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Tess POV on Isabel
Reply to AlexEvans or visit his websitePosted to the RoswellSlash mailing list February 16, 2003
Title: Tess POV on Isabel
Setting: After "Skin and Bones" (episode 201)
Disclaimer: If they were mine things would have gone so much better.
Isabel was the first real friend I ever had. It wasn't just that we were the only two female teenage Alien-human hybrids on the planet. Oh, that became part of it. But she became my friend before we had any idea how much we had in common. I was so happy when her taste for sweet and spicy made me suspect she was who I'd been looking for.
It was never about getting close to Max through her. Never.
Right from the start I treasured but wasn't content with our friendship. That's why I did everything I could to separate her from Alex.
Liz hated me, because she couldn't hate Max. Alex should have hated me, but somehow never did. He was always nice. He made me feel so guilty sometimes. He looks at Isabel the same way I do. Maybe that's why he understands me, despite the barriers of species and gender. We could be friends if we didn't love the same woman.
It must be nice to have friends.
I messed things up. Maybe it was the way I chased after her brother. I had to! Max is my destiny, my husband, not my choice. Maybe it was that. Maybe it was that I Mindwarped Max into kissing me. Maybe she finally got mad at how I kept interrupting her and Alex. I'd hate to think it was her discovery that I'm Alien like her that drove a wedge between us.
Maybe it was all of that.
Or maybe it was the kiss that started making things weird between us. It just happened, kneeling over those sugar cubes. Isabel was so close to me, her lips so close to mine... I didn't plan on it, didn't think about it, it just happened. I had to kiss her.
Isabel liked it too, I could tell, and she did kiss me back... but then she pretended it had never happened. Did she think it was all in her head, a Mindwarp?
Maybe it was the way I scared her inside the Special Unit base. I shouldn't have done that. I had some vague notion that if she were scared she'd move closer to me, need me, maybe even hold my hand. After all, I'd made sure that Alex ‚ all of the humans ‚ had been left behind.
Maybe lots of things. All I know for sure is that I'm alone now, and it's all my fault. Isabel is with Alex, maybe that was inevitable, but I could have had both as my friends if I hadn't been so stupid.
Nasedo is dead now. I told him he isn't my family. I was wrong. He protected me like a father would have. Even when he was gone, it was to deceive and mislead the Special Unit and protect me (and the others).
Max will never be mine. I don't want him anyway. He's nothing like what I imagined. Besides, Nasedo is dead, who's going to make me choose destiny? Liz? She can act all holier-than-thou all she wants, but I know she's just testing Max, playing games.
I wish Liz and Alex... I've placed enough daydreams into that stupid brunette head. Same with Maria. And I've tried getting Alex to think along both those lines as well, so Isabel could be mine. Nothing works.
If I hadn't messed everything up, Isabel would be mine. At least my friend. She'd have come home with me after that secret little memorial ceremony we held (nothing to bury, so it wasn't a funeral). She'd have stayed here to make sure I was okay. She'd have held me in her arms and I'd finally have been able to cry.
When I woke up from nightmare after nightmare about Nasedo appearing with that hole where his heart should be, I wouldn't have been alone. She'd have held me until I could fall back asleep.
If Isabel were here I wouldn't be hiding under my bed like a little kid, imagining every sound that I hear, every noise in the night, is the sound of Skins or Mendars approaching. Every car passing by is the sound of the FBI arriving to storm the house. I'd feel the 17 that I look, not less than the 13 years that have passed since I hatched.
The floorboards creak again. I jump, and hit my head on my bed. Then I'm out from under, out the window, running for my car, not caring I'm still in my pajamas. I drive to the Evans, knock on her window. If Michael can do it why can't I?
She welcomes me in. All I ask for is a piece of her floor, just for the night, but Isabel moves over, lets me lie down next to her in her bed, wraps the covers and her arms around me.
She's Alex's, but I'm hers. That's enough for me, and finally I can sleep without nightmares.
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