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New Beginnings, Chapter 18

Reply to Alex Parrish

Posted to the RoswellSlash mailing list October 6, 2003

Part: 18/19 "New Beginnings"
Author: Alex Parrish
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Katims, Metz and the WB. No infringement is intended. I own nothing, Trust me. Suing is futile!
Paring: M/K
Feedback: Please
Distribution: Roswell Slash Archive/Others Ask
Rating: X? Explicit sex and language
Spoilers: Nothing in particular and seasons 1,2,3 in general
Thanks: To aunty_mib, Beta extraodinaire, eh!
Summary/General: The lives of the 7 primary characters for 9 months after they leave season 3.
Summary/Chapter: The changes in Kyle continue and tough decisions must be made.

Once More With Feeling

      Two hours. Two hours at the speed of light, or perhaps, even faster. Two hours via subspace conduit. Hell, I don't even know what a subspace conduit is, but I guess it's supposed to make space travel faster. How far away does Antar have to be to require a message traveling faster than the speed of light through a subspace conduit to take two hours to reach Earth?

      When I was really young, maybe 4 or 5, before Mom ditched us, Mom and Dad took me all the way to Disneyland in California. I remember thinking that this must be just about as far away from Roswell as anyone could get. As I grew, 'far away' became farther each day, even though I never traveled all that far. In fact, until I hit the road with the Pod Squad, I had never been east of the Mississippi River. Last summer, we traveled more than 50,000 miles; we averaged over 500 miles a day -- averaged! That means we traveled much farther on some days to make up for the days we didn't. I thought I never wanted to travel again. Now we were contemplating traveling farther than any known human had ever traveled.

      I had to stop and ask myself if I had, after all, inherited my Grandfather's madness. I never thought that much about it before this year. Dad used to worry a little bit about whether it was hereditary, but I just never worried about it until now. I wondered if, any moment now, a nurse would be calling my name; "Kyle, Kyle, wake up! It's going to be OK. Were going to medicate you and you won't think you're turning into an alien anymore." If this happened to me, even once, I'm sure I would believe it. It would take very little to convince me that I am, indeed, insane, and safely restrained in a mental hospital. If I trusted all that I believed before that fateful day; the day when I took one of Dad's guns to try to save him; the day I felt a sharp, hot, warm sensation in my chest and found that I couldn't stand anymore; the day I woke up with Max Evans' face inches from mine, and his hands on my body; If I trusted all that -- I would have myself committed. If I trusted all that I knew B.E., that is, 'Before Evans' I would convince myself that a daily dose of Thorazine would restore me to a normal life. That's all I thought I wanted -- a normal life.

      But there didn't seem to be any one trying to wake me. I didn't seem to be drifting in and out of reality. My only option was to accept for reality this life I had constructed with the man I love, and the little family we gathered around us. Insanity would be the easy way out, but it didn't seem to be an option. This was going to be my reality, and the crowning achievement of our plan of escape from our enemies was a trip to Antar. Take a left at the Milky Way and it's 4 stars on the left. Well, I don't doubt that we'll be safe from the FBI and the MIB there, at least.

      These thoughts aside, I was actually rather calm. My stomach had not revolted against this latest news -- the news that I am to be commissioned as Avatar to the Sacred Granolith of Antar in less than two short Earth hours. Perhaps the first blast of alien power had changed my body sufficiently to eliminate my usual stomach problems. Perhaps it was that Max and Liz, Michael and Maria, Jesse and Isabel had not permitted me a moment of solitude. Perhaps it was that Max had latched onto my hand and simply would not let go. Whatever, I was actually rather calm.

      Most likely, it was that first blast of alien power. When I woke, I found myself overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I instantly knew, and I felt a great serenity enveloping my mind. I wish I could convey to you -- to the others here, the sense of serenity, and safety, and, yes, destiny I felt from the Granolith. I especially wish I could share it with Max. I don't need to read his thoughts to know how troubled he is. It suddenly occurs to me, that this is exactly the job I have been created for. I will spend the rest of my life trying to share this peace and serenity with the King, and with all the beings who will look to me for spiritual leadership. Far-fucking-out!

      Larek told us that the reason for our return to Antar was to return a sense of humanity to their peoples. The Buddha, long ago, gave us this challenge, "Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity." Service and compassion? I guess that's not very far at all from the motto which is our family's legacy, grandfather to father, father to son; "To Serve and Protect." It never before crossed my mind that my Dad's life's work was all about renewing humanity. I guess the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree, after all.

      "What can we do to help you?" A unexpected question coming from Michael.

      "Thanks, Michael, but I don't think there is really anything you can do. My understanding is that this all takes place just between the Granolith and me. I guess all you can do is watch."

      "You don't have to do this. We can still run." Max said it, but I don't think he believed it.

      Larek had pointed out the flaw in this already when he said " You ARE the Avatar, whether this fits with your plans or not. You can choose to run from it, or ignore it, or deny it, but you cannot change it. It is now a part of you -- it is who you are."

      I chose to answer Max with a kiss -- I'll use any excuse to kiss Max.

      "We'll be right here, standing with you" Isabel assured me.

      "I know. I know you will. That means a lot to be, believe me."

      As we watched the time slip away we comforted each other's nerves with small-talk; talk about sports, food, TV, movies we wished we could see, anything at all except what was about to happen.

      Finally it was time. I knew what to do. It wasn't instinct, it was knowledge. I actually knew what the Granolith required of me. I maintained my last gesture of modesty by going to my room -- Max insisted on going with me -- and disrobing. Completely. It was necessary. Max wrapped me in a blanket for my trip down the stairs and out the massive oak door into the freezing cold. I waited while Max slipped-on a warm coat. The rest of the group, even Albert, gathered at the side-lights of the door and at the closest windows to watch from inside. I took a place about 30 feet from the porch and stood looking skyward. Max stood about 10 feet away, to my right, also scanning the heavens. Someone in the lodge put out all the lights there, and since we are so far from civilization, the sky was ablaze with stars and planets. I wondered, which five are mine?

      In less than a minute, a laser-like purple beam of light descended, missing me by a few feet, circled me a bit and then focused on me, and I on it. I dropped the blanket. Suddenly there was a purple column of light about 6 feet wide which enveloped me. I was no longer on Earth. I seemed to be floating in a sea of warm liquid, spinning, cartwheeling and tumbling end-over-end. It was like being in one of those multi-pivot exercise machines you see at the fair, where you move in every possible direction, but I was doing it in this sea of light. My head filled with a sound, somewhat like the white-noise I experienced before I learned to control it, except that, this time, all the voices were singing; a billion voices singing a billion songs and I could hear each one distinctly. I smelled incense and cinnamon and vinegar. I don't know whether my eyes were open or closed, but it didn't seem to matter. The color I saw was a purple so deep I could taste it and a white so pure I could feel it vibrating. I was relaxed and so at peace -- I could have just stayed in that state forever, but suddenly, I felt a fire in my lungs which spread through my stomach to my legs and through my chest to my arms and through my neck to my head. It seemed like my insides were being burned out of me and I tried to scream, but nothing came out. The pain was not just a sensation, it was alive, and bent on ripping my brain through my nose. I would have prayed for death, but just couldn't -- I was totally overpowered by the excruciating pain. Then, just as suddenly as it began, the pain was gone, and I was enveloped in a cool, smooth lotion, sweet-smelling and palliative. When the lotion had soothed all of me, inside and out, removing the burning and the stinging of the flames, it simply evaporated.

      I woke on my back in the snow, with Max calling my name. I wasn't cold at all, simply because I willed it so. I knew who I was. I knew where I was. And, best of all, I knew why.

      Max wrapped the blanket around me as he led me back into the Lodge, even though I no longer felt any need for modesty. I knew how beautiful I am; not through any sense of vanity, merely as a fact.

      We went to the Great Room, in front of the stone fireplace, and everyone pulled up a chair to form a circle. They were anxious to tell me what they saw, and to hear what I experienced. I let them describe what they saw to me, not mentioning the fact that I already knew.

      They saw the beam. They saw it explode into a column. The saw me actually levitate inside the beam. They saw me spin and cartwheel and tumble. They heard a distinct 'pop' and then they could actually see through me, see my bones, like an x-ray and all my white hair standing straight out and glowing like a human glass-fiber lamp. They didn't know about the flames. They didn't know about the lotion. They saw me settle gently to the ground on my back. That's all they saw. I was a little sorry that was all they could see -- it was all so beautiful, even the flames were beautiful. Tonight was not the night to tell them what I felt. Tonight was for joy and rest.

      Finally, Max asked the question which was on all their minds. "Are you ... the Avatar?"

      "I am." I announced it with a quiet confidence, and without the slightest bit of doubt in my mind. "and YOU ARE the King." I turned to the whole group and added "and we will be leaving for Antar within the week."

      Every one had questions. Who, when, what, where, why?

      Well, the 'who' and the 'why' were pretty easy to answer. 'Who' is all of us. 'Why', well, take your pick; we're in danger on Earth, The Antarian Federation needs us, it's our Destiny, the job security is pretty good and the benefits can't be beat. The 'what' is a little less mundane; we're talking about a genuine, honest-to-god space-fucking-ship! You know, -- one of those juggernaughts that the U.S. Government swears doesn't exist. 'Where' is right here at the lodge. I can't explain the technical details to you (or I'd have to kill you) but apparently it's no big deal just to pick us up here. That leaves 'when.' It seems the answer to that is up to us.

      "Wha'd'ya mean, it's up to us?" Michael asked. "I thought it was like, a three week trip to Antar in a spaceship?"

      "It is." I answered. "The council apparently anticipated that we would agree to return to Antar, or at least thought there was a good chance. There's been a spacecraft idling on the dark side of Earth's moon since Larek's first meeting with us. It was all set-up in advance. We can decide when we're ready, and then call the Antarian cab company."

      "Cool. That's convenient"

      "Or, at least efficient." Max added. "Maybe a little too efficient."

      "I'll admit it could seem a little suspicious, but, I can assure you, the ship was prepared to depart without us, if that had been our decision." For a change, I could speak confidently about the Antarians. It felt good; powerful, but at the same time, secure -- unthreatened, but somewhere in the back of my mind, there was a very weak, but persistent and nagging thought bouncing around, searching, probing, trying to find how much, if any, of Kyle Valenti was left. It wasn't strong enough to push itself into my conscious mind, but, a little piece of my mind still knew that it was there, like a single grain of sand trapped in my sock.

      "I keep forgetting that you know..., I don't know..., all this stuff, like, everything. Do you know everything?' Michael asked.

      I was tempted to laugh at his naivet», but I realized that his question was serious -- in earnest -- he actually didn't know the answer. This is going to be hard. It's going to be hard, having access to such a vast store of knowledge in my own brain, not to mention the resources of the Sacred Granolith, but needing to take into account the limited knowledge of those around me. "No, Michael, I don't know everything and neither does the Sacred Granolith, but I do have access to..., well..., more knowledge than I can even describe to you." I hoped that didn't sound like I felt he was just an inferior human. Like I said, this is going to be hard. Real hard.

      I knew that there were about a thousand questions bouncing around in the minds of my little family, but, my body had been put through so much today, it just needed rest. "I'm really exhausted, and this has been a hell-of-a strain on all of you too, Why don't we sleep on it for now, and start fresh in the morning?"

      No one objected (although I could tell that Albert was disappointed.)

      I turned to Liz -- it should have been her night with Max -- and began to ask, "Liz I know that tonight is your..."

      She finished my thought, "My night with Max. Kyle, I'm sure you really need him to be with you tonight, I mean -- if that's what you want -- I don't want to make you do something you don't want to..., I mean, whatever you want or need to..., I..., I...," She sighed "Just tell me what you want."

      I got up, pulling my blanket tightly around me, and moved in front of her chair, kneeling in front of her, and taking both her hands in mine. "Liz, what I want -- what I NEED, is for you to understand that I am still Kyle, still your friend, that I still love you. I know that you are freaked-out and frightened by the changes in my mind and body -- your not alone in that; all of us are, including me, but I promise you, I'm still Kyle."

      Something in that promise didn't ring true to that little 'grain of sand in my mind's sock,' but despite that, I knew that was what everyone NEEDED to hear right then. There would be time, lots and lots of time, later on to explore our differences. Tonight, they needed to know that we are still the same, even if I wasn't really certain of that.

      I kissed her hand, then her forehead as I rose. Max gave her a sweet goodnight kiss, and then followed me toward the stairs. No one else moved. I took a couple of stairs, then turned around and said "Goodnight" to the rest of the group. No one moved. At that moment I realized that, after the time spent talking to me, they were going to need some time to talk ABOUT me. I considered asking Max if he wanted to stay with the group, but immediately dismissed the idea. Tonight, my need would take precedence. I had the prospect of several hundred years of putting 'other's needs' in front of 'my needs' spread in front of me; tonight was mine alone, and if I had only one night of my own, I was going to spend it with Max.

      We went about our bedtime rituals as usual. Max brushes and flosses and uses a gum stimulator _every_ night, and then again, after breakfast, and sometimes after other meals when he can. Maybe you do too, and if you do -- more power to you, but I wondered to myself if he would be able to get dental floss and Stim-u-dents∆ on Antar. Tonight I knew the answer. He won't need to. He'll get an inoculation that will make his teeth immune to bacteria, use a mouthwash that removes 100% of the plaque, and could even have a missing tooth re-grown, then implanted if he needed to, which, of course he doesn't because of his time-consuming nightly ritual which, tonight, was trying my patience.

      When he finally came to bed, he found me still naked.

      "Aren't you going to be cold?" he asked.

      "Nope, and you won't be either if you'll just let me warm you."

      "Well, I know you make me hot, but can you really keep me from freezing at three in the morning?"


      He stripped off his PJs and climbed in.

      He pulled back after the first kiss. "Wow! Is that what it feels like to kiss an Alien? I never knew. I didn't get that kind of a buzz from kissing Tess."

      I chuckled. "That's because she was a 'she' and I am a MAN."

      "You're joking?"

      "Of course. You could always tell before when I'm joking. I haven't changed all that much."

      "I know that. It's just that..., I don't know, maybe you HAVE."

      "You're right." I admitted. "I've changed in a hundred ways I haven't even discovered yet, but there's one thing that will never change..."

      "I know." He brought his lips to mine again.

      "It has to do with power levels."

      "Huh? What does?" he asked.

      "The buzz. Before...I changed, when we kissed, your body naturally sensed a lower neuralgenic power level in my body and passed power through the kiss. That's why it didn't happen with Tess; she was about the same power level as you."

      "And now, you have more power than me?"

      "For the moment. That will change."

      "Too bad. I liked feeling it."

      "So did I. Note to self; Ask the Granolith about kissing."

      We both chuckled. There was no more chat.

      I took the lead, climbing on top of him and began to explore every inch of his body with my tongue, ever so slowly as he just lay still and softly moaned. His skin was salty and, his body fragrant and rich-smelling and I inhaled deeply trying to fix it permanently in my memory. My lips gently caressed his eyelids, and slid over a beautiful cheek, just beginning to scratch my tongue from the day's growth. His neck is so long and graceful I could have spent the night just caressing it, but my mouth ached for the feel of his lips and I returned to them and kissed him so deeply he nearly cried-out, while my hands greedily furrowed through handfuls of thick raven hair. I felt out-of-control as though I was trying to make-up for years of denied kisses in a single effort. He was responding in kind. Finally, our lips parted and I moved lower to trace the deep, wide collarbone, first the right, then the left. As my tongue found the center again and slid down the chute between his pectorals, my hands slid down, passing by the ears, for the moment and traced the outline where that graceful neck meets the shoulders, broad and muscular burrowing into the bed to arch his back in pleasure, his hips rising to press his throbbing cock into my chest. I could feel that it was already slippery with pre-cum. My hands moved downward to those rock-hard pecs and it took a nipple in each, flicking them ever-so-gently as my tongue found his navel and my nose played in the furrows of his washboard stomach...

      ...I can't write this -- I'm getting excited again, just remembering and describing it, and time is so very short -- it is more important to tell what happened next -- why time is short -- why you're reading this journal instead of hearing me tell the story in person (Gods, I wish I could just see you one more time.) Let me just say that, as incredible as sex between a half-alien and a human seemed to me before, the sex between and Alien (me) and a half-human was that wonderful and more by a factor of ten.

      We slept in each other's arms, his quiet snore reassuring me.

      It was a little after dawn when my bedroom door burst open and Albert shouted, "Wake up spaceman. Something's wrong. Wake up!"

Continue to Chapter 19

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