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Ava, Chapter 42: Maria

Reply to Alsike

Posted to June 27, 2004

     Everything, in the past three years, that I have done, I have done for Liz.  Don't question me on this; I can prove it.  Everything was about looking out for her.  Everything was about keeping her in my life, and now she left me!  Sure Michael, Michael, what ever.  Liz was running out of my life and I was doing everything I could to keep her back in.  there was no way, not one way she was going to leave without me.  So I ran after her, leeched on to Michael and the alien conspiracy, and she was still pulling away from me.  I wanted to be home again.  I wanted to move on with my life, to become a singer, to stop running and being afraid.  But it didn't feel like Liz was even there.  It was like she was a husk, lost inside her own head.  Michael didn't want me to come.  He was finally going to break away.  He spent all his time with Max, but I didn't care.  I wanted my old Liz back, but the only one who looked at me or gave one damn about me was, of all people, Isabel.  I mean we had had a good hate/fear thing going before hand, but now, I was a wreck.  I didn't know what was up with Liz, and I missed my mom, and I wanted to go home, so badly, and she was just there, always with arms open, ready to hold me, and look out for me, and take care of me, and it was kind of creepy.  Eventually I figured out that she had a thing for me and I stopped worrying about it.  it was nice to have someone who liked you, who cared about you, just a bit.  And she's Isabel, so she's not going to make a move on me.  Not that I'd entirely mind, but it would complicate things, and I really don't need anymore complications right now.

     Right now, I need to focus.  I can't worry about my mom, who's missing me.  I can't worry about Is who starts breathing funny if I put my hands in the wrong place.  And I can't let myself believe that Liz left because she hates me right now.  I have to know that I am right, that Liz would never desert me among these things, and that she's not acting of her own free will.  Tess has mindwarped her, and it is my job, my duty, my calling, to save her.

     In Roswell at night you can see all the stars out in the desert there are thousands.  There are even more now because the military base is entirely gone.  I look up and I watch Isabel looking up and I wonder if I would have been taken to Antar, and I wonder if this side trip is pointless and Isabel is in on the plan and they're going to drag me there and have their fun with me, and sometimes I think I'm a little paranoid, but then of course I remember Tess and the feds and I don't feel entirely unjustified in my paranoia.  I try not to remember Alex.  I have to focus.  I'm doing this for Liz, and if I die it will be worth it, wont it?  I'm not thinking about that.  I'm just hoping that I can trust Isabel, because if I can't I am dead.  So I've just got to trust her, and pray to whatever's out there that she actually is on my side.

     There's only one way in to the UFO center so we go in before it closes and then hang around until we see Brody go out to start to close up.  Then we head downstairs.  I tell Is to take the disguise off of me, that if we're caught our best chance is to plead dangerous alien and friend in need.  She says he's not Larek anymore.  But he trusted me once, and mindwarping wears off.  I'm going through his drawers, to find that triangle thing he had when he held us hostage.  Isabel opens the locks for me and keeps watch.  Then I find it, and then Brody comes down the stairs.

     "Who are you?  What are you doing down here?

     "It's me, Maria.  I smile hopefully.

     "You, you left, what are you doing in here?

     I, I, what do I say, "I want you to take a message to my mom, tell her that I'm all right and that I love her.

     "Why won't you tell her yourself?

     "Don't you know?

     "But the feds are gone, every last one of them.  They had all come here to hunt for aliens and their camp blew up, a faulty propane tank or something.  The only one who survived said that there was never any evidence, and it was a total pipe dream,

     I stare at him.  Tess.  It had to have been Tess, but then came the worst thought.  It's safe to go home.

     "He wouldn't listen to me when I told him that I'd been abducted by aliens twice.

     And then I realized that I hadn't been running from anything.  Maybe everyone else had, but in my running after Liz all I was running away from was my dreams.  I had been running because I was afraid to grow up.  I wanted someone else to make all the decisions for me.  I didn't want to take my destiny in my own hands.  I realized that I didn't want to come home.  I wanted to go forward.  But first I had to save Liz.  So I told Brody that I would go see my mom and we left with the triangle thing.  And I promised that I wouldn't come back until I had an album.

Continue to Chapter 43

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