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Reply to Aphracia

Added to the Roswell Slash Archive March 13, 2001

Author; Aphracia
Title/Part; Fire (01/01)
Disclaimer; Liz, Max, Isabel and Tess aren't mine. They belong to Jason, Melinda &the WB. Only the storyline - what little there is of it - is mine.
This is a Catfighter (Liz/Tess) fic, please be warned. If it's not your thing, hit the back button and/or close the browser. Thank you.
Archiving; Sure. Just ask me, I always say yes.

       I'm wrapped in Max's arms, my Max. He's holding me so gently, so carefully, as though he's afraid I'll break if he holds me too hard. I'm back where I'm expected to be, where part of me always wants to be. Despite the fact that I ran, despite the fact that I avoided him the entire summer, I'm back in his arms.

       Running was pointless, I've never been able to escape my feelings for Max. I could run forever and he'd still occupy part of my heart, of my thoughts. But ... I have one more secret from Max and this one's big, even if it's not life-threatening.

       How do I tell the guy of my dreams that I've been fantasising about his former wife. NC-17 rated dreams. If our aliens pasts are to be believed, if Tess's memories are to be believed, then Max and Tess were married, were in love. In their last lifetime. In this lifetime Max is mine, he loves me, he's giving up destiny every second he holds me in his arms.

       I'm starting to feel guilty that it doesn't mean as much as it should anymore. I love Max, no one can change that. But when I look at Tess ... it's like seeing the future in sparkly colors, I want to dance just because. Everytime she looks at me, I smile even when I'm saddened, even when I'm frustrated, even when I'm angry. I can't help it. I look at her and this involuntary smile just appears on my face.

       And when she touches me, fire explodes in every vein of my body.

       I feel guilty that I can't bring this up with Max ... but how can I? He threw over Tess for me. He gave up his destiny, his principles to be with me, and I'm fantasising nightly about how amazing it would be to kiss the girl he gave up.

       I know Tess knows, I've seen her look at me with a slight smile that says "I know your secret", and I think she likes me too. You can't fake the tension that fills the air everytime we're alone together. You can't fake the feelings I have, the feelings I see mirrored in her eyes. We're torturing ourselves really. I can't leave Max after everything he's gone through and given up for me. And I think Tess knows that.

       But I want her, oh god I want her. Touching me, kissing me, taking me with passion and fire. Somehow I know it would be like that. A sixth sense tells me how we'd be together. I want her more than I've ever wanted anyone. Even the desire I felt for Max pales in comparison to this.

       But I'm scared. Changing my life like that. Abandoning my relationship with Max. Max&Liz. Liz&Max. Soulmates. That's what everyone thinks of us. Tess is supposed to make a play for Max, not me. No one expects Tess and I together, we're supposed to hate each other. But how can I hate someone who makes me feel like she does.

       I look up at Max and smile, and he takes it at face value. He doesn't look deeper into my eyes like she does to see if I'm hiding my pain and confusion. He just assumes I'm being honest with him. Sometimes I want to scream at him, to tell him to see me when he looks at me.

       As I tilt my head back to feel his lips on mine, I know I don't have the strength to change my life so drastically. That the want and need will be buried beneath the love I have for Max. Maybe not always, but for now it will. It has to be.

       I love Max. I'm in love with Tess.

       When the sun shines down on us, it's his arms that are around me, his lips on mine. But when the night falls and the stars start to sparkle, things change. Even when I'm sleeping in his arms, our naked bodies pressing against each other, in my dreams it's Tess who holds me, Tess who kisses me, Tess who sets my blood on fire.

       I'll always be grateful that Isabel isn't the only one with the ability to dreamwalk.

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