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Ava, Chapter 50: Piper

Reply to Alsike

Posted to June 27, 2004

     I go to P3 when I need her, and she's always there.  She smiled at me took my hand and pulled me close to her, but I just looked at her, my eyes running up and down her face, trying to break through to the memory.  But I could remember everything, forward, backward, just seeing her.  I remembered this expression, seeing it in the future and the past, but I didn't know what happened.  I slipped my hands around her waist.

     "Let's go.  I whispered.  And we orbed purple into her bedroom.  She sat on the bed and looked out from black curls at me.  I slowly settled next to her.

     "I want to remember that week.  They took it from me, I want to remember.

     She reached out and touched my temple.

     "Then remember.

     I hate myself.  It's so embarrassing.  I feel sick.  I feel so sick.  I want to go home, but I am home, and I still feel lost.  I can't believe it, I can't believe she did that to me.  I can't.  She looked at me like I was nothing, like I was disgusting, horrible, an untouchable.  It was so different from the way she looked at me before.  Maybe she didn't really look at me.  I can't believe I did that with her.  I let her do this to me, I opened up everything, everything!  I was so stupid.  I would never let anyone touch me, but I let her.  The way I felt, the way I feel... why does it burn this much?

     I'm going to vomit, oh god I'm going to vomit.  I plunk to my knees on the bathroom tile and shut my eyes.  The sight of my throw-up only makes me want to puke more.  But I'm just crying; I'm crying and screaming, it's not fair.  It's not fair!  How could she do this to me?  How could she fool me into trusting her enough?  It was a challenge; oh fuck me.  It was a test of my control, could I get her into bed with me, could I seduce her.  I did, I got her; I got everything I tried for.  But I got fucked over.  What did I expect?

     I expected her to keep a secret.  I expected her to protect us both by protecting herself, but she twisted it around, she talked it around, protected herself and threw me to the wolves.  Fuck her!  I hate her!  I hate her so much!  I had her.  I had her body and no one will ever listen to me, and I wouldn't tell.  God I'm weak, but I can't.  I couldn't tell.  I'm so weak!  I fingerfucked her, I savaged her, and it wasn't like she didn't want it, it wasn't like she didn't reciprocate, ooh SAT word.  And then she savaged me worse, she told people, she told them, and no one in this school will ever look at me again.  At least they wont see me.  They'll see that weird dyke girl.  But I'm out of here in a month and I'll never feel again.  I'm never going to feel.

     I stood up and stared at my red eyes in the mirror, my childish, vulnerable, chubby face looks back.  Why did she even do it?  Why did she do it with me?  Just to do this to me?  I wipe my face with cold water and pull my hair back into a tail.  I don't give up.  I will go to school every fucking day for the rest of the year, and let them laugh at me, let them look at me.  I don't care!  I don't.  I don't care about anything.  Why should I?  Nothing will touch me, any emotion is weakness, all I have is strength, all I can do is make them feel weak in response to my strength.

     I walk down the hallway.  I don't care if anyone sees.  I don't care if Prue sees my crying, or if Phoebe comes in, or if Grams sees me.  I don't want them to, I'm crying, I'm weak.  Straighten shoulders, wipe face.  I march into my room and shut the door and lock it.  Then I sink against the door, crumpling.

     "Piper?  There's a hand on my shoulder.  I jump up and spin around.  I don't want anyone to see me like this.

     There is a girl in my room.  She's lanky and somewhat awkward with short black hair, thick and wavy with ringlets that guard her face and bounce like slinkies.  She looks really nervous.

     "Who are you?  What are you doing here?  How do you know my name?

     "Um, I'm Mackie, I just, I just wanted to make sure you're all right.

     She looks so nervous, but she's really cute.  Wait!  Stop that!  What happened to the not feeling thing?  Remember?  And the no more girls ever thing?

     "What do you mean, make sure that I'm all right?

     "Well," she looks traumatized, "I saw what she did to you," oh god, "and then you were crying and it looked like you were never going to stop, and I was really scared, and I don't want you to be unhappy.

     "Do you go to my school?

     "No.  She shies away from a full reply.

     "How do you know what happened?

     She traces circles on her jeans with a finger, "I've been watching you?

     "Why?  How?  What is going on?

     I am stomping around like a maniac, but she grabs my hand.  At the touch heat shoots through me and turns my stomach on its head.  She smiles at me.  I think cute was an understatement.

     "I'm your guardian angel, in training.  I stare at her, okay cute definitely, but insane certifiably.  I think I have a stalker.  "Honest I am, and I've been watching you on the viewscreen because  she stopped and got all embarrassed again.

     "Watching me on the viewscreen?

     "I don't watch when you're in the bathroom or anything.  I'm making her start to blush, I want to make her blush more.

     "Do you watch me when I'm changing?  Oh yes, I've got the purple tint there, and no matter what she says I know it's true.  But, oh gosh, she doesn't look away when I'm changing; she doesn't look away some other times.

     "So you saw the thing.  She knows what I mean, I can see it in her face, and it totally freaks her out.

     "I can't believe," she's perched on the bed and staring down at her hands.  "I can't believe she would do that to you.

     She thinks it's sick.  "I sed..." I started, but she looked at me, a little wild eyed and I froze.

     "That she would say those things about you.

     "But they were true, weren't they.  You watched.  I spit it.  I can be a bitch, even to her, but I don't care.

     "Will you kiss me?

     Huh?  I stare at her, my mouth slowly drooping open.  All the blood has drained out of her face and she is clenching the blanket with both fists.  She wants me to kiss her?  She's not freaked or disgusted or horrified.  She wants to kiss me?  I, I don't know what I'm supposed to do.  She's super cute, but I don't know how to do this.  I like her.  I want to kiss her, I really want to, but oh god it's not... fair?  I don't mean that.  Of course it's not fair, there's a cute girl in my room who says that she's my guardian angel and wants to kiss me, this is not fair in any way, this is the most super thing ever, but I'm so scared, so so scared.  I don't know how to kiss her like I want to.  I want to kiss her like the people in the movies, but I don't know how, I've never done this before, she didn't want to kiss me, all she wanted was what I could do for her stupid little pleasure gland.  Don't think about her.  With this girl here, wanting to kiss me, it just makes me feel sick.  I want to kiss her, she looks so scared.  God I want this.

     "Okay." I sit next to her on the bed and look at her. Fear grips my stomach.  I can't move, I  I put my hand on hers and I lean in.  There's bright sparkly light and she's gone.  What?  What happened, was I imagining her, was I imagining things? But I felt her hand under mine.  Then I turn around.  She's standing near the dresser, mortified in embarrassment.

     "Sorry, I was just

     "Scared.  I walk over to her.  "You wanted me to kiss you.

     "But I didn't think you were going to.

     "I haven't yet.  Do you really want to?

     She looks at me, begging, "yes.

     I step forward and take both her hands.  I'm a bit shorter than her.  She's clenching my hands really tightly.  I really want to kiss her.  I stand on my toes and lean in to press my lips against hers.  A second or two later I pull away and look at her.  "It would help if you kissed me back.

     The blush is returning.  I pull her over to the bed and we sit down again, then I slide closer to her and get up on my knees.

     "Come on.  I whisper, and take her lips again.  Lightning plunges through my stomach.  It feels like fear.  She's kissing me back.  It's terrifying, but she's really kissing me back.

     This is crazy, so amazing, so freaking super killer mad dude yes!  We break apart and she glances away, blushing, too embarrassed to start again.  I flop backwards onto the bed.

     "Wow." I let it out.  She stares at me, and then she's grinning.  She lies down next to me and I stare at her seriously.  "You won't ever hurt me, will you?" I ask.

     "Never," she replies, and I know she means it with every ounce of her soul.

     The days blaze by far too quickly after that, we spend ages just lying on the bed and talking, telling each other everything about our lives.  At night she sleeps curled up in my arms.  In the mornings when I'm supposed to be at school we go walking around the city, hanging out and having fun.  I had never been happy like this, never felt this way like the world didn't matter, like nothing could go wrong, nothing split us apart.  But then came Saturday when the young man with wild eyes orbed into my room when we were making out.

     "Mackie!  They're coming for you.  They said you endangered her, endangered their plans, they're going to get rid of you.

     "I'll fight," she said.

     "I'll fight with you.

     "You can't fight!  You'll end up dead.  There's no choice here, you have to run.

     I clench her hand.  I don't want to let her go, but

     "They're coming so soon.

     "Where do I run to, Leo?  How do I get away?

     Leo turned to me, "your powers, you're not supposed to have them yet, but they're in you.  God, how many rules am I breaking by telling you this?  But one of your powers is over time, if you can knock her out of the time stream they won't be able to trace her.

     "How?  How do I do it?

     "God, I don't know, I have no idea, but you have to, they're coming, they're almost here.  He orbs out.

     I turn to Mackie and grabbing her shoulders press my lips against hers, then suddenly I shove her with everything inside and out, she stumbles backwards and flickers weirdly, then she looks slightly upward, like she's feeling something.  She steps forward and kisses me and I feel endless, I'm kissing her one thousand different times and more.  She steps back and she's gone, the purple lights fade.  My room seems to explode with men in black cloaks, one touches my head and everything goes black.

     I glance up at Makhi.  She bites her lip; I just look at her.

     "When did you start spelling your name funny?

     Everything drops away.  I'm in her arms again and everything is all right.

Continue to Chapter 51

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