, and I wondered if he still sweat or if the slickness I felt between his chest and my back was all me.

        His hands were gripping my hips hard, holding me still so I didn't fall forward into the door. My elbows were locked and I knew my arms would be sore later, but if he went through with it and bit me I'd wake up feeling like I'd been hit by a truck anyway. So it didn't matter if he left bruises on my hips, and if they were shaped like his hands then at least I'd know that I hadn't just dreamed this whole thing.

        One of his hands left my hip to reach around me, and when he closed his fist around my dick I gasped from the almost-pain. I was way beyond hard, thrusting back and forth between his hand and his dick still buried deep inside me. That was when I felt his mouth open on my neck again, hot and wet and sucking hard enough to pull the blood to the surface. I could feel him losing control, his body shaking against mine so hard that I didn't know how he was still holding himself up. My whole body was aching for that same release, straining against him for just a little more, just enough to pull me over the edge.

        A gasp froze in my throat, choked off by the shock of something sharp sinking into my skin. It took me a second to realize that he'd actually gone through with it, then I felt him start sucking even harder and that was all it took. I came hard, against the door and over his hand. As soon as I relaxed against him he thrust into me again, still sucking at my neck until I started to feel a little light-headed. I lost track of how many more times he pulled out and drove back into me again...four, maybe five before he pulled his mouth off my neck and came inside me.

        It wasn't the first time I wished I could see us, but when I reached up to touch my neck and felt slick, sticky heat I wished it just a little bit more. I could feel him, though, and that was what mattered. He was still buried deep inside me, his chest rising and falling against my back. I knew I was close to passing out just like the first time I'd been bitten, but even the thought of waking up stiff and cold on the floor of some filthy abandoned house didn't bother me. All I cared about was that I'd found him, and that he wanted me enough kill me, I guess. I laughed weakly at that, and I felt him stir behind me and slowly pull out of me. I had a feeling he was looking at me like maybe I'd lost my mind somewhere along the way, and maybe I had. It didn't matter, though, not when he pulled me down onto the floor with him and let me rest my head against his chest. And when I woke up I'd remember to tell him he was wrong - maybe it wasn't the happy ending he was hoping for, but it was close enough to one for me.


Continue to 'Just Like Starting Over'

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