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Fangst for the Memories

Reply to Alerion

Posted to the RoswellSlash mailing list July 7, 2001

Title: Fangst for the memories
Author: Alerion
Rating: Sorry, I am really not familiar enough with the US rating system. [Archivist's note: I'd say PG-13]
Disclaimer: Any resemblance between these characters and any other characters past, present or to come is entirely in the eye of the beholder. I am poor. I live in another hemisphere. I have read Falwell v Hustler Magazone.
Category: other
Disclaimer: Any resemblance between these characters and any other characters past, present or to come is entirely in the eye of the beholder. I am poor. I live in another hemisphere. Bringing out the politics in the Momogram involved adding/changing less than 10 words.
Distribution: I am game if you are.

[Archivist's note: This will be easier to follow if you've already seen Destiny (the season one finale), End of the World, and Departure (the season two finale).]

The scene is Liz' extremely crowded bathroom where 3 Future Maxes, a Future Liz, and a Future Tess are all arguing the merits of their respective timelines and insisting that Present Liz do what they want.

PRESENT LIZ: (to Future Characters) But I've already broken up with Max 17 times in this ep alone!

The toilet flushes. All tap their fingers furiously.

OLD MAN WITH LONG BEARD: I am the ghost of Christmas Present


OLD MAN WITH LONG BEARD: Sorry, wrong timeline.


The toilet flushes. All tap their fingers furiously.

Enter Future Kyle, bearded and heavily pregnant.

ALL: Kyle, what happened to you?

FUTURE KYLE: He did (points at Future Max 3) I had to spend months pretending to be Iranian and getting round in a black veil down to my ankles. Then you people shift the timelines again and he poofs on me. Now I can't get my molecular structure back to normal. I'll have to run away and join the circus.

FUTURE MAX 3: Did not, it was Future Max 2.

PRESENT KYLE: (from other room) Liz, I can hear lots of people talking in there. Who is pregnant?

FUTURE TESS: Just chill, Buddha Boy.

PRESENT KYLE: Liz, is everything okay?

PRESENT LIZ: It's okay, I'll be done in a second.

PRESENT MAX: (From outside with the band) With what, the pregnancy? No, I'm coming in.

FUTURE MAX 1, 2 AND 3: No, don't it will rip another one in the fabric of space and time.

The toilet flushes. All tap their fingers furiously.

Enter Commander Riker

FUTURE RIKER: I am here to add some thoughtful sci fi elements instead of all this teen angst. Now what are you people doing? This is my story!

FUTURE KYLE: Well who worked teen pregnancies into the story in the first place, huh? I thought Max was just lengthening my, uh...

FUTURE MAX 1: It was meant to be a surprise. You always wanted children.

FUTURE KYLE: Yeah, right. You try jalapeño cravings for 6 weeks.

ALL MAXES: We make our own cravings, Kyle.

FUTURE KYLE: Sure. And you just had to leave me barefoot and pregnant in Albuqerque, right?

MARIACHI BAND: (from outside) When do we get paid, Little Gringo Man?

FUTURE MAX 2: We make our own destinies, Kyle.

PRESENT LIZ: Kyle, I think you'd better come in here.

FUTURE CHARACTERS: No, if Present Kyle meets Future Kyle that will end everything. It's something to do with Nielsen mechanics.

PRESENT LIZ: If he wants to be with Max I am not leaving him in my bedroom in his boxers. Anyway what's the quantum probability that Pregnant Kyle and Present Kyle will disrupt each other's worldlines?

FUTURE MAX3: But what about my son?

FUTURE MAX 2: Actually he's my son not yours. Future Kyle's been double dating.

FUTURE MAX 3: (to Future Kyle) How could you? I was your destiny.

FUTURE KYLE: How was I supposed to tell you apart?

PRESENT LIZ: Speaking of telling you all apart, how many of you can crowd in here? I mean it's only a small bathroom.

The toilet flushes. All tap their fingers furiously.

Present Max enters. Future Max 1 covers his eyes. Future Max 2 covers his ears. Future Max 3 blows a kiss at Future Kyle and covers his mouth. All 4 turn into silver statues and disappear with a loud farting sound.

PRESENT LIZ: There go the ratings. Wow. I can breathe in here again.

FUTURE TESS: (places clothes peg on nose) Not for long you won't. I am getting a headache.

FUTURE KYLE: (glances down) Wish I had a headache when this happened.

Past Mum, Past Isabel, Past Liz, Past Max, Past Michael and Past Tess appear in the mirror.

PAST MUM: If you are seeing me now, it means that you are alive and well. I take this form because it will be familiar to you, and it will help you to understand what I am about to say. You have lived before. You perished in the conflict that enslaves our planet because the subject races are revolting but your essence was duplicated, cloned, and mixed with human genetic materials so that you might be recreated into human beings. My son, you were the beloved Fuhrer of our people. I have sent with you your young bride. My daughter, the man you were betrothed to, and your brother's second-in-command.

PAST ISABEL: Oh my god, Max. Our mother.

MARIACHI BAND: (from outside) What happened to the Little Gringo Man?

PAST MUM: (glaring at band) Our enemies have come to the Earth. You will know them only by the evil within and their unpleasant racial characteristics. Learn enough to use your skills, your knowledge, your leadership to combat the rebellion so that you can come back and free us to oppress the subject races once more. And that I may once again hold you both in my arms.

Ein Volk! Ein Planet! Ein Reich!

Oh, and remember kids, all humans are expendable, especially if they are loyal and trustworthy friends...

PAST ISABEL: Max, she's such a Nazi!

PAST LIZ: Um, how do you mix someone's spiritual essence into a clone?

PAST MICHAEL: Great people skills. Sorry Maximilien, I just don't see myself chanting Heil Max for the rest of my days.

PAST MAX: Hey, maybe we really do make our own destiny?

PAST TESS: I think I am going to mindwarp myself. This can't be happening!

FUTURE RIKER: But this is an insightful sci fi element!

FUTURE KYLE: Any chance of a like permanent mindwarp? I think my waters have broken...

PRESENT LIZ: I didn't know this plot was all done with mirrors.

FUTURE RIKER: Well it works for the special effects.

The toilet flushes. All tap their fingers furiously.

FUTURE FAN: Will you people quit already?

ALL: Who are you?

FUTURE FAN: I am the last Roswell fan and if you don't get your act together soon the Nielsen mechanics will poof me as well.

Continue to 'Fangst for the Memories 2: The Phantom Pregnancy'

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