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Higher Education, Part 3

Reply to Susan

Originally posted to Roswell Desert Skies in 2004


Angst warning!

One year later...

      Man my life is too damn complicated. Maria had been giving me a hard time for not dating so I finally let her set me up and now Kyle isn't talking to me. How was I supposed to know that Maria was going to set me up with Courtney, the teenage whore? As soon as I saw her standing in front of the ticket line at the movies I knew what Maria had done. She had set me up so I would get laid. It bothered her that I didn't seem to be interested in going out with girls. She even asked me outright if I was gay. What the hell was I supposed to say to that? No however I do like to fuck Kyle. Yeah I don't think that would convince her any. So I went out on the date and did what was expected of me. Did I enjoy it? Not really. Would I do it again? Hell no. What was I really supposed to do? By the time the movie was over everyone, and I mean everyone, knew I was out on a date with her. If I had just taken her home and kissed her on the cheek it would have been all over town in a matter of minutes that Michael Guerin was gay. And that is not true. Ok so I like to fuck Kyle. I am attracted to Kyle. But that is where it ends. I do not find myself looking at guys and wondering how tight his ass is or anything like that. It is just Kyle, like it is only Maria when it comes to girls. I'm a normal 18 old guy so it isn't like I have any problems fucking another girl I just don't want to. And with Kyle taking care of me I don't have to worry about getting sexually frustrated enough to do anyone else.

      I'll admit it is a little fucked up. I am in love with both of my best friends. You can't get much more complicated than that. Ok I guess you could since one is a girl and one is a guy and they are stepsiblings. Man it is screwed up.

      So anyhow, Kyle found out from Maria then she had set me up with Courtney and it only took one look for him to know I had gone where many men have gone before. Now two weeks later he was still pissed and not talking to him. I don't feel good about it but I wasn't willing two weeks ago to deal with the consequences of not doing the deed with her. Hell I'm still not. Like I said my life is too damn complicated.

~~~

      Michael closed his journal and stared at Kyle who was flipping channels on the remote practically at the speed of light. You could see his anger vibrating off of him from 10 feet away. He didn't know what to say to Kyle to make this better. He was just as pissed about the situation as Kyle was and probably more confused.

      "Kyle would you please stop flipping the channels and talk to me." Michael begged.

      "About what? There is nothing to talk about" Kyle said gruffly.

      "Listen Kyle. It wasn't my idea to go out with Courtney. Maria set it up. Did she happen to tell you why she set us up? She did it because she thinks I'm gay." Michael explained

      "And she would be wrong how?" Kyle asked bitterly

      "Kyle you know I'm not gay." After seeing the look Kyle gave him Michael continued. "It is just you damnit. I am not attracted to any other guys. I don't want to fuck any other guys and I certainly am not in love with any of guys." Michael said quickly.

      Kyle's eyes flew up when he heard Michael's declaration. In the past year they had been together they had only talked once about loving and caring for each other. The words had not been spoken verbally since. Kyle knew that he was in love with Michael but he had not been sure that the love Michael felt for him was the same, until today.

      "Are you really, Michael, in love with me?" Kyle asked softly

      Michael rolled his eyes. "Yes stupid. Didn't we already have this conversation months ago after you read my journal?"

      Kyle shook his head. "No you said you loved me. That you loved both me and Maria. You never said that you were in love with both of us."

      Michael walked over to Kyle's bed and sat down on the edge. He placed his hands on the side of Kyle's head forcing him to look into his eyes. "I'm in love with both of you. I love you." Michael said before bringing his lips against Kyle's for a tender kiss.

      Tears formed in Kyle's eyes. He had dreamed of hearing those words for months but now it felt like it was too late. He had made a decision that would change everything. He pulled his lips away from Michael's and blurted out, "I'm not going to University of New Mexico in fall with you. I'm going to Arizona State instead."

      Michael pulled away from Kyle like he had been hit. "What? I thought it was decided. We were going to room together. What the fuck happened?"

      "Whortney happened. I got so damn jealous that you slept with her and then I realized that if we went to college together it would only be worse. You didn't date here and I didn't blame you. Other than Liz and Maria there wasn't really anyone worth dating. But college would be different. I'm sure you will find somewhere there to go out with and I don't think I could handle seeing you with someone else. I know I couldn't. So I talked with the coach and he got me in with the Track coach at Arizona. It is a done deal." Kyle explained

      Michael stood and paced around the room. The plans the two of them had made together for the past year were ruined. It was too late for either of them to change their plans now. "Fuck Kyle. Graduation is next week and then we have what three months left before we go our separate ways." Michael said painfully

      Kyle saw the pain in Michael's face and heard it in his voice. He wished he could take it all back but what was done was done. "Two months actually, I have to be at school the first week in August for training."

      Michael gulped "Two months. Fuck Kyle."

      "I'm sorry Michael. I should have talked to you but god I was so mad. So hurt. I couldn't stand the thought of you with her. I mean I have always known you want to be with Maria but that is different. I could handle that. I couldn't handle you with someone else. Please understand. I had to do it." Kyle begged

      Michael walked out of the door, without even looking back, leaving Kyle to dwell on what could have been and what was to be.

      "I'm sorry." Kyle whispered to an empty room

****

Several hours later...

      It was quiet and the house was dark by the time Michael finally returned home. He had taken his bike and rode mile and mile into the desert to think about what had come of his life. Eight years ago he had been the only son to loving parents and his life had drastically changed in a blink of an eye. His parents had been killed in a car accident leaving him an orphan. Michael wouldn't have gotten through the pain of hearing of his parents' death or the funeral afterwards without the support of his two best friends. Neither one of them left his side for days. Maria made him eat and Kyle forced him to sleep. A month later the courts appointed custody of him to the Valenti's. Michael over heard the conversation Kyle had with his parents about him. He knew that Kyle had convinced them to take him in no matter what Kyle insisted upon. He had heard Kyle's emotional plea and it had endeared Michael to him forever. Years later their relationship changed from friendship to so much more. They were now lovers. Michael had felt like his heart was being ripped from his chest when Kyle said he wasn't going to school with him especially after his declaration of love. It felt like he had been betrayed.

      Hours later Michael finally realized where Kyle was coming from. He understood what Kyle was saying but it still didn't make it less painful. He was going to loose Kyle. His greatest fear was coming true. Maria was saying home and going to school, Kyle was going to Arizona and he was going to Las Cruces. They were all going to be apart for the first time. Michael had accepted that he was going to be away from Maria. He had accepted that long ago but he wasn't prepared to loose Kyle as well. He wasn't ready to loose them both. But somehow during his lonely ride he was able to come to grips with what had to be.

      Michael opened the door to their room quietly hoping not to wake Kyle. He felt guilty enough for walking out on him like earlier he didn't want to make his night any worse. He quietly moved to his bed removing his clothes along the way. He groaned, his muscles sore from the long ride, when his body stretched out on his bed.

      "Michael?" Kyle asked

      "Yeah it's me. Go back to sleep." Michael said

      "I'm sorry."

      Michael sighed "I know. It's ok. Go back to sleep we will talk tomorrow." He said rolling on his side away from Kyle.

      "I love you." Kyle whispered

      "I love you to." Michael admitted as he closed his eyes hoping for a peaceful nights sleep.

Continue to Chapter 4

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