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Not That Strong

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Posted to the RoswellSlash mailing list October 4, 2002

TITLE: Not That Strong
AUTHOR: Amberina
E-MAIL: amberflower426@yahoo.com
WEBSITE: http://www.geocities.com/amberflower426/
MAILING LIST: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/amberina
RATING: R, just for language
PAIRING: Isabel/Tess, slight Isabel/Alex
SPOILERS: "Departure"
SUMMARY: Tess tries to make amends.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, never was, never will be (probably.)
FEEDBACK: Ooh, yes please!
ARCHIVING: List archives. Anyone else, give me the link, and you can have it.
NOTE: Slightly AU. Take it as it is - I like to tweak canon to my liking. ;-)



        Isabel kneels over Alex's grave and cries. She can almost feel his arms around her, comforting her - wait, she *can* feel his arms around her. She turns slightly, and behind her is Tess, not Alex.

        Isabel's mouth goes dry. She's frozen in place, and she can't bring herself to speak. Even her thoughts are jumbled - she feels herself shutting down, and struggles to stay afloat, she struggles not to pass out. She's not that strong, though, so she collapses right there on the grass.

****

        Tess gentley rocks Isabel's unconsceince body and she allows herself to cry. How did everything get so out of hand? She was pregnant with the son of the man she was destined to be with, she had fought so hard to get back to Antar, lying about how her son couldn't live in the Earth's atmosphere and even killing. None of it had worked.

        Tess brushes back a strand of Isabel's hair and she is overwhelmed by how beautiful she looks. Fuck destiny, are her thoughts as she cradles an oh-so vulnerable Isabel.

        "I'm so sorry, Iz," she whispers.

****

        When Isabel comes to, she is shocked to see she is lying in Tess' arms. "No," she says in disgust. "No." She gets up quickly, pushing Tess away from her. "What do you want from me?" Her voice is cold, but slightly shakey. She can't handle this - she's not that strong.

        Tess sighs and brings her bright blue eyes to meet Isabel's deep brown eyes. "Please listen to me."

        Isabel is offended. "No! No, that is not going to happen." She has so much more to say, but she can't seem to make her thoughts form into words. "No."

        "Isabel, listen. I killed him, but - "

        "Not him!" Isabel screams. "Alex! His name is Alex!"

        Tess nods. "Alex. I killed Alex. My intentions were not to kill him. I was trying to get us home."

        Isabel smirks. "This is home, Tess. Don't you get that yet?"

        Tess shakes her head. "I know you think that, but this is not our planet. This is not home."

        "How is a place we have never been home and this - the planet we hatched on, the planet where we grew up - isn't? I know our old selves were rulers there, but I personally wasn't, okay? I am Isabel Evans, and I am from Roswell, New Mexico, Planet Earth. That is who I am. I am no longer who I was, and I really shouldn't be expected to be." Isabel took a deep breath. "You come in and you turn our lives upside down! Max and Liz, they had something, okay? We all had something. Alex and I had something. You didn't just take that away, you took him away! And you say you did it because you wanted to take my entire life away? Well, fuck you, and fuck destiny, okay?"

****

        Tess, even though she had the exact same thoughts only a few minutes ago, feels her old defend-destiny instincts kick in, but she pushes it back. This isn't about some pre-ordained, unfair "destiny!" This is about finding the forgiveness of the woman she loves.

        "Isabel, I understand what you are feeling. But please, I was trying to do what was best for our race. I was trying to - " She takes a deep breathe, and just blurts it all out. "I love you Isabel, take it as it is. You can't say you hate me."

        That's when Tess embraces Isabel in a kiss.

****

        Isabel pushes her away, and takes a step back, stunned. "No! I don't love you. I love Alex! I - I love - " Isabel is trying to keep herself standing, but since she is not that strong, she ends up falling to her knees before she collapses again. "I can't love you. It's wrong! You're - you killed Alex. I can't love you." She's trying to convince herself, but she can't seem to. "I can't love you."

        Tess embraces her again, but this time it is just a comforting hug, as she gently strokes her back. "You can be mad at me, but you can't say you don't love me. You're not that strong."

        THE END

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