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Ava, Chapter 56: Maria

Reply to Alsike

Posted to June 27, 2004

     "All right, Tess is going to stay here with you for a little while.  Isabel stood and scratched her long fingernails across the table.  She looked up, not at me, at Tess.  "Will you be all right here?

     Tess slowly turned her gaze from the two explorers dismantling the pentagon.  "I don't know who I am.  She said.

     "Well you used to be my friend.  And if you get things under control that's still an option.  Tess did not smile.  She eyed Isabel, carefully looking her up and down.

     "Thank you.

     Is glanced over to Liz.  "She will be back to normal eventually, do you think?  She seems very out of it.

     Liz rolled her eyes, "Take advantage of the change while you've got it, at least she isn't manipulating us right now.  Well, she's always manipulating us, but at least she's not being aggressive before surgery, no kick in the head with a horse's hoof.

     "Kyle." She said.  What about me, dammit Isabel, what am I supposed to do?  Every one's leaving me.  "Do you want to come to Boston with me?  Jesse might be able to find you a job.

     "I think I'll stick around San Francisco for a while.  There has got to be a Buddhist community, right?  And Is, though sacrifice is greater than pleasure, and all desire should be denied, what do you want?  Is this what you really want?

     "It's what I have to do, and then I can figure out what I really want.

     "Well, maybe I'll see you.  I'm going to stay, maybe keep an eye on Tess.

     Isabel nodded and picked up the motorcycle helmet.

     "I-I-s-s..." it came out as an embarrassing stutter-whisper.  She glanced over at me.

     "You're coming, right?  You can come to Boston and hand for a while, while you're sending demo tapes and things in.  Si chica?

     She's not leaving me.  She's treating me like her own.  Why does that make me feel so good?  Why do I want to be possessed?  It doesn't matter.  I'll write a song about it later.  But she wants me to come with her.  That'll be kind of weird, won't it?  With her husband and her one night stand.  Maybe I'll be a two night stand once we get to Boston.  Maybe she'll have an affair.  Maybe I'll find a boyfriend who isn't a numbskull like Michael, or one who isn't married.  Maybe my first demo tape will be accepted and I'll rise to the top, sleeping with movie stars and managers and running from the paparazzi.  Maybe I'll fall in love, god knows that's never happened before.  And maybe I'll never see Liz again.  I don't want to lose her.  I don't want to lose all my past.  Maybe I want to tangle my tongue into hers and use all that information I got in tickle sessions as a best friend.  I'm a pervert.  But I don't want everything to fade away, god I mean one huge fight, one bitter word, "Maria, I hate you, you're nothing to me," yes, yes I could deal with it.  But not this fading out, this disappearance, this I don't care really.  I need a dramatic ending here, I need a Maria, I love you, and a soul searing kiss, and then a but I can never be with you again, you must lead your life, and I mine, we must never see each other.  God, of course she wants to get rid of me: her 'best friend' who has sexual fantasies about everyone she meets.  Liz, I wouldn't even mind a hug, but you let me sleep, you there, so intent on your work, I'm leaving, I'm leaving forever, don't you care enough to say good bye.

     "I'm coming, Is.  Can I see you out there?


     I stand up.  I have to have closure, I have to have some closure, or my past, leaking like entrails out of the hole gouged deep in my stomach,  tie it up at the least if you cannot stitch it shut.


     She turns away from the pentagon and looks at me.


     "I'm just, I'm going to go with Is to Boston, and  I look at her.  She's exactly who she used to be, but with more pain, after the alien invasion.  She's my best friend, except she's an adult now, and I never quite made it that far.  She's just looking at me, with those brown eyes, straight hair, lips parted, no make-up, and still she's gorgeous.

     "I just want to say, good-bye.  Indecision does not look good on me, so I do it.  I dive for her cheek, a decoy, then catching her jaw with my hand and kissing her mouth.  I've been her friend for almost eighteen years and I've never done that, never kissed her on the mouth, and now I know why.  Because we were too close.  I knew everything about her, she really didn't keep secrets from me, and she knew everything about me, until the aliens came and broke us apart.  That's what caused this extra attraction.  I didn't feel like this before they were here, but suddenly she spent time with Max, not me, and she started keeping secrets, little private ones, she told me the galaxy changing ones.  I didn't keep secrets from her, until we no longer spoke like we used to, intimately, believing in each other's love enough to trust our souls to another's care.  But I hadn't told her about the thing with Isabel, and she hadn't told me about the flashes of Tess, and then I kissed her, and the fucking alien flashes spread our secrets and I knew how she felt when she thought she was doing that to Tess, and what she thought of Max for it, and how she felt when she realized that it was all a lie, and how she still couldn't be with him.  And she saw me seduce Isabel, and I pulled my tongue out of her mouth and I whispered, "goodbye.  Then I brushed her cheek with my lips and walked out the door, no I will not think about Liz screwing Tess.  No, I will not think about it.  I will think of, I look down, that really sexy girl on the motorcycle over there, waiting for me.  I don't look back.  Clean break, one kiss is enough, I have a new life ahead and it starts with the seat of a Harley vibrating between my legs, my arms clenched tight around the taut stomach of a cute alien girl.  San Francisco and Roswell behind us, Boston in front, and a whole slew of seedy motels in between.  I feel like writing a song.  Anything can happen today.

Continue to Chapter 57

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