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Cry My Name
Reply to CallaPosted to the RoswellSlash mailing list May 5, 2002
TITLE: Cry My Name
ARCHIVE: yes to list archive
SPOILERS: Massive spoilers for "Cry My Name" and "Departure".
NOTES/SUMMARY: Alex realises he's forgotten something. Slight AU for CYN. It still ends badly. Australian spelling and punctuation.
DISCLAIMER: None of these characters belong to me. Written for love, not profit.
FEEDBACK: Any type of feedback welcome, including critical.
DEDICATION/ACKNOWLEDGMENTS: Many thanks to Girlie Jones and Jud for beta.
They're the Royal Four.
But he knew that - he's known it for ages - so why is the sentence stuck in his head? Repeating itself over and over. They were created from the genetic materials of their alien predecessors... And he *knew* that. He knew it, dammit.
His mind won't sit still.
Something's going on, and he doesn't know what. Or rather, something *had* been going on. He doesn't know how he knows that, but somehow he just does.
Alex walks to the desk and leans on it with both hands. He closes his eyes, feeling suddenly dizzy, overwhelmed.
And then he realises. He's forgotten something.
It's the worst feeling in the world, to know that there's something he can't remember. And he's certain it's something important, so that even if he could let it go he wouldn't want to.
Looking through his computer files, he finds one that's locked. He opens it, wondering what he'd put in it. As the text scrolls across the screen he jerks back, falling off his chair. Darkness plunges over him as he realises that the noise he hears is himself crying out.
* * *
Maria and Liz come around to coach him about Isabel. He's not entirely sure their advice is sound, especially given Liz's dating record. But it's *Isabel*, and he doesn't think he can necessarily manage on his own.
He takes the expected phone call from Isabel (They're the Royal Four), and her voice is so warm. He's been waiting a long time to hear her talk to him like this. (They were given human form...). At Liz and Maria's urging he declines to see her tonight, claiming that he needs to study.
He wants to see her, though, and doesn't really understand why he can't. But they're proud of him, and he guesses that means something. There's been so much lately that he doesn't quite understand. It never used to be like this. Before the aliens.
Maria and Liz go, and amid his confused thoughts he realises that his food's arrived, cold. It's just little things that are bothering him, but there are so many of them. The food, his lie to Isabel. Nothing's true, nothing's right.
He thinks, suddenly, of Sweden and Leanna. Picking up a photo of the two of them them together, he's suddenly overwhelmed with conflicting memories. The Olsen family. A university. Leanna and the mountains. A dorm room. Shaking with the frenzy of images, he grabs a pair of scissors and cuts his head out of the photo.
He wants it all to go away.
But it won't, and it's something massive, something unbelievable. Something that... How could he have forgotten?
* * *
His head hurts. A lot. It's a violent, agonising heat. He opens his eyes. Tess and Kyle are above him, looking worried. He hasn't got a clue how he got here, what he's doing here.
They help him stand up. He looks at Kyle, who looks as blank as he feels, then down at Tess. She stares back at him for a moment, then suddenly says, "So the books, that you needed from Kyle? They're over here". She turns away and comes back with a stack of books. He takes them. History, English. He can't remember what he wanted them for. There's probably an assignment that he's forgotten. He's been doing that lately.
It's probably due tomorrow. He looks at Tess and Kyle for a bit. "I guess, I'd better be going", he says, turning away.
Kyle comes with him out the door. As it swings shut Kyle grabs him and pushes him back against the wall. Alex tilts his head to meet Kyle's mouth, dropping the books to the ground. They kiss for a long moment, then Kyle pulls back and whispers, "Were you really here for the books?"
"Maybe I just wanted to see you", Alex says.
"Maybe?", Kyle asks, teasingly.
"Maybe. Today, before you get older", Alex replies, feeling okay again for the first time in as long as he can remember.
But it doesn't last, because as he gets into his car with the books a chaotic jumble of images fills his head. It seems familiar, as if he's felt it before, been feeling it all along. He bangs his hands on the steering wheel, hard, and the pain momentarily focuses his thoughts.
Kyle. He'd found someone at last, completely unexpectedly, and then the person he'd wanted all this time... Isabel. It tears at him to think about them, either of them. He's been lying to them both. He'd never meant to, but somehow things happened and dragged him along. He doesn't know how to get out of it.
He can't keep going on like this.
He starts the car and drives, blindly, not knowing if he's even going the right way. It's coming back to him, all coming back, and he doesn't know what's real and what isn't. He doesn't know anything any more.
It's *Tess*, and how could he have forgotten that? Forgotten her? He should have known, should have remembered about her alien brain-altering powers. That's what's been happening to him. He doesn't know what's real out of everything that's been going on, but now he knows that half of it isn't true.
She's been inside his mind, changing things. And not just once. He feels sick at the thought, horrified that he can't trust anything that he thinks he knows. It's too massive a concept to face, but at the same time it's inescapable.
Driving through the night, tears sting his eyes and blur his vision. His head hurts, and his heart hurts. And he can't think; can't think about anything anymore.
He wants to be with Isabel. He wants to be with Kyle. But it's all lies. Whatever he does will hurt someone. They'd all be better off without him.
He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes against the glare, and wrenches the steering wheel to the left.
* * *
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