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Ava, Chapter 18: Piper

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Posted to June 27, 2004

     Why am I such a bitch?  I tore Phoebe up all the way home and she went into her room and cried all night.  Since Paige and that girl were making other sorts of moaning noises I didn’t get to sleep for hours.  Leo was probably on another continent.  I’m used to sleeping alone, but not while my two sisters’ relationships are deteriorating under the same roof.  I never knew Paige could be so loud.  Her girl only shudders a little occasionally, but whenever Paige lets one out, Phoebe starts sobbing again, even louder than before.  I thought I was never going to get to sleep.  Finally I put on my headphones and listened to some random eighties rock Leo had lying around.  I couldn’t stop myself thinking about things though, about, that girl, in the bar.  I don’t know her name, but I can see her perfectly.  I mixed memories, slipping her face over the one that hurt so much.  High school is the worst time of your life.  Luckily it never spread beyond my grade.  Phoebe never found out, Prue had already graduated.  I knew it was never going to be anything, but at very least I thought it would be a secret.  I thought she would be too embarrassed to tell anyone, but I forgot how these girls can lie, how well they work the grapevine.  And I became the weirdo dyke girl, but they didn’t know that I was the weirdo dyke girl who had the taste of one of the most popular girls on her lips.  Sometimes I can’t even believe that I had her, but I did, not even her boyfriend could say that.  But I never said it, I was too kind, too naïve.  At graduation she apologized, and thanked me.  She said she thought I was going to use it on her, so she just wanted to beat me to it.  She never knew me, but maybe she knew what I would turn into: a bitch like her.

     I thought about that girl with short black hair who smiled like she knew me, like she liked me, who could laugh like the world was her joke and then who could talk seriously about intimate things that I couldn’t even share with my husband.  Then I looked at the clock.  It was almost two o’clock.  I got up.  I got dressed, tight pants-cropped shirt.  I didn’t know what I was doing.  She wasn’t going to be there at this hour, just whenever I felt like going.  I almost got undressed again, but I would just go see.  Check up on my club.  I drove, almost turning back twice, but I got there, and my eyes found her, dancing.  She was so gorgeous, and it was like she sensed me, she felt me, and she pulled me onto the dance floor.  We danced and drank and talked until six.  I said I had to go, and she walked me out to the car.  Then she kissed me, and walked away.  I could barely make it home.

     When I got home I went straight to bed, still in my clothes, and I was awoken three hours later by a few angry words from the next room.

Continue to Chapter 19

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