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Ava, Chapter 14: Piper

Reply to Alsike

Posted to June 27, 2004

     How can she do this?  Oh I’m so happy; I’m in love.  I have a girlfriend.  What’s wrong with that?  Is it that easy for you?  Oh I have a little blonde harlot all over me, isn’t she cute?  Haven’t you ever been afraid?  Leo’s safe.  There’re some things you try once and then know better.  I tried girls once.  I know better.  They’re dangerous and familiar, kind yet untrustworthy.  That’s what I liked about them.  I always enjoyed a challenge.  She was my first defeat.

     Leo’s safe.  I love him, but he’s safe, and that’s the problem.  He’s so safe and nice that he can’t understand that I like the danger.  He’d never understand if he knew that I sometimes imagine soft flesh against mine, but I’d never tell him.  I’d never tell anyone.  I told her, I told her everything, and I learned.  You never open up.  Always be hard and you’ll always be safe.  Everyone will betray you in time, so never tell your secrets, that’s just betraying yourself.  No one has too know that I watch girls dancing at P3, no one has to know that there’s one girl I flirt with, but don’t even know her name, no one has to know that I got used by a girl in high school.  I’m married now.  That’s all the public needs to know.  That’s all Leo needs to know.

     What I need to know is how much this girl knows and how soon we can get rid of her.  No matter how much Paige likes her she isn’t one of us, and she doesn’t know what it’s like to hide something all the time.

     Also Phoebe decides this is a good time to introduce me to an old friend from New York, whom she never told me about, tell her everything, and inform me that she is being hunted by a party of warlocks.  Is there no rest for the wicked?  At least she found someone semi-normal, discreet, friendly, a lost witch, not a pierced up slut with boots and a victim complex.  At least Phoebe has the grace to pretend that they’re just friends though I could read their hot tense auras a mile away.  The weird slut-boots girl doesn’t even have an aura, even stranger.  Paige is madly infatuated with her.  This isn’t going to be good.  Let’s see… they sleep together, they have a fight, slut-girl walks out; Paige chases and finds her messing around with someone else.  Let’s see how close it follows.

     “All right.  I need a way to deliver multiple doses of vanquishing potion quickly.  It will eat through anything that’s not glass or rock or enchanted to resist.  Paige, you said you wanted that one?”

     “We can do it.”

     “Be my guest.” She got up whispering with that little harlot who was nodding and looking nervous.  Good, she bothers me.  She’s the kind of girl who would like it when you beat her and then beg for more.  Paige doesn’t see that; she’ll just kill her with kindness, she doesn’t have it in her to treat her like she wants to be treated.  She’s like Leo, sweet and safe.  She tries to be bad, but she’s not, she doesn’t have the fire inside her.  It’s something about those white-lighters, so pure, so kind, they don’t understand the screaming emptiness inside that makes you want your lover to beat you into a pulp just to feel that they’re there, that they’re real, so you can feel the love.

     God, I sound like a masochist, but sometimes hurting makes you remember you’re alive.

     Leo would never understand.  Paige would be horrified.  Phoebe just doesn’t understand what it feels like to be shut off.  Prue might have understood.  That girl at the bar knows exactly what I’m talking about.

     I don’t know her; she doesn’t know me.  It’s easy to tell the truth to a stranger.  Once I know her name I’ll probably never speak to her again.  I don’t trust people that I know.  I shouldn’t trust anyone, but it’s so much easier if you can tell someone.

     Oh Goddess, it’s a perfect pump made out of pure glass.  There’s something different about this girl.

Continue to Chapter 15

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