Ava, Chapter 44: Piper

Reply to Alsike

Posted to Fanfiction.net June 27, 2004

     Is my most difficult and exciting decision where people will sleep tonight?  Is it the most dangerous to take the chicken from the oven?  I think I'm bored.  I think I want something more.  I don't know what's wrong with me, but I don't feel alive anymore.  I don't feel that rush of life, and I don't want to die yet.  Maybe not die physically, but I'm going to die emotionally if I'm trapped in this life.  I'm so alone, I'm so frustrated.  I'm ready to scream.  I shouldn't have gone to her.  I shouldn't have.  But I did.  I slipped into her arms running away from all my problems.  It felt so good, it felt like I could do anything, face anything, and I felt like I was flying and I remember it.  I feel like I remember her, her face, her mouth, this feeling.  I'm terrified, and I'm loving it, and I'm feeling like this is how I want to feel forever.  It's crazy.  I never thought I'd be in love.  I was hurt once, and that was enough.  I tried to be in love, but I'm always on the outside, watching, telling myself 'you're being stupid.  I loved Leo, of course, Leo was safe, Leo was whom I was supposed to be with.  I knew that, no matter how many crazy things stood in our way, I was supposed to marry him.  Now I feel like I was manipulated.  I don't know why.  Love changes, can't I blame it on that?  Maybe it was too safe, and now I want to be dating a fugitive from the elders.  Not dating never dating, just sleeping with occasionally?  Maybe dating would be a good thing.

     Everyone's eating, everyone's uncomfortable.  They pay no attention to the food, only to each other.  I know about love, I know how pointless and stupid and dangerous it can be.  I'm the smart one, I'm the wise one, then why am I the one who wants to run away.  How can this life be more pointless and stupid than anything else?  I don't want to be here anymore.

     "Is there lunch?

     Leo shimmers in, smiling.  Liz is the only one staring, it is new to no one else, and even she shrugs it off.  He hasn't been here since he told us about Makhi.

     "What are you doing here?

     He looks a little confused.  "Um, I live here, don't I?

     "You could have fooled me.  I know it's public.  I know I shouldn't make a scene, but I don't care anymore.

     "Piper, I had work to do.  Things are very busy.  Did you catch Hudson?

     "You weren't around so you wouldn't know what happened in that debacle.

     Phoebe looks up, "Hey.

     I glare at her, "I can attribute it to you if I want, but wait one second for your share of the blame.  I turn to Leo, his wide eyes and worried expression, and I'm burning, "Why are we after Makhi?  What exactly did she do to deserve having her wings clipped?

     "This isn't just her wings clipped, not after chasing her for thirteen years.  She might be eradicated.

     "WHY!  LEO, TELL ME WHY!" I screamed at him.

     "Because of you.  He said softly, confusedly.

     "What?

     "You don't remember because the elders thought it might be too traumatizing for you.  She tried to kidnap you.  His eyes are worried, but I don't care.

     "They wiped my memory?

     "It must have been scary.

     "Don't mess with me Leo.  Why?  Why did she try to kidnap me?

     "She was infatuated with you, obsessed even.  You had just been through a tough time, and it was taking advantage.

     Oh god, when was this, my missing week, after her... "When was this?  I need exact dates.

     "They wiped your memory from May twelfth nineteen ninety four to May nineteenth nineteen ninety four.

     I hear Phoebe breathe in, in shock, but it's not like mine.

     "Leo, do you know why this was a tough time?

     He looks down blushing a little, "that girl

     "You know!  You know and you never even mentioned it!  You never told me you knew.

     "I wasn't supposed to!  But Makhi was watching, and I couldn't let her watch that kind of thing.  She was only seventeen.

     "What do you mean?  What's going on?  I don't understand!

     "I'm not allowed to tell you.  He pleaded.  "Just please, for get about it.  Makhi's trouble.  She broke the rules and she needs to be punished.  You couldn't remember, it wasn't supposed to happen this way.

     "I need the truth.  Someone needs to give me the whole truth.

     "Don't be an Oedipus, don't search for your own destruction.

     "Leo.  The truth will not kill me.

     "It will kill us.

     "We're already dead.  We were dead the day I said lying around waiting for you wasn't worth it anymore and I was going out.

     "But, Piper, I love you.

     "Why? Because I'm a bitch, because the elders told you to?  Tell me something eloquent, tell me something poetic, because love needs poetry like a rose needs a terrace, it will die without support.  You were never here.

     "I was needed, you don't know what it was like up there.  I was a counselor at whitelighter school.  They trusted me tons.  I flourished with responsibility.  I only failed once, and that was the most important time.

     "Tell me.  I'm going to calm down.  I'm going to listen.

     "Makhi was one of my students.  She was one of the smartest, the best, but she was a little wild.  They told me that she was going to be the Charmed ones' whitelighter, but if I didn't straighten her out there would be a huge mess.  I tried to tell her this, but she was all, 'who cares about the Charmed ones,' teenagers.  So I decided to show you to her, so she would care.  She liked watching you best.  He looked sadly into my eyes.  "She would sneak in to the viewing chamber and watch you.  She worked really hard at her studies so she could be your whitelighter.  I didn't worry too much about her watching you until that day, with that girl.

     "What girl?" Phoebe hisses quietly.

     "I couldn't believe it myself, I had to get her out of sight, but she was watching so intently.  I dragged her out, told her it was gross, and horrible and that she shouldn't watch that, but she looked at me, and her eyes were so sad.  The next week she went missing, and I tried to get her back by myself, but I couldn't.  She had made contact with you before she was allowed to do so.  I called in the elders, and they sent a squad after her, but she managed to escape.  They took her from your mind, hoping she hadn't done too much damage, and we've been after her since.

     "I do remember her then.

     "You can't; they erased her.

     "I recognized her when I first saw her.  I recognized so much.  What happened, Leo?  What happened in the week she was with me?  I can't believe I don't remember; I can't believe they could do such a thing like that.  They wiped my mind, what right had they, how could they?  It's so strange; it's not fair.  I want to remember what we did.  I want to remember her.  Why did they tear us apart?

     "I don't know.  I couldn't tell you if I did, but I don't know.

     I nod.  There's one person who does know, one person.  I look Phoebe in the eye.

     "I'm leaving.  It's your responsibility to be the oldest sister when I'm gone.   Take care of everyone, but don't forget about yourself.

     I turn to leave.

      "Piper, wait.  Leo calls.

     I pause for a moment.

     "I just want you to know that Makhi was my favorite student.  More than that, that she was one of my friends.  I know you wont forgive me for being on their side, but, I was the one who told her they were coming for her.  You and her were both true friends of mine, all I can do is try my best to be a true friend to you.

     I nod and walk out the door, destroying three people's worlds in the process.

Continue to Chapter 45

Send comments to Alsike

Return to Top