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Beloved Unloved 9: Confession
Reply to DM or visit her websiteAdded to the Roswell Slash Archive June 30, 2002
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Metz, Katims and UPN. No infringement intended.
Summary: Michael tries to explain to his lovers. As always Michael POV.
School is shit. I hate it. I'm not coming anymore. I can't help it. Nobody is talking to me, except for Isabel, Alex and Kyle but I don't need to talk to them. Isabel keeps asking me what I did to Max but I can't answer her. We haven't told anyone. Being apart from them has made me realize how stupid I was being. I should have just talked to Max. He already understood. I just didn't realize it. SHIT!
So I have to resort to desperate acts. I corner him in the hallway and he won't look at me. He tries to push past me and I put my arms around him. "If you run away, I'll scream at the top of my lungs how much I love you."
He calms down. I don't know if he's scared I'll do it or if he's afraid to hear it. I've never said it to him before. He stares at me with those wounded eyes. "What do you want, Michael? I thought you'd be off fucking Maria."
"Can I explain?" He doesn't want to hear it but something is keeping him there. He leans on a locker to keep from touching me and I rush ahead. "I was weirded out. Okay? We... made love and I didn't know how I felt about it. Okay? It's one thing to kiss, another to give head but it's whole other thing to do that. Maybe we weren't as ready as we thought. Okay?"
He nods and he understand and I'm grateful but I know he's still hurt by what I did.
"You know me. I wasn't thinking and... I couldn't go to Liz with this. I went to Maria and we fucked. I was weirded out even more by fucking her than I was when you made love to me. I'm sorry." I look around and no one has heard me yet. I guess I'm glad but I don't know. I don't like the secrets, odd as that might sound. What I really want to do is kiss him and make it better but I can't.
"Michael... do you have any idea how hurt I am?" He speaks and I listen. "I love you and I love Liz and you... sleeping with Maria hurts like hell. You should have come and talked to me. I was nervous as it was when I didn't see you all day the next day and then to find out what you were doing...." Max looks about to cry. "I still love you. I still want you but you have to give me some space. I have to think about this."
"No more Maria." I promise. "I'm gonna go and find Liz."
"Yeah do that." Max nods. "You do know that you're going to have to tell Maria, right?"
"Is that what you want?" I turn to look at him.
"Let me talk to Liz first. She knows her better than anyone..." I leave him there to go find Liz. It feels better to know that he knows why but I know Max, he carries grudges a lot of the time. He never hesitates to be a woman and state every instance that I've ever been in trouble to make his point. Sigh.
Liz is harder to talk to but I do it. She nods and she disagrees with Max. "We can't tell her... especially not now. She's hurt, real hurt. You brushed her off harshly that day."
"Liz... did she even tell you the whole thing?" I ask, knowing full well that Maria tends to leave out her own errors in telling a story. "I was crying when she showed up and she didn't even care until I mentioned it."
"You were crying?" Liz whispers.
"Yes! I was upset. I... cheated and I felt horrible. I don't even like Maria and I did it. You guys wouldn't let me explain and so I cried." I whisper finally and stare at my hands. "Liz, I'm sorry. I was just too... confused to think straight."
"Michael. I love you. I hope you know that. I didn't at first but you are a great person and we love you. Stop trying so hard." She kisses me softly. "Things aren't better now. I hope you realize that. It hurts that you went to Maria of course. It's going to be harder for her to see what's going on with us if she thinks she has a chance with you."
"Well, I can't be straight with her and hinting does nothing..." I sigh.
"After graduation... we'll stop hiding. Max and I got into UNM. We're going apartment hunting..." She must see the hurt in my eyes at her words. They're going without me? "Michael, we just decided this yesterday and... we were still mad at you and we're still mad but at least we understand now. I want you to come."
"Ask Max before you make me any promises." I mutter.
"The three of us will go and find a place and then we'll stop hiding this. I hate it too." She barely touches me and that stings a little but I can take it. "What are you going to do there?"
"I... I don't know. I guess I'll have to look into things up there. Maria's going to Cruces... so maybe when she realizes that I'm going with you guys..."
"Maybe." She rests her head on my shoulder. "They have a community college there."
"I guess. I could do some art thing or just find a restaurant or something." I shrug. As long as I get to be near them. I'll be happy and I'll let them have as much time as they need to forgive me. I don't even have to move into the same apartment. I'll just go to be near them.
Continue to part 10
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