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Ava, Chapter 7: Ava

Reply to Alsike

Posted to June 27, 2004

     Wow, she’s the strangest girl I have ever met.  I’m in love with her, but what do I say?  The reason that I’m taking it slow is because I don’t want it to be like every other relationship I’ve had.  I don’t want to sleep with her and then get dumped.  I want her forever, so I’m not being easy.  Is that what’s right?  I don’t want to chase her away either.  I liked her mouth on my shoulder, but it was so forward.  I tried that and it scared her.  I’m so confused.

     She’s going to orb with me.  What am I do her?  Can she say she loves me?  What am I going to wear?

     Her fingers slip between mine, and my entire body starts tingling; then it’s like I’m made of moths flying madly around a light bulb.  I catch a glimpse of a place between.  It’s more like a feeling of complete emptiness and freedom, like I could fly, but always there’s warmth beside me, keeping me safe…

     My legs buckle underneath me and I fall to the hardwood floor of a bedroom.  She’s kneeling in front of me, solicitous and worried, not afraid to touch me.

     I love you.  I want to say it.  I want to wrap my arms around her and press her close, so close she becomes part of me and will never leave me, ‘cause I’ve felt the emptiness before, and I never want to feel that way again.

     Am I too needy?  What if it’s just fun for her?  How can I need her this desperately?  I thought I was going to be able to survive on my own, but I don’t want to be on my own.  I want to trust again, to feel safe…

     “Are you all right?”

     “Do you love me?”

Continue to Chapter 8

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